angsty grumpy day
and for some reason I can’t get my hands warm.
For the record, the wind coming up off the Hudson is about a hundred degrees colder than the wind coming off the East River. I’m sure there’s a scientific reason for this, but don’t bother to tell me. I don’t actually care. Just enough to know that I spent my day in the West Village and Tribeca and froze my wee ass off.
Seems I was walking into the wind all day. I hate the way the wind makes my eyes tear and then passersby look at me like I’m crying.
I don’t cry in public. I wait until I get home and then cry into my coffee.
(I love coffee. I drink too much of it these days.)
Bought some of that KnitPicks house brand merino and it arrived the other day. It’s fucking fantastic. I’ll take some photos of the way it’s working up tomorrow, most likely. Making a sweater based on the one I coveted in The Dreamlife of Angels.
Do dentists and lawyers and phone sex operators ever have days when they wonder if they really have it in them to be dentists and lawyers and phone sex operators? Does a dentist ever worry that people are going to “find out” that she’s an imposter? Does a phone sex operator ever wonder if she’s significantly less brilliant at talking dirty to strangers than she originally suspected? Does she ever feel merely competent?
I’m feeling self-indulgent after a day that’s been hard on the ego. (Read: It’s my blog and I’ll gaze in self-pity at my navel if I want to.) Check this space for a real entry tomorrow or the next day or maybe the next day.
Best yarn review ever: “It’s fucking fantastic.”
Hey- if you don’t gaze in self pity at your navel, who will? And come on, what other purpose does a navel serve? That’s what its there for, honey bunny.
Posted by: Iris
Awwww….Have another coffee. Is there any chocolate?
Posted by: claudia
I’m right there with you. Are we in some evil astrological phase or something?
Posted by: Jessica
I hate when the mind makes my eyes tear too! Especially if I JUST put on eye makeup.
Posted by: Vicki
Well, I for one am fairly sure that if I were gazing at your navel, it would not by anything like pity that I was feeling. But then, that’s just me.
And for the record, I’ve had some very close friends who were phone sex operators and yes, they wallowed in self-doubt.
It’s the salespeople that you really need to watch out for. Many of them actually believe everything they say. It’s spooky.
Indulge yourself and get cozy.
Posted by: David
I can’t speak for phone-sex operators or dentists, but this lawyer sure has days like that. All too often. I always wonder when they’ll figure it out and can me.
Posted by: J Strizzy
I know exactly what you’re talking about – one of my friends did a little research and discovered that imposter complex (that thing that east at us) is common among high achievers. Take heart, this too shall pass.
Posted by: Amanda
Ah, self doubt. I’m majoring in self doubt. Coffee helps a bit. Got pie?
Posted by: alison
Coffee cures everything. Make or get some cake, too.
I’m feeling the same, so what everybody else said. They said ir really nicely, too.
Posted by: valentina
Best yarn review ever: “It’s fucking fantastic.”
Hey- if you don’t gaze in self pity at your navel, who will? And come on, what other purpose does a navel serve? That’s what its there for, honey bunny.
Posted by: Iris
Awwww….Have another coffee. Is there any chocolate?
Posted by: claudia
I’m right there with you. Are we in some evil astrological phase or something?
Posted by: Jessica
I hate when the mind makes my eyes tear too! Especially if I JUST put on eye makeup.
Posted by: Vicki
Well, I for one am fairly sure that if I were gazing at your navel, it would not by anything like pity that I was feeling. But then, that’s just me.
And for the record, I’ve had some very close friends who were phone sex operators and yes, they wallowed in self-doubt.
It’s the salespeople that you really need to watch out for. Many of them actually believe everything they say. It’s spooky.
Indulge yourself and get cozy.
Posted by: David
I can’t speak for phone-sex operators or dentists, but this lawyer sure has days like that. All too often. I always wonder when they’ll figure it out and can me.
Posted by: J Strizzy
I know exactly what you’re talking about – one of my friends did a little research and discovered that imposter complex (that thing that east at us) is common among high achievers. Take heart, this too shall pass.
Posted by: Amanda
Ah, self doubt. I’m majoring in self doubt. Coffee helps a bit. Got pie?
Posted by: alison
Coffee cures everything. Make or get some cake, too.
I’m feeling the same, so what everybody else said. They said ir really nicely, too.
Posted by: valentina
sweetie, if truth, self-doubt, self-love, self-pity and such are “real” posts, i don’t know what is. i’m not a writer, but i would guess that there is so much questioning because what you produce is subject. when a lawyer argues a case or an accountant crunches numbers, we don’t have the reaction we have to any art medium. relax — drink some decaf — and have a great weekend.
Posted by: Gina
I read your whole blog, and I think you are a very talented and inspiring woman. I think you have inspired me to go back to school and to start a blog (and knit more and get another dog 🙂 ) I’m sorry you are having a bad day; when my confidence goes to hell, I watch a funny movie.
Posted by: karen
I’m so glad to know that the imposter complex (voted #1 complex among graduate students and assistant professors) is common among high achievers.
I would love to hear what a sex phone operator having a moment of self-doubt would have to say.
The boatload of Knit Picks yarn I ordered shipped out a couple days ago. I can’t wait to get my hands on that merino! And the sock yarn, and the alpaca…
MWAH!
Posted by: Em
To feel better, think of the guys calling a phone sex line that don’t know they are talking to another guy with a girly voice…. Makes me giggle.
Posted by: kathy
oh, the old imposter complex…i know it well. hope playing with the new yarn helps a little. take care, and feel better!
Posted by: mrspilkington
Cari-
In a word, this was the best, well-expressed entry I’ve read in a long time. Best phrase: “It’s my blog and I’ll gaze in self-pity at my navel if I want to.” I don’t like crying in public either. But usually can’t re-muster it when I get home.
Posted by: TrickyTricot
Fucking Fantastic Yarn eh, that’s good enough for me.
Posted by: Alison
MWAH!!
We are all entitled to our angsty grumpy days. And if I put my pissy self out there as often as I do, you are more than entitled (hello- your space anyways 🙂 to do so.
To answer the question- I believe in whatever way, regardless of what we do, we all question ourselves (some of us just do so more honestly, thoroughly and often 🙂
My dear take that indulgence and follow it to chocolate and where ever else your angst ridden adored self goes! Revel in it and if you are more evolved than I currently am let it go and face the next challenge 🙂
Posted by: stinkerbell
sweetie, if truth, self-doubt, self-love, self-pity and such are “real” posts, i don’t know what is. i’m not a writer, but i would guess that there is so much questioning because what you produce is subject. when a lawyer argues a case or an accountant crunches numbers, we don’t have the reaction we have to any art medium. relax — drink some decaf — and have a great weekend.
Posted by: Gina
I read your whole blog, and I think you are a very talented and inspiring woman. I think you have inspired me to go back to school and to start a blog (and knit more and get another dog 🙂 ) I’m sorry you are having a bad day; when my confidence goes to hell, I watch a funny movie.
Posted by: karen
I’m so glad to know that the imposter complex (voted #1 complex among graduate students and assistant professors) is common among high achievers.
I would love to hear what a sex phone operator having a moment of self-doubt would have to say.
The boatload of Knit Picks yarn I ordered shipped out a couple days ago. I can’t wait to get my hands on that merino! And the sock yarn, and the alpaca…
MWAH!
Posted by: Em
To feel better, think of the guys calling a phone sex line that don’t know they are talking to another guy with a girly voice…. Makes me giggle.
Posted by: kathy
oh, the old imposter complex…i know it well. hope playing with the new yarn helps a little. take care, and feel better!
Posted by: mrspilkington
Cari-
In a word, this was the best, well-expressed entry I’ve read in a long time. Best phrase: “It’s my blog and I’ll gaze in self-pity at my navel if I want to.” I don’t like crying in public either. But usually can’t re-muster it when I get home.
Posted by: TrickyTricot
Fucking Fantastic Yarn eh, that’s good enough for me.
Posted by: Alison
MWAH!!
We are all entitled to our angsty grumpy days. And if I put my pissy self out there as often as I do, you are more than entitled (hello- your space anyways 🙂 to do so.
To answer the question- I believe in whatever way, regardless of what we do, we all question ourselves (some of us just do so more honestly, thoroughly and often 🙂
My dear take that indulgence and follow it to chocolate and where ever else your angst ridden adored self goes! Revel in it and if you are more evolved than I currently am let it go and face the next challenge 🙂
Posted by: stinkerbell
Not only is this a real entry, it is way real-er than, like, some snooty-pants writing about her latest bout of “stash enhancement” or something. Not that I object to yarn porn, but it’s so much nicer in the context of a blog written by a real, three-dimensional person (personally, I find people who show some depth on their blog more deserving of cool yarn anyways).
Posted by: susan
Know just how you feel–my job’s been putting me in that mindset for the last year, among other things. You definitely have my sympathies. However, I’m hoping those worries will pass asap, as the 2nd to last paragraph of this post is both real and hilarious…you’ve got a gift, no doubt. Don’t let anybody tell you different.
Posted by: rachel
I’m a doctor and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have some self-doubt. (I can’t speak for phone sex operators) Everyone does; it’s being human. Some days stupidity rules, somedays I feel merely competent; other days I’m spot on. (I’d like to say that the former happens less than the latter two). But, it happens.
Glad to know abou the KnitPicks; I’m going to order some right now.
Posted by: Jen.
I hope your angsty day has gotten better.
Thanks for the excellent yarn review. 🙂
Posted by: eyeleen
Not only is this a real entry, it is way real-er than, like, some snooty-pants writing about her latest bout of “stash enhancement” or something. Not that I object to yarn porn, but it’s so much nicer in the context of a blog written by a real, three-dimensional person (personally, I find people who show some depth on their blog more deserving of cool yarn anyways).
Posted by: susan
Know just how you feel–my job’s been putting me in that mindset for the last year, among other things. You definitely have my sympathies. However, I’m hoping those worries will pass asap, as the 2nd to last paragraph of this post is both real and hilarious…you’ve got a gift, no doubt. Don’t let anybody tell you different.
Posted by: rachel
I’m a doctor and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t have some self-doubt. (I can’t speak for phone sex operators) Everyone does; it’s being human. Some days stupidity rules, somedays I feel merely competent; other days I’m spot on. (I’d like to say that the former happens less than the latter two). But, it happens.
Glad to know abou the KnitPicks; I’m going to order some right now.
Posted by: Jen.
I hope your angsty day has gotten better.
Thanks for the excellent yarn review. 🙂
Posted by: eyeleen