Things that are true today…bearing in mind that it’s all subject to change tomorrow
1. It now takes me thirteen moves to get out of bed, assuming I’m starting from my left side. (I have to first roll to the right to get my feet on the floor.) Each move is accompanied by a little involuntary grunt. I know this because my charming husband counted each little shift. He exhibited more amusement than was strictly proper.
2. Thumper has graduated from thumping his feet to pedaling them. When not pedaling his feet, he’s shifting around. It also takes him thirteen moves to turn over, apparently.
3. The new favorite activity around our house is Belly TV. Much more entertaining than any of that crap on regular TV. Bare the belly and watch the kid-in-progress ripple across it and poke feet and head and butt etc out to see how far the mom belly can stretch. (Hint: judging from the new stretch marks, the mom belly doesn’t want to stretch nearly as far as Thumper wants to stretch it.)
4. I may be losing it. Sadie came in from the backyard yesterday evening with a lovely white splotch on her head where a bird shat on her. I didn’t clean it off because I kind of thought it served her right for the times she’s peed on the couch. And the bed. (Always on my side, the bitch.) Never mind that she had no idea there was shit on her head and probably wouldn’t have cared at all if she did know it was there.
5. Today it’s seeming like a really bad idea to have signed on to do a collaborative art project with someone whose day job is being a rock star. Rock business always trumps art business. Me, I’d kind of like to get farther along on our project before I…oh, I don’t know…GIVE BIRTH or something. Fucking rock stars.
6. I no longer have the attention span for knitting anything larger than socks.
7. Watermelon is the most wonderful food on the planet.
8. Stressing out about health insurance crap and OB billing dept. screwups and how on earth we’re going to get the lead paint abatement done in time for the baby’s arrival leads to stressing about less grounded matters. Today I have concocted two elaborate conspiracy theories involving certain rock star ex boyfriends feeding misinformation to certain rock stars in an evil attempt to thwart any art-making that might happen before I GIVE BIRTH and suddenly have no time whatsoever for the making of art.
9. Yeah…see #4. I’m losing it.
Ahhh pregnant brain. And belly tv. Good times, good times.
PS – I with you re: Sadie. Bird poop on the head is totally appropriate revenge for your side of the bed peeing. Besides – it’s not like YOU put the bird poop there. It’s karma.
Posted by: stephanie
I don’t believe for a second that you’re losing it. But I do remember all the difficulty that came with simple maneuvers. Enjoy this time, hon. It’ll be over before you know it.
Posted by: Carole
huh, funny.. you’re the second pregnant woman i have known that thinks watermelon is the most wonderful food on the planet! must have something to do with the natural sugars and abundance of water?
Posted by: gleek
Ahhh pregnant brain. And belly tv. Good times, good times.
PS – I with you re: Sadie. Bird poop on the head is totally appropriate revenge for your side of the bed peeing. Besides – it’s not like YOU put the bird poop there. It’s karma.
Posted by: stephanie
I don’t believe for a second that you’re losing it. But I do remember all the difficulty that came with simple maneuvers. Enjoy this time, hon. It’ll be over before you know it.
Posted by: Carole
huh, funny.. you’re the second pregnant woman i have known that thinks watermelon is the most wonderful food on the planet! must have something to do with the natural sugars and abundance of water?
Posted by: gleek
about the bird poop – definately believe it’s karma
About the loosing it, I’m still looking for the it that was lost and my kid will be 2 in July!
At least later you will be able to look back at it and laugh!
Posted by: Amy
This is a very funny post–and although maybe not mean to be funny, I love it! Feistiness will get you through.
Posted by: kaarin
Your words about Sadie made me laugh since I pet sit some Italian Greyhounds who while they are adorable REFUSE to be housebroken and are now banned to the backyard (a really nice large one) or the kitchen. They cause too much trauma otherwise BUT when I watch them, they have figured out how to sneak over the fence from the Kitchen and into the guest bed with me. Hard to refuse such adorable faces though, even if they do jump so darn high!
Posted by: Rebecca
That’s my girl. I miss you. xo
Posted by: Rachael
Sounds like a brain nearing the last stages of pregnancy to me. Par for the course, as they say. I have no idea what that phrase really means.
Posted by: Siri
One day when I was pregnant with my second son, my oldest and I sat down and ate a 1.5# tub of watermelon chunks. He was less than 2 years old at the time so I’m pretty certain I ate almost the entire thing.
Posted by: Jessica
Maybe you could get that bird to come over to our house and give some of that “nice karma” to our cat, as we are having some serious pee issues over here!
Oh, I was just there and know how you feel, but I had over-anxious high schoolers to deal with, not rock stars. The good news? You will be through it all before you know it!
Posted by: knittymama
It is such a cruel joke of nature that makes pregnant ladies so crazy in their last few months before they give birth, and thereby commit to a lifetime of worry and sleepless nights. Try to relax, let things roll of your back. Enjoy this time. Go watch some belly TV.
Posted by: Nicole
Definitely read Margene’s post today. Things will happen and we just can’t control them. heh Enjoy Belly TV – you’ll miss that. A little. heh And enjoy letting Sadie walk around the house with poop on her head because after the baby is here you won’t let that kind of thing go on. No poopheads walking around the house allowed. Which reminds me of rock stars. hm.
Posted by: Laura
So should I refrain from telling you how much brain you lose from childbirth? I tell people I used to be WAY smarter!
Posted by: Scout
You haven’t lost it at all. I remember trying to get out of bed too, most of the women reading are sympathizing with you, even though probably all of our husbands have laughed at us. I hope you can get your art done! good luck!
Posted by: Maryann
about the bird poop – definately believe it’s karma
About the loosing it, I’m still looking for the it that was lost and my kid will be 2 in July!
At least later you will be able to look back at it and laugh!
Posted by: Amy
This is a very funny post–and although maybe not mean to be funny, I love it! Feistiness will get you through.
Posted by: kaarin
Your words about Sadie made me laugh since I pet sit some Italian Greyhounds who while they are adorable REFUSE to be housebroken and are now banned to the backyard (a really nice large one) or the kitchen. They cause too much trauma otherwise BUT when I watch them, they have figured out how to sneak over the fence from the Kitchen and into the guest bed with me. Hard to refuse such adorable faces though, even if they do jump so darn high!
Posted by: Rebecca
That’s my girl. I miss you. xo
Posted by: Rachael
Sounds like a brain nearing the last stages of pregnancy to me. Par for the course, as they say. I have no idea what that phrase really means.
Posted by: Siri
One day when I was pregnant with my second son, my oldest and I sat down and ate a 1.5# tub of watermelon chunks. He was less than 2 years old at the time so I’m pretty certain I ate almost the entire thing.
Posted by: Jessica
Maybe you could get that bird to come over to our house and give some of that “nice karma” to our cat, as we are having some serious pee issues over here!
Oh, I was just there and know how you feel, but I had over-anxious high schoolers to deal with, not rock stars. The good news? You will be through it all before you know it!
Posted by: knittymama
It is such a cruel joke of nature that makes pregnant ladies so crazy in their last few months before they give birth, and thereby commit to a lifetime of worry and sleepless nights. Try to relax, let things roll of your back. Enjoy this time. Go watch some belly TV.
Posted by: Nicole
Definitely read Margene’s post today. Things will happen and we just can’t control them. heh Enjoy Belly TV – you’ll miss that. A little. heh And enjoy letting Sadie walk around the house with poop on her head because after the baby is here you won’t let that kind of thing go on. No poopheads walking around the house allowed. Which reminds me of rock stars. hm.
Posted by: Laura
So should I refrain from telling you how much brain you lose from childbirth? I tell people I used to be WAY smarter!
Posted by: Scout
You haven’t lost it at all. I remember trying to get out of bed too, most of the women reading are sympathizing with you, even though probably all of our husbands have laughed at us. I hope you can get your art done! good luck!
Posted by: Maryann
Rockstars shmockstars. (Pigeon) poo on them.
Posted by: Lizbon
Oh yes, Belly TV is so much fun! Er, well, at least it’s a very surreal form of entertainment. I often don’t believe this is really my body.
And watermelon? Yum! I could eat it all day. Every day. MMmmm. Maybe ’cause I’m thirstier than usual right now?
Posted by: Karma
I loved Belly TV. Bean was sideways and her head was just under my right ribcage and when she’d move it, it looked like I had three breasts. When I was about 38 weeks and eating pretty much nothing but chocolate milkshakes twice a day because I couldn’t bear the thought of food, my entertainment took a twist. I had rubbed cocoa butter all over my belly and the dog smelled it and jumped on the bed and started licking me before I could get my shirt down. It felt so wonderful, I just let her do it. Bliss. Sick, but bliss nonetheless.
Posted by: liz
Ooh, he’s going to be a cyclist!
Posted by: Riin
Oooh! I have my own little Thumper right now, though Belly TV is only beginning to come in – kinda fuzzy (24 weeks). You make me laugh… I love your rolling over, pooped on doggie, and conniving rock stars. 🙂
Posted by: Liz
Ahhh. Fond memories. Don’t stress about the paint, you got time. He won’t be able to lick the wall for quite a while. Loved BellyTV; there just isn’t anything that beats it. Except waking up next to a two-month old.
Posted by: valentina
What’s this about lead abatement BEFORE Thumper!? If I even close on the house before I pop, it’ll be a freakin’ miracle. We were just over there and I was inventorying the neglected window sills with peeling paint. Argh… For the record – I am knitting a rugby scarf. A long simple rectangle. It’s the only safe thing I can do at the moment.
Posted by: sophiagrrl
The lead abatement task force (Billy and I should make t-shirts) will do whatever it takes. I think some good news is on the way about that. About the art, can’t help you there. But thank you for the Sadie poophead visual. I’m getting so excited to meet little Thumper. This family really needs a baby, thanks for doing all the work!
Posted by: sarah
Thanks for the laugh to start my early morning at work. I was trying to reason with my cat last night without realizing how ridiculous I looked OR that he really didn’t care what I was trying to say to him. I’m not in the late stages of pregnancy, so I have no excuse, but I’m still glad to hear someone else gets satisfaction from subtle (dare I say nonsensical?) punishments for their clueless animals.
Posted by: Susan
Sweet of Billy to give you an exact count, in case you really wanted to know…
Hang in there, honey…all is indeed subject to change. One door closes, another one opens, and hell in the hormonal hallway doesn’t last forever. Promise. 🙂
Posted by: Lee Ann
Rockstars shmockstars. (Pigeon) poo on them.
Posted by: Lizbon
Oh yes, Belly TV is so much fun! Er, well, at least it’s a very surreal form of entertainment. I often don’t believe this is really my body.
And watermelon? Yum! I could eat it all day. Every day. MMmmm. Maybe ’cause I’m thirstier than usual right now?
Posted by: Karma
I loved Belly TV. Bean was sideways and her head was just under my right ribcage and when she’d move it, it looked like I had three breasts. When I was about 38 weeks and eating pretty much nothing but chocolate milkshakes twice a day because I couldn’t bear the thought of food, my entertainment took a twist. I had rubbed cocoa butter all over my belly and the dog smelled it and jumped on the bed and started licking me before I could get my shirt down. It felt so wonderful, I just let her do it. Bliss. Sick, but bliss nonetheless.
Posted by: liz
Ooh, he’s going to be a cyclist!
Posted by: Riin
Oooh! I have my own little Thumper right now, though Belly TV is only beginning to come in – kinda fuzzy (24 weeks). You make me laugh… I love your rolling over, pooped on doggie, and conniving rock stars. 🙂
Posted by: Liz
Ahhh. Fond memories. Don’t stress about the paint, you got time. He won’t be able to lick the wall for quite a while. Loved BellyTV; there just isn’t anything that beats it. Except waking up next to a two-month old.
Posted by: valentina
What’s this about lead abatement BEFORE Thumper!? If I even close on the house before I pop, it’ll be a freakin’ miracle. We were just over there and I was inventorying the neglected window sills with peeling paint. Argh… For the record – I am knitting a rugby scarf. A long simple rectangle. It’s the only safe thing I can do at the moment.
Posted by: sophiagrrl
The lead abatement task force (Billy and I should make t-shirts) will do whatever it takes. I think some good news is on the way about that. About the art, can’t help you there. But thank you for the Sadie poophead visual. I’m getting so excited to meet little Thumper. This family really needs a baby, thanks for doing all the work!
Posted by: sarah
Thanks for the laugh to start my early morning at work. I was trying to reason with my cat last night without realizing how ridiculous I looked OR that he really didn’t care what I was trying to say to him. I’m not in the late stages of pregnancy, so I have no excuse, but I’m still glad to hear someone else gets satisfaction from subtle (dare I say nonsensical?) punishments for their clueless animals.
Posted by: Susan
Sweet of Billy to give you an exact count, in case you really wanted to know…
Hang in there, honey…all is indeed subject to change. One door closes, another one opens, and hell in the hormonal hallway doesn’t last forever. Promise. 🙂
Posted by: Lee Ann
Cold comfort I’m sure, but all this is vastly entertaining to the audience.
Posted by: claudia
I just about died reading about Sadie’s new ‘do. Serves her right! 🙂
Good luck with the lead paint thing. I’ve always thought that wasn’t a big problem until the kiddo is mobile and able to lick/bite on painted items, so that should buy you a few months at least.
Posted by: Jena (the yarnharpy)
Oh my God, Cari…13 moves! I am going to have to count mine in the morning to see if we are similar at all there. Are you remembering to document the Belly TV to show Thumper when he’s old enough to laugh about it? It’s cool stuff. Better than anything any rock star can do.
Posted by: LeAnne
Ha ha, Sadie has poop on her head! I want watermelon now. Breathe deeply, darling — everything will be OK.
Posted by: alison
Ah, I remember belly tv fondly. Not many things better than that.
Posted by: Karen
I’m glad to see that I’m not the only pregnant lady suddenly obcessed with socks! It’s not like I can even see them on my feet when I’m done, and forget about getting a decent photo for blogging! I’m no my 4th pair in a row! And I’ll have to check out that watermelon…I’m into frosted shreded wheat.
Posted by: Cambria W
I have to smile at the visual, and the memories, as you describe 13 moves to turn over in bed while pregnant! I once got wedged between the mattress and the siderails on our bed when expecting No. 1 & had to have assistance to get unwedged!
Posted by: Dianna
All ex-boyfriend rock stars are involved in conspiracies. In fact, my rock star husband in currently involved in conspiracy to drive me insane… So far, I think he’s succeeding.
Posted by: Steph VW
Cold comfort I’m sure, but all this is vastly entertaining to the audience.
Posted by: claudia
I just about died reading about Sadie’s new ‘do. Serves her right! 🙂
Good luck with the lead paint thing. I’ve always thought that wasn’t a big problem until the kiddo is mobile and able to lick/bite on painted items, so that should buy you a few months at least.
Posted by: Jena (the yarnharpy)
Oh my God, Cari…13 moves! I am going to have to count mine in the morning to see if we are similar at all there. Are you remembering to document the Belly TV to show Thumper when he’s old enough to laugh about it? It’s cool stuff. Better than anything any rock star can do.
Posted by: LeAnne
Ha ha, Sadie has poop on her head! I want watermelon now. Breathe deeply, darling — everything will be OK.
Posted by: alison
Ah, I remember belly tv fondly. Not many things better than that.
Posted by: Karen
I’m glad to see that I’m not the only pregnant lady suddenly obcessed with socks! It’s not like I can even see them on my feet when I’m done, and forget about getting a decent photo for blogging! I’m no my 4th pair in a row! And I’ll have to check out that watermelon…I’m into frosted shreded wheat.
Posted by: Cambria W
I have to smile at the visual, and the memories, as you describe 13 moves to turn over in bed while pregnant! I once got wedged between the mattress and the siderails on our bed when expecting No. 1 & had to have assistance to get unwedged!
Posted by: Dianna
All ex-boyfriend rock stars are involved in conspiracies. In fact, my rock star husband in currently involved in conspiracy to drive me insane… So far, I think he’s succeeding.
Posted by: Steph VW