I heard from my lawyer today. My divorce is now final. I’d imagined this day for a long time (two and a half years now…) and I’d expected to be excited, and that Billy and I would go out to dinner to celebrate. I mean, I’d done the whole mourning for the loss thing etc. I’m over it. Can honestly say that. The mourning, anyway. Over the crap that went down while we were married? Well, that’s another story and not something I want to post here in public.
So I surprised myself today when I heard the news. I didn’t feel regret, but still felt sad. Really sad. I felt relief, too, but I didn’t feel at all like celebrating. Still don’t. I’m divorced. It feels…well…just different than I would have thought.
The challenge now? Come up with a really good way to dispose of the wedding ring. Any ideas? I’m open to suggestions.
Have them melt it and make it into a new piece of jewellery (ugh, did I spell that ok?).
Marking a new beginning, sort of. Just an idea. 🙂
Posted by: Ulrika
Aw, I’m sorry. I know; with every good new thing always comes a little sadness for what was, even if it was horrible.
Dispose of it totally, or just use it for something else? My mom had hers made into a solitaire pendant. I don’t know if that’s something that you’d wear, but maybe not in that mom-solitare way it can be done. Part of a bracelet? One earring? Or do something completely nonjewelry with it, like have it added to an antique pillbox or something.
And Jeffrey, being Jeffrey, suggests that you sell it and buy something great for the house with it. Hmm… Like maybe some incredible 1900s doors? In the “one closes, another opens” vein.
Regardless, feel great about this–you have amazing things ahead of you.
Posted by: Andrea
Oh, I like Jeffrey’s idea about buying something for the house, something that will give you great pleasure. Or something completely utilitarian but enjoyable – like an ice-cream maker or something. You deserve all the best, honey. I’m proud of you for making your way to the end of something so difficult. Maybe that’s part of the emotion? That post-emotion let-down. Thoughts are with you. Have a beer and celebrate a little anyway!
Posted by: Rachael
Have them melt it and make it into a new piece of jewellery (ugh, did I spell that ok?).
Marking a new beginning, sort of. Just an idea. 🙂
Posted by: Ulrika
Aw, I’m sorry. I know; with every good new thing always comes a little sadness for what was, even if it was horrible.
Dispose of it totally, or just use it for something else? My mom had hers made into a solitaire pendant. I don’t know if that’s something that you’d wear, but maybe not in that mom-solitare way it can be done. Part of a bracelet? One earring? Or do something completely nonjewelry with it, like have it added to an antique pillbox or something.
And Jeffrey, being Jeffrey, suggests that you sell it and buy something great for the house with it. Hmm… Like maybe some incredible 1900s doors? In the “one closes, another opens” vein.
Regardless, feel great about this–you have amazing things ahead of you.
Posted by: Andrea
Oh, I like Jeffrey’s idea about buying something for the house, something that will give you great pleasure. Or something completely utilitarian but enjoyable – like an ice-cream maker or something. You deserve all the best, honey. I’m proud of you for making your way to the end of something so difficult. Maybe that’s part of the emotion? That post-emotion let-down. Thoughts are with you. Have a beer and celebrate a little anyway!
Posted by: Rachael
Oh, I second the ice-cream maker–yum! Ask Chris about how much she likes hers. She makes insane sorbets, and the most amazing ice creams with cream bought at Union Square. Mmmmmmm.
Posted by: Andrea
Great suggestions, but maybe I should have been more specific. It’s just a simple white gold wedding band. No platinum. No stones. A wide gold band with my ex’s name engraved on the inside. Not worth much. I’m thinking more in terms of destruction, frankly. 😉
Posted by: Cari
I would be in the destruction camp too. But melting is also destruction with something else that comes out of it. I guess let you heart lead.
Posted by: Chris
Ah!! Sorry–I should have realized that’s what you meant. Throw it on the tracks of the Q?? Toss it into the Gowanus Canal and watch it disintegrate as it sinks? (Remember the guy who tried to escape from the police by jumping in and later died of massive toxic horrors? It’s like battery acid.) Or maybe, if you just want to be rid of it, sell it for a little cash and donate it to a rescue?
Tossing it into a river would probably be my way to go; I’ve done lots of that…
Posted by: Andrea
Cari, I feel happy/sad for you. My favorite way to dispose of the ring: give it to your divorce lawyer as partial payment for services….disclaimer….I am wearing a bracelet which is equivalent to one divorce at this very moment…;-)
I would do something positive with it while still getting completely rid of the sucker. Pawn it/sell it and give the money to an animal shelter/battered women’s program/your favorite charity. That way something good can come from the bad.
Posted by: claudia
Sell the ring and donate all proceeds towards a good bottle of champagne and your favorite charity or, better yet, the animal shelter. By the way, you are the only other Cari I’ve heard of who spells her name “right” like my sister:)
Enjoy your new liberation!!!!
Posted by: Avril
Wow–I agree with Rachael that the sadness/relief you’re feeling is from the finite end of this part of your life. You’ve done the mourning, sure, but this is a different kind of “over.”
I like all the suggestions made so far, but I’m kinda leaning towards the throwing of the ring in the canal. You could turn it into a service and have friends gather with you. It could be like the end of Lord of the Rings. (Sorry–too flip?)
At any rate, this is a momentous occasion and you deserve to mark it, maybe not with raucous celebration, but with some positive thing that would require you and Billy to take a little break from the thriftiness–do something really really nice for yourself.
Posted by: Em
how about just putting it in a box. seal it. and put it in the back of your closet, along with any other physical reminders of that life. (letters, the actual divorce papers, etc). You are who you are today because of what you have been through- and that shouldn’t be totally forgotten. (unless you ever need the cash, then pawn the sucker)
Posted by: Rebecca
I melted mine down (along with my engagement ring) and had a stud earring made with the diamond from the engagement ring. I then gave the earring to my then-boyfriend (now husband) when I moved away, told him he was the only diamond in my life now. He still has it and wears it occasionally!
Posted by: Brooks
even good closure is a little sad = it’s a little “dying” of something you know. and even when people are complete dickwadduses to us, we can’t help regretting that they’ve not turned out to be who we thought they were. even after all the dickwad behavior. but you know as with all other sad feelings, it will work its way out and eventually the big RELIEF sigh will come. 🙂 it just wasn’t the time for it yet.
Posted by: carolyn
Hey, Cari. Endings are always kind of serious and reflective. I hope you’re feeling mostly good, though. If it were me, I’d probably keep the ring, but I’m a keeper that way. Either that or I’d put it outside and then watch to see if a bird or a squirrel took it away — they like pretty, shiny things. Then I wouldn’t know where it was. Don’t think I could throw it in the river, because then the whole damn river would bring back those memories instead of just a lousy little ring. Good luck.
Posted by: alison
Oh, wow–right; a crow or raven would *love* a shiny ring… That’s an amazing idea.
Posted by: Andrea
Cari- I know exactly how you feel. It’s really enlightening for me to read about how you are handling things because I am still quite emotionally raw from my breakup (after 3 years) last June. Dealing with the leftover objects is hard stuff- I can’t even imagine a wedding ring. I like the idea of selling it and buying something new for your house- something very special that will have new meaning and celebrate a new beginning.
Posted by: Alexandra
pawn the thing and give the money to a women’s group of some sort. I like the animal shelter/ rescue idea as well. Either way, have a cocktail!
Posted by: max
Oh, I second the ice-cream maker–yum! Ask Chris about how much she likes hers. She makes insane sorbets, and the most amazing ice creams with cream bought at Union Square. Mmmmmmm.
Posted by: Andrea
Great suggestions, but maybe I should have been more specific. It’s just a simple white gold wedding band. No platinum. No stones. A wide gold band with my ex’s name engraved on the inside. Not worth much. I’m thinking more in terms of destruction, frankly. 😉
Posted by: Cari
I would be in the destruction camp too. But melting is also destruction with something else that comes out of it. I guess let you heart lead.
Posted by: Chris
Ah!! Sorry–I should have realized that’s what you meant. Throw it on the tracks of the Q?? Toss it into the Gowanus Canal and watch it disintegrate as it sinks? (Remember the guy who tried to escape from the police by jumping in and later died of massive toxic horrors? It’s like battery acid.) Or maybe, if you just want to be rid of it, sell it for a little cash and donate it to a rescue?
Tossing it into a river would probably be my way to go; I’ve done lots of that…
Posted by: Andrea
Cari, I feel happy/sad for you. My favorite way to dispose of the ring: give it to your divorce lawyer as partial payment for services….disclaimer….I am wearing a bracelet which is equivalent to one divorce at this very moment…;-)
I would do something positive with it while still getting completely rid of the sucker. Pawn it/sell it and give the money to an animal shelter/battered women’s program/your favorite charity. That way something good can come from the bad.
Posted by: claudia
Sell the ring and donate all proceeds towards a good bottle of champagne and your favorite charity or, better yet, the animal shelter. By the way, you are the only other Cari I’ve heard of who spells her name “right” like my sister:)
Enjoy your new liberation!!!!
Posted by: Avril
Wow–I agree with Rachael that the sadness/relief you’re feeling is from the finite end of this part of your life. You’ve done the mourning, sure, but this is a different kind of “over.”
I like all the suggestions made so far, but I’m kinda leaning towards the throwing of the ring in the canal. You could turn it into a service and have friends gather with you. It could be like the end of Lord of the Rings. (Sorry–too flip?)
At any rate, this is a momentous occasion and you deserve to mark it, maybe not with raucous celebration, but with some positive thing that would require you and Billy to take a little break from the thriftiness–do something really really nice for yourself.
Posted by: Em
how about just putting it in a box. seal it. and put it in the back of your closet, along with any other physical reminders of that life. (letters, the actual divorce papers, etc). You are who you are today because of what you have been through- and that shouldn’t be totally forgotten. (unless you ever need the cash, then pawn the sucker)
Posted by: Rebecca
I melted mine down (along with my engagement ring) and had a stud earring made with the diamond from the engagement ring. I then gave the earring to my then-boyfriend (now husband) when I moved away, told him he was the only diamond in my life now. He still has it and wears it occasionally!
Posted by: Brooks
even good closure is a little sad = it’s a little “dying” of something you know. and even when people are complete dickwadduses to us, we can’t help regretting that they’ve not turned out to be who we thought they were. even after all the dickwad behavior. but you know as with all other sad feelings, it will work its way out and eventually the big RELIEF sigh will come. 🙂 it just wasn’t the time for it yet.
Posted by: carolyn
Hey, Cari. Endings are always kind of serious and reflective. I hope you’re feeling mostly good, though. If it were me, I’d probably keep the ring, but I’m a keeper that way. Either that or I’d put it outside and then watch to see if a bird or a squirrel took it away — they like pretty, shiny things. Then I wouldn’t know where it was. Don’t think I could throw it in the river, because then the whole damn river would bring back those memories instead of just a lousy little ring. Good luck.
Posted by: alison
Oh, wow–right; a crow or raven would *love* a shiny ring… That’s an amazing idea.
Posted by: Andrea
Cari- I know exactly how you feel. It’s really enlightening for me to read about how you are handling things because I am still quite emotionally raw from my breakup (after 3 years) last June. Dealing with the leftover objects is hard stuff- I can’t even imagine a wedding ring. I like the idea of selling it and buying something new for your house- something very special that will have new meaning and celebrate a new beginning.
Posted by: Alexandra
pawn the thing and give the money to a women’s group of some sort. I like the animal shelter/ rescue idea as well. Either way, have a cocktail!
Posted by: max