A peek inside my brain
Holy crap. I leave for Ragdale so soon. It was so far off but now I’m leaving in…like…fuck. WHEN am I leaving?
NYFA NYFA NYFA. Deadline is October 3rd.
Application materials are en route via FedEx. I rock with the organization and punctuality.
Should I check the tracking number? Not there yet.
How about now?
Now?
Is it there yet?
How about now?
Crap. It’s there. Results won’t be out until April, but maybe they’re looking at my work sample now anyway?
Do they like it?
Do they like me?
Why don’t they like me?
Or maybe they do like me.
Cookie. Damnit, I want a cookie.
Will there be cookies at Ragdale? What if I spend all of my time there eating and knitting and don’t get any writing done?
What if four weeks at Ragdale makes me fat?
Does this blog entry make me look fat?
Elliott Smith. Elliott Elliott Smith.
FedEx pak containing (goddamnmothereffing) draft five was signed for by Dream Agent’s receptionist at 3:15. Does Dream Agent know it’s there yet? Is she reading it?
How about now?
Is it on her desk? In her bag? Will she stay up late tonight reading it and thinking that I’m an extraordinary genius?
Or a rather mediocre little girl with funny hair?
Does she like it?
Does she like me?
I need a cookie.
What’s Billy doing right now? I bet he’s eating a cookie.
What if I’m at Ragdale and I run out of yarn?
What if I’m at Ragdale and I run out of ideas?
What time is it? Should I eat a cookie?
Well…I am going to the gym tonight, so…
I don’t want to go to the gym tonight.
Oscar Oscar Oscar Oscar aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Cookie? Cookie.
Is she reading the manuscript NOW?
Or now?
Or now?
wow. sounds a lot like what is in my head…except no oscar. and no agent. and no ragdale. and no yarn. ok. so maybe just the cookie theme. 🙂
Posted by: rebecca
Ya know, knitting is a great stress reliever. Just sayin’
Posted by: Carole
I wonder how Elliott Smith geot in there.
Posted by: jackie
wow. sounds a lot like what is in my head…except no oscar. and no agent. and no ragdale. and no yarn. ok. so maybe just the cookie theme. 🙂
Posted by: rebecca
Ya know, knitting is a great stress reliever. Just sayin’
Posted by: Carole
I wonder how Elliott Smith geot in there.
Posted by: jackie
Cookie. Toblerone chocolate. All gone. Sad. Igor, furry chicken. Work. workworkworkworkworkwork
Ah-CHOO! cough
Cookie?
Posted by: claudia
Mmm, cookie…
Posted by: J Strizzy
A peek inside my brain: duuuuuuuh. Is Ragdale a sweater? Duuuuhhhh. Oh, yeah. Right.
Posted by: Iris
Oh, I so know that feeling. Do you do the whole pendulum swing from crushing self-doubt to raging ego too?
Posted by: jodi
Maybe you should go get a cookie. Then go to the gym. Then knit. Then pet Oscar silly. Then repeat as required. It does sound like a good day to take every stress cure out there.
Posted by: Marie
I’d avoid the coffee right now, my dear. Or you’ll be adding bouncy on the ceiling and looking at paint chips to your mind, and you don’t want to go there, trust me 🙂
Posted by: Alison
Cookie. Toblerone chocolate. All gone. Sad. Igor, furry chicken. Work. workworkworkworkworkwork
Ah-CHOO! cough
Cookie?
Posted by: claudia
Mmm, cookie…
Posted by: J Strizzy
A peek inside my brain: duuuuuuuh. Is Ragdale a sweater? Duuuuhhhh. Oh, yeah. Right.
Posted by: Iris
Oh, I so know that feeling. Do you do the whole pendulum swing from crushing self-doubt to raging ego too?
Posted by: jodi
Maybe you should go get a cookie. Then go to the gym. Then knit. Then pet Oscar silly. Then repeat as required. It does sound like a good day to take every stress cure out there.
Posted by: Marie
I’d avoid the coffee right now, my dear. Or you’ll be adding bouncy on the ceiling and looking at paint chips to your mind, and you don’t want to go there, trust me 🙂
Posted by: Alison
go have a cookie cari, but i bet you did. exciting times. me in my selfishness just hope that this wont’/doesn’t affect your ability to blog, being at Ragdale and all? good good thoughts going out for you in the meantime. xoxo
Posted by: kaarin
Should I sent Motherwort tincture? I just had a hit. Feel better already. Washed it down with a glass of merlot, so it could be that. Also got Gold Hill sock yarn in the mail tonight, so it could be that. Ragdale is such a wonderfully perfect name for a place for my Cari. Ragdale for the ragdoll with the yarn hair. Mmmmm, sweet!
Are we allowed to send care packages to Camp Ragdale?
Posted by: Norma
interesting. My brain is doing the same thing, but with random medical facts and coffee and crackers and round after round on the sock I’m knitting. Perhaps I need to switch to cookies. Yes, cookies…I don’t have any now, but I think I could change that…peanutbutter cookies with chocolate chips…or chocolate chocolate chip cookies…I wish I had an Oscar…or a Diego…did I just drop another stich?…
Posted by: Kristen
Norma cracks me up. It was the merlot, silly girl…
Cookie. Good move. Not so good for the jiggly bits, but you know, you should not be thinking about the jiggly bits at Ragdale.
Give me your address at Ragdale and I’ll send you extra cookies. Or maybe yarn. Or both.
Seriously. You’ll need a care package. Let me know.
bisoux et bonne chance, ma belle…
Posted by: Lee Ann
Eat the cookie. Drink the coffee. Smoke if you want! YOU’RE going to Ragdale!! Because you WRITE! Because you’re a GOOD writer!
BTW My writing group named ourselves “The Unreliable Narrators” and we gots the mugs to prove it.
YOU GO.
Posted by: Juliette
Um, except for the literary references, you sound kind of like Minou.
Go snuggle in bed with your dogs (and orange furball) and breath deeply.
And because I am psychic, I can tell you: she is reading it now and loving it, absolutely loving it.
(Except for that little bit on page 99, and can you maybe make Tansy a man with gender issues, because that is really the “happening” thing now, and maybe on page 17 you should make the mother…Just kidding, of course. She’s loving it like we all love you. Wholeheartedly, unabashedly, without even really knowing why, inexplicably charmed.)
Posted by: spaazlicious
go have a cookie cari, but i bet you did. exciting times. me in my selfishness just hope that this wont’/doesn’t affect your ability to blog, being at Ragdale and all? good good thoughts going out for you in the meantime. xoxo
Posted by: kaarin
Should I sent Motherwort tincture? I just had a hit. Feel better already. Washed it down with a glass of merlot, so it could be that. Also got Gold Hill sock yarn in the mail tonight, so it could be that. Ragdale is such a wonderfully perfect name for a place for my Cari. Ragdale for the ragdoll with the yarn hair. Mmmmm, sweet!
Are we allowed to send care packages to Camp Ragdale?
Posted by: Norma
interesting. My brain is doing the same thing, but with random medical facts and coffee and crackers and round after round on the sock I’m knitting. Perhaps I need to switch to cookies. Yes, cookies…I don’t have any now, but I think I could change that…peanutbutter cookies with chocolate chips…or chocolate chocolate chip cookies…I wish I had an Oscar…or a Diego…did I just drop another stich?…
Posted by: Kristen
Norma cracks me up. It was the merlot, silly girl…
Cookie. Good move. Not so good for the jiggly bits, but you know, you should not be thinking about the jiggly bits at Ragdale.
Give me your address at Ragdale and I’ll send you extra cookies. Or maybe yarn. Or both.
Seriously. You’ll need a care package. Let me know.
bisoux et bonne chance, ma belle…
Posted by: Lee Ann
Eat the cookie. Drink the coffee. Smoke if you want! YOU’RE going to Ragdale!! Because you WRITE! Because you’re a GOOD writer!
BTW My writing group named ourselves “The Unreliable Narrators” and we gots the mugs to prove it.
YOU GO.
Posted by: Juliette
Um, except for the literary references, you sound kind of like Minou.
Go snuggle in bed with your dogs (and orange furball) and breath deeply.
And because I am psychic, I can tell you: she is reading it now and loving it, absolutely loving it.
(Except for that little bit on page 99, and can you maybe make Tansy a man with gender issues, because that is really the “happening” thing now, and maybe on page 17 you should make the mother…Just kidding, of course. She’s loving it like we all love you. Wholeheartedly, unabashedly, without even really knowing why, inexplicably charmed.)
Posted by: spaazlicious
I know I’m no Dream Agent, but gosh darn it, I like you! And I’m pretty fond of Elliot Smith too, so my taste can be trusted!
Ragdale will be great, with or without cookies. But you will be missed… Are you back yet??! Sheesh!
Posted by: Cassie
Just stop,take a deep breath, grab the chocolate, some coffee, most importantly some knitting and stop worrying. Everything will be fine you know you’re good, so will she. Hope all goes well 🙂
Posted by: Janine
You know, a beer would work wonders. Maybe two.
Or Merlot.
Of course she likes you, your writing kicks ass. Want I should send a note to the agent and to the people at Ragdale to tell them?
I mean about the writing, not the liquor.
Posted by: Rabbitch
you are sooooo making me laugh.
and you could never be mediocre.
and i’m so pissed i didn’t see this entry until today. i could have read this hours ago!!!!
Posted by: carolyn
Glad to know I’m not alone with
a) Fedexing applications way to close to deadlines
b) mixtures of excitement/confidence/self-doubt
c) thinking cookies are excellent any time
You’re great. The book is great. Ragdale will be great. And you’ll have plenty of yarn because you’ll be spending so much time writing.
Posted by: Steph
I know I’m no Dream Agent, but gosh darn it, I like you! And I’m pretty fond of Elliot Smith too, so my taste can be trusted!
Ragdale will be great, with or without cookies. But you will be missed… Are you back yet??! Sheesh!
Posted by: Cassie
Just stop,take a deep breath, grab the chocolate, some coffee, most importantly some knitting and stop worrying. Everything will be fine you know you’re good, so will she. Hope all goes well 🙂
Posted by: Janine
You know, a beer would work wonders. Maybe two.
Or Merlot.
Of course she likes you, your writing kicks ass. Want I should send a note to the agent and to the people at Ragdale to tell them?
I mean about the writing, not the liquor.
Posted by: Rabbitch
you are sooooo making me laugh.
and you could never be mediocre.
and i’m so pissed i didn’t see this entry until today. i could have read this hours ago!!!!
Posted by: carolyn
Glad to know I’m not alone with
a) Fedexing applications way to close to deadlines
b) mixtures of excitement/confidence/self-doubt
c) thinking cookies are excellent any time
You’re great. The book is great. Ragdale will be great. And you’ll have plenty of yarn because you’ll be spending so much time writing.
Posted by: Steph
If this post is any indication, you are indeed a great writer, and thus have nothing to fear from either Dream Agent or Ragdale. So just eat your cookie, take some deep breaths, and relax. You rock.
Posted by: Sneaksleep
Great–now MY brain wants a cookie.
I bet she’s reading it RIGHT NOW. I wish I were Dream Agent.
Posted by: Em
ohhh a cookie sounds good right about now…I’ve never posted before…but I swear I hadn’t seen this blog when I named mine a week ago!!!
Posted by: Marie
Whoa, all I can do is send out a hug. You’re not the type that won’t sign for it, are you?
Feeling your pain.
Posted by: Bettina
Oh, my. I recommend Bach’s Rescue Remedy (I’ve actually started carrying it around with me now) and bubble bath. Go to the Lush store and get something smelly to put in there with you. Plus lots of water with lemon in it, that always perks me up without the sugar rush. Good luck!
Posted by: sarah g.
can you get mail at ragdale? i swear i’ll bake cookies and send them to you. and i second the rescue remedy suggestion. Fingers crossed about dream agent. I have a reeeeaaaaalllly good feeling about this (and as I write this, the sun just burst through the clouds. i take it as a sign of good things to come).
Posted by: regina
If this post is any indication, you are indeed a great writer, and thus have nothing to fear from either Dream Agent or Ragdale. So just eat your cookie, take some deep breaths, and relax. You rock.
Posted by: Sneaksleep
Great–now MY brain wants a cookie.
I bet she’s reading it RIGHT NOW. I wish I were Dream Agent.
Posted by: Em
ohhh a cookie sounds good right about now…I’ve never posted before…but I swear I hadn’t seen this blog when I named mine a week ago!!!
Posted by: Marie
Whoa, all I can do is send out a hug. You’re not the type that won’t sign for it, are you?
Feeling your pain.
Posted by: Bettina
Oh, my. I recommend Bach’s Rescue Remedy (I’ve actually started carrying it around with me now) and bubble bath. Go to the Lush store and get something smelly to put in there with you. Plus lots of water with lemon in it, that always perks me up without the sugar rush. Good luck!
Posted by: sarah g.
can you get mail at ragdale? i swear i’ll bake cookies and send them to you. and i second the rescue remedy suggestion. Fingers crossed about dream agent. I have a reeeeaaaaalllly good feeling about this (and as I write this, the sun just burst through the clouds. i take it as a sign of good things to come).
Posted by: regina
You have verbalized a lot of my stress for the forth coming restaurant. Now I don’t have to. Thanks!!
I received the Koigu today. Thank you so much!! I love the colors. I had decided I could always pass it on as a gift–there will be no passing now.
Posted by: Deb
CocoRosie. Are you listening to them? They’ll help. Promise.
xo
Posted by: Rachael
If we make a few changes — thesis draft chapter, scholarship applications due, Mooky — it begs the question: Why are you writing about my brain on your blog?
(Yes, she’s up late reading it, and yes, she recognizes your genius.)
Combat Baby. Combat Combat Baby.
Posted by: alison
Good remedy? PUT A SOCK IN IT. hee hee
Posted by: john
You are fucking hilarious! I love you. Will you be my friend? I will come be nervous with you.
My suggestion: Wine! Knit! You will definitely come out with something good right now….
Posted by: StephieP
There is plenty to eat at Ragdale, believe me! But the beauty part is there is a huge, beautiful prairie, complete with serious wildlife (lots of deer, bunnies, foxes, the occasional-non-scary teeny little snake among others) out back to walk it all off in! Plus how can you run out of yarn when I am going to take you on the Chicago yarn shop tour??
🙂
Posted by: pippy
You have verbalized a lot of my stress for the forth coming restaurant. Now I don’t have to. Thanks!!
I received the Koigu today. Thank you so much!! I love the colors. I had decided I could always pass it on as a gift–there will be no passing now.
Posted by: Deb
CocoRosie. Are you listening to them? They’ll help. Promise.
xo
Posted by: Rachael
If we make a few changes — thesis draft chapter, scholarship applications due, Mooky — it begs the question: Why are you writing about my brain on your blog?
(Yes, she’s up late reading it, and yes, she recognizes your genius.)
Combat Baby. Combat Combat Baby.
Posted by: alison
Good remedy? PUT A SOCK IN IT. hee hee
Posted by: john
You are fucking hilarious! I love you. Will you be my friend? I will come be nervous with you.
My suggestion: Wine! Knit! You will definitely come out with something good right now….
Posted by: StephieP
There is plenty to eat at Ragdale, believe me! But the beauty part is there is a huge, beautiful prairie, complete with serious wildlife (lots of deer, bunnies, foxes, the occasional-non-scary teeny little snake among others) out back to walk it all off in! Plus how can you run out of yarn when I am going to take you on the Chicago yarn shop tour??
🙂
Posted by: pippy