Walking through it. I’m sad as hell, but moving forward. I can’t focus at all on reading, having a really hard time focusing on writing. I’ve been doing some small bits of knitting, but not finding much comfort in it. Mostly I’m just spending lots of time with Billy and Thumper, and walking a lot and listening to music. Music helps. Music helps probably more than anything else. It’s how I’m wired, I suppose.
When we drove to the coast on Saturday, the day after the miscarriage, I played mix cds the whole way. Mixes I’d made, so heavy on The Hold Steady, The Long Winters, St. Vincent. Something about a guitar goes right through me. It helped me. I can’t explain how, but you’ve probably experienced the same thing, yeah? The way a song can get under your skin and sit there, the way you’ll have a physiological response to certain music? Billy doesn’t respond that way at all to the songs that get to me, and vice versa. He’s got a whole different set of cues. Maybe the six years between us (he’s older) makes the difference, because otherwise our backgrounds aren’t all that different. He’s all about the ’70s R&B, which I like fine but which doesn’t move me. So Billy drove, and Thumper hung out in his car seat in the back, dozing, and I listened to my favorite songs and cried and it helped.
Tad (The Hold Steady) is my friend, so I got to tell him he helped me. (Yeah, it’s specifically the guitar that does it. As much as I’m normally all about the lyrics, when I’m hurting it’s the guitar that gets to me.) I’m not inclined to contact John Roderick (Long Winters) or Annie Clark (St. Vincent) to say, “Hey! Thanks for helping me through my miscarriage!” because that might come off the wrong way, coming from a stranger (yeah, you think?) so if either of them stumbles across this blog somehow, Hey, thank you.
Thanks to all of you for your wonderful, supportive comments. And thanks to those who emailed privately. It’s meant a lot to me and to Billy.
Some of what I’ve been listening to:
The Hold Steady: “Stuck Between Stations”
The Hold Steady: “Stevie Nix”
The Hold Steady: “Sequestered in Memphis”
St Vincent: “Paris Is Burning”
St Vincent: “These Days”
The Long Winters: “Ultimatum”
I appreciate how you have shared with your readers, there are a lot of people that care about you and your guys. I have been thinking of you and sending good vibes all week. Keep “holding steady”, dear.
Thank you for the videos. Sometimes it’s surprising which type of music comforts us. I am not religious at all and I usually hate high voices, but the music that totally comforts me even when heavy duty meds won’t is Libera, an Anglican boy soprano choir.
Hugs.
I appreciate how you have shared with your readers, there are a lot of people that care about you and your guys. I have been thinking of you and sending good vibes all week. Keep “holding steady”, dear.
Thank you for the videos. Sometimes it’s surprising which type of music comforts us. I am not religious at all and I usually hate high voices, but the music that totally comforts me even when heavy duty meds won’t is Libera, an Anglican boy soprano choir.
Hugs.
I think all of us have our own music that we identify with in that way. Would sadden me to think someone didn’t. Thank you for sharing.
I think all of us have our own music that we identify with in that way. Would sadden me to think someone didn’t. Thank you for sharing.
It is so funny how we all have our own songs that hit us. I think I tend to favor vocals and piano elements over guitar.
It is so funny how we all have our own songs that hit us. I think I tend to favor vocals and piano elements over guitar.
I am just catching up on your blog and was very sorry to read your previous post. Much love to you and your family.
I totally understand what you mean about the music. Ani Difranco does that for me, her voice and her guitar just go right through me.
I’m sending lots of positive energy your way…
I am just catching up on your blog and was very sorry to read your previous post. Much love to you and your family.
I totally understand what you mean about the music. Ani Difranco does that for me, her voice and her guitar just go right through me.
I’m sending lots of positive energy your way…
Great songs, great posts. Don’t know if you know the Waterboys, but the song “This is the Sea” is my go-to when I’m sad. It never fails to uplift me.
And I’m so sorry about your miscarriage… and I was gobsmacked by how beautifully you wrote about it. Very brave.
Great songs, great posts. Don’t know if you know the Waterboys, but the song “This is the Sea” is my go-to when I’m sad. It never fails to uplift me.
And I’m so sorry about your miscarriage… and I was gobsmacked by how beautifully you wrote about it. Very brave.
So glad to see you’re finding comfort. I’m sending the good vibes out to you and your family.
And Pasty Cline hasn’t failed me yet.
So glad to see you’re finding comfort. I’m sending the good vibes out to you and your family.
And Pasty Cline hasn’t failed me yet.
I think it’s one of the magical things about art (music being a form of art) that it can do that – move us, or support us, or mirror what we’re feeling when we can’t or don’t want to even put it into words. And I think that’s part of why artists (again, all kinds) make it in the first place.
I think it’s one of the magical things about art (music being a form of art) that it can do that – move us, or support us, or mirror what we’re feeling when we can’t or don’t want to even put it into words. And I think that’s part of why artists (again, all kinds) make it in the first place.
Let me know when you want to hang out with people. It’d be nice to see people.
Let me know when you want to hang out with people. It’d be nice to see people.
I totally get what you’re saying about guitar-based music. My best childhood friend has a tattoo on her arm that says “saved by rock’n’roll.” Corny? Perhaps, but oh-so-apt. I love you and I’m thinking about you, Billy and Thumper a whole lot.
I totally get what you’re saying about guitar-based music. My best childhood friend has a tattoo on her arm that says “saved by rock’n’roll.” Corny? Perhaps, but oh-so-apt. I love you and I’m thinking about you, Billy and Thumper a whole lot.
I think music is a reflection of the soul of human beings. Every culture has music for every different occasion and I think it’s important to remember that most of the songs we feel attached to in a certain mood are because the person performing/singing/writing is feeling something similar. Music is cathartic. I hope you feel better, rest and do what feels right!
I think music is a reflection of the soul of human beings. Every culture has music for every different occasion and I think it’s important to remember that most of the songs we feel attached to in a certain mood are because the person performing/singing/writing is feeling something similar. Music is cathartic. I hope you feel better, rest and do what feels right!
I just found your new home. I went looking a while back but for some reason didn’t find it. As usual, I’m late to the party!
I’m so sorry about the miscarriage. Thinking of you, and your family.
I just found your new home. I went looking a while back but for some reason didn’t find it. As usual, I’m late to the party!
I’m so sorry about the miscarriage. Thinking of you, and your family.
I love music, but have a bad ear for it. I love a good drum or piano intro because I find myself going, “Hey, that’s a drum! That’s a piano!”. So My Morning Jacket and Carole King have equal places in my heart.
In my first few weeks at Medium-Sized Healthcare Company Inc, my coworker was entering a parking garage. He explained that we would encounter people driving like idiots. “Be patient”, he said. “They might be from a rural area. They may not have slept in days. They might be terminal themselves or losing a loved one”. Whether it is painful or cathartic to talk about it, it is so brave of you to remind us… When we walk amongst people that we do not know, the only thing we know about them is that we don’t know them and we will never regret being kind and patient. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but so thankful that you have chosen to share in such an articulate way.
I love music, but have a bad ear for it. I love a good drum or piano intro because I find myself going, “Hey, that’s a drum! That’s a piano!”. So My Morning Jacket and Carole King have equal places in my heart.
In my first few weeks at Medium-Sized Healthcare Company Inc, my coworker was entering a parking garage. He explained that we would encounter people driving like idiots. “Be patient”, he said. “They might be from a rural area. They may not have slept in days. They might be terminal themselves or losing a loved one”. Whether it is painful or cathartic to talk about it, it is so brave of you to remind us… When we walk amongst people that we do not know, the only thing we know about them is that we don’t know them and we will never regret being kind and patient. I’m so sorry you are going through this, but so thankful that you have chosen to share in such an articulate way.
I have been away from the computer for a week or so and am just getting caught up. I was sorry to read your news and have been thinking about you and Billy.
I had two miscarriages myself in between my first and second child. They suck and there’s no quick way to get over it. But, it does get easier. I promise.
I have been away from the computer for a week or so and am just getting caught up. I was sorry to read your news and have been thinking about you and Billy.
I had two miscarriages myself in between my first and second child. They suck and there’s no quick way to get over it. But, it does get easier. I promise.
I stumbled upon your blog looking for knitting patterns – I was so saddened to see that you have suffered through this great loss – I’ve had several – and they were some of my darkest days. A book I found great comfort in: About What Was Lost: Twenty Writers on Miscarriage, Healing and Hope. Take care of yourself. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I stumbled upon your blog looking for knitting patterns – I was so saddened to see that you have suffered through this great loss – I’ve had several – and they were some of my darkest days. A book I found great comfort in: About What Was Lost: Twenty Writers on Miscarriage, Healing and Hope. Take care of yourself. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
i’m sorry. know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. as is billy and thumper.
i’m sorry. know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. as is billy and thumper.
Sometimes in my worst times, I can’t bear music at all, sometimes it’s comforting.
Such a wrenching thing to happen. And physically wrenching, too, I know there’s all sorts of sudden hormone things going on that are hard on the body and mind. I hope you’re all taking care of each other. Wish I had more than words.
Sometimes in my worst times, I can’t bear music at all, sometimes it’s comforting.
Such a wrenching thing to happen. And physically wrenching, too, I know there’s all sorts of sudden hormone things going on that are hard on the body and mind. I hope you’re all taking care of each other. Wish I had more than words.