The only thing powerful enough to distract me from the endless sock knitting
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami.
I’m a bit past the halfway mark and…it’s brilliant. Frighteningly good. The kind of book that half the time makes me insanely proud to be a novelist and inspires me to write and the other half of the time has me thinking, “Well…I can’t do this. If this is what’s possible, and I can’t do it, why do I bother…?”
Before the comments flood with reassuring messages of faith in my skills…um…don’t bother with that. This isn’t a crisis of confidence. I know I’m a good writer. Would it sound weird to say here what I really think, which is that I know much better than you folks do what kind of writer I am, as no one in the knitblog world has read anything much beyond one short story of mine yet? And that short stories are not at all my strength, so you ain’t seen nothin’ yet? Yes, that does sound weird. I would need to be sitting across a table from you and winking as I say this, or it just won’t come off right. Never mind.
While I’m being honest, shall I risk even more misunderstanding? When a working artist talks about rejection and frustration and art angst and doubt and being blocked and all that good stuff that happens to all of us with alarming regularity? It’s not helpful, useful, or accurate to tell them to “not let anyone steal their dream” or some other type of Oprah-fied phrase like that. All that does is show you are well-intentioned but that you don’t get it. The working artist is not in the same boat as a shy dental hygenist who’s always dreamed of being a Rockette. There is no “dream” to “steal” and I don’t know any serious artist (and by artist I damn sure include writers) who would let that happen. You make art because you have to, because you’re driven to. It’s not about dreams and inspiration or anything you can needlepoint on a pillow or find pre-printed on a goddamn bookmark. For fuck’s sake.
Wow. I’m ranting. Look at that. Where did all that come from? I just wanted to mention a really good book I’m reading. I guess it’s this: This is a mostly-knitting blog. I don’t share all that much of myself, no matter how much I may appear to share, and I don’t take it terribly seriously. This isn’t writing. What I do here has nothing to do with writing. I know many of you feel differently about your blogs. That’s great. I applaud you. I often enjoy reading you. But this blog has nothing to do with real writing. It’s a place to ramble a bit and post pictures of knitting and be part of a mostly great community. So what happens is that I show little glimpses of my real life as a writer here, only the smallest glimpses because I can’t share that much when things are in progress, and the result is a totally skewed view. That can’t be helped. But part of me is afraid that because this blog and one wee short story are all you know of Cari the writer, I’ll be misunderstood…what I do and how deadly serious it is to me will be misunderstood. I don’t write popular fiction, or mysteries or romances. I don’t write funny. I don’t write personal essays. (Absolute truth? I don’t ever ever read any of the above either, unless I’m being paid to edit it. Can’t stand it for the most part. None of that stuff feeds me, you know?) I write literary fiction. That’s important to me. The distinction matters to me. Is it a matter of ego? Maybe in part. But only in small part. I’m trying to do the heavy lifting, you see. Taking on the big truths that I have to work hard at and that I want the reader to work at too. That matters to me…
The way I think about my work, and the way my writing friends and I talk about our work with each other would never fly on this blog. It would sound pretentious, self-important… You may be thinking that’s exactly how I sound right now…
So the person on this blog is mostly the surface. A small sliver of the surface. This girl who likes to knit and loves her husband and her dogs and is knocked up and very excited about the baby… And that’s such a limited view of me. I’m often tempted to ditch the blog. The main reason I keep it going is because it’s brought me into contact with some truly wonderful people. I enjoy being part of this knitblog community… But there are days–many of them–when my own blog holds no interest for me whatsoever.
Oh look. I knit a sock.
Fucking fascinating.
My point…what was my point? All I wanted to say originally was, holy shit this book is brilliant, and I am awed and humbled and inspired by it. But apparently there’s a lot more on my mind than that.
I doubt I’ll kill the blog. I’d miss you all too much. But today is one of those days where the blog feels false. It mostly shares the side of me I find to be least interesting. The friendliest side, perhaps. But not the interesting one.
I don’t think you should apologize for what you show us on your blog of who you are. Or even that your own blog bores you sometimes. It’s all a matter of personal expression and even the frivolous, light-hearted parts need to be shared.
Posted by: Annette
I don’t think you should apologize for what you show us on your blog of who you are. Or even that your own blog bores you sometimes. It’s all a matter of personal expression and even the frivolous, light-hearted parts need to be shared.
Posted by: Annette
I have no idea what it means to be inspired to write the kind of writing you’re talking about. And I like to think I read some pretty good stuff, being a librarian and all, but I could never WRITE that kind of stuff. I admire your honesty in this post and really hope to someday read a novel of yours. Oh, and I’ll buy it for my library, too. 😉
Posted by: Carole
wind-up bird chronicle is one of my favorite books of all time! everytime i read it i find something new and inspiring about it. murakami-sama is an absolute genius writer. he makes my mind melt.
Posted by: gleek
Thanks for ranting today. It’s what I needed to hear. I wrote a post to close my blog yesterday, and hovered over the publish button for about an hour, but decided not to be too rash, and so I didn’t post it, but things have to change because being as much myself on my blog isn’t going to fly anymore, my openness is being abused. So I need to close myself off more than I already have and reinvent the blog into something different. A shadow of myself, where I make witty jokes, show my current projects and never say anything too personal. And I’ve become very worried about how this will go over and whether I can still come off as genuine while hiding so much of myself. This post reminded me that I can as long as I’m still sincere.
Thanks Cari.
Posted by: Miriam
I am happy to have known you, however briefly, apart from this blog…and often wish I lived closer so I could get to know you better than what the blog provides, but I’ll take what I can get!
Excellent rant, btw.
Posted by: melanie
Damn fucking straight, sister.
Posted by: Michelle
Thanks for the book recommendation! Appreciate it.
I dislike those platitudes like “don’t let anyone take your dream from you” for a different reason: they feed into that too-prevalent victim mentality. A well-intentioned friend once gave me “The Right to Wr*te” as a gift. I know she meant well and I love her dearly, but I find that whole “writing empowerment” genre offensive.
I was actually thinking about your story the other day, and how different it would have been with another structure. I learned something about writing from your story, and thank you for that.
Posted by: Martha
Murakami = Genius.
That is all. 🙂
Posted by: Jenn
In a roomful of like-minded knitbloggers (virtually or in meat-space) there is such an enormous variety of personalities, proclivities, careers, family structures, biases, illnesses…well you name it. I don’t read the sort of fiction you write: I just can’t. I wouldn’t read a blog about it either, and the same likely goes for you & my life’s work. But through the knitting thing, I have so appreciated knowing bits ABOUT what you do, along with the cute dogs and knitting stuff and the parts of you that you do share.
Blog on, or not. Knit on, or not. I’m rooting against the ‘not’.
I think I’m done. My point again was???
Posted by: claudia
I have read all of Murakami’s books except the newest and they are all good but the Wind-up Bird Chronicle is one of the best!
Posted by: Theresa
I adored that book. I noticed it on my shelf last night and thought that I should read it again. I am doubly inspired to do so now.
Posted by: Gina
I have no idea what it means to be inspired to write the kind of writing you’re talking about. And I like to think I read some pretty good stuff, being a librarian and all, but I could never WRITE that kind of stuff. I admire your honesty in this post and really hope to someday read a novel of yours. Oh, and I’ll buy it for my library, too. 😉
Posted by: Carole
wind-up bird chronicle is one of my favorite books of all time! everytime i read it i find something new and inspiring about it. murakami-sama is an absolute genius writer. he makes my mind melt.
Posted by: gleek
Thanks for ranting today. It’s what I needed to hear. I wrote a post to close my blog yesterday, and hovered over the publish button for about an hour, but decided not to be too rash, and so I didn’t post it, but things have to change because being as much myself on my blog isn’t going to fly anymore, my openness is being abused. So I need to close myself off more than I already have and reinvent the blog into something different. A shadow of myself, where I make witty jokes, show my current projects and never say anything too personal. And I’ve become very worried about how this will go over and whether I can still come off as genuine while hiding so much of myself. This post reminded me that I can as long as I’m still sincere.
Thanks Cari.
Posted by: Miriam
I am happy to have known you, however briefly, apart from this blog…and often wish I lived closer so I could get to know you better than what the blog provides, but I’ll take what I can get!
Excellent rant, btw.
Posted by: melanie
Damn fucking straight, sister.
Posted by: Michelle
Thanks for the book recommendation! Appreciate it.
I dislike those platitudes like “don’t let anyone take your dream from you” for a different reason: they feed into that too-prevalent victim mentality. A well-intentioned friend once gave me “The Right to Wr*te” as a gift. I know she meant well and I love her dearly, but I find that whole “writing empowerment” genre offensive.
I was actually thinking about your story the other day, and how different it would have been with another structure. I learned something about writing from your story, and thank you for that.
Posted by: Martha
Murakami = Genius.
That is all. 🙂
Posted by: Jenn
In a roomful of like-minded knitbloggers (virtually or in meat-space) there is such an enormous variety of personalities, proclivities, careers, family structures, biases, illnesses…well you name it. I don’t read the sort of fiction you write: I just can’t. I wouldn’t read a blog about it either, and the same likely goes for you & my life’s work. But through the knitting thing, I have so appreciated knowing bits ABOUT what you do, along with the cute dogs and knitting stuff and the parts of you that you do share.
Blog on, or not. Knit on, or not. I’m rooting against the ‘not’.
I think I’m done. My point again was???
Posted by: claudia
I have read all of Murakami’s books except the newest and they are all good but the Wind-up Bird Chronicle is one of the best!
Posted by: Theresa
I adored that book. I noticed it on my shelf last night and thought that I should read it again. I am doubly inspired to do so now.
Posted by: Gina
Murakami is one of my favorite authors – he’s brilliant. Another favorite, but with a different style, is Rohinton Mistry. Do read him if you haven’t already!
And if you can’t rant on your own blog, where can you?
Posted by: Kathy
I love love love Murakami. My introduction was through the Wind Up Bird Chronical but I loved Hard-Boiled Wonderland
(and all the others). Have you checked out his website? so cool too.
Banana Yoshimoto – another one of my favs.
Posted by: Sarah
I loved Wind-up Bird. My husband is a huge Murakami fan – he’s read everything. I love hearing about others enjoying books I like!
Posted by: Jenn
You may think that what you write here does not show the whole you as a writer. But I read your blog regularly because you do not just write a ‘knitblog’. Your approach to life, and knitting, comes through in everything (?) you write. I would never presume to argue with you about writing, but can tell you that your voice is very much present and very much appreciated. I have found you inspiring.
Posted by: Samantha Hoyt
My blog for me is a way to keep in touch with out of state relatives and friends, as well as meet bloggers of varied interests, but my choice of career (attorney) doesn’t permit me to share or vent or be as open about my life as I might sometimes wish. Additionally, I generally don’t share serious personal issues, or my painting and sketching. Those are deeply intimate, risky, and personal expressions for me, and as of yet, I don’t feel the need for commentary from strangers.
I’d have to hazard a guess that your post rings true with a number of bloggers.
Posted by: tortoiseshelly
Wow, that was like talking to my friend who is both a full time artist and an BA in English. It’s your blog do what you want, show the side that you want. This isn’t an assignment. No one is going to grade your work.
Posted by: Shell
Methinks you might have more than one interesting side….
Posted by: Georgiana
I’d miss you if you killed the blog… even if you don’t let us in very deep.
Posted by: Andrea
I’m a longtime lurker, and I just wanted to say that Murakami is one of my favorite authors. I guess it makes sense that you have great taste in literature 🙂
Posted by: Kara
i suck, but i totally missed most of the rant because as soon as i saw the words “wind-up bird chronicles” i got completely and utterly distracted. sweet jesus i love that book. if you ever need more murakami, the boy and i have it at home. and um, my bad for skimming the rant so i could comment about how happy i am you’re reading that book.
Posted by: heather
I do get it.
Posted by: Norma
Murakami is one of my favorite authors – he’s brilliant. Another favorite, but with a different style, is Rohinton Mistry. Do read him if you haven’t already!
And if you can’t rant on your own blog, where can you?
Posted by: Kathy
I love love love Murakami. My introduction was through the Wind Up Bird Chronical but I loved Hard-Boiled Wonderland
(and all the others). Have you checked out his website? so cool too.
Banana Yoshimoto – another one of my favs.
Posted by: Sarah
I loved Wind-up Bird. My husband is a huge Murakami fan – he’s read everything. I love hearing about others enjoying books I like!
Posted by: Jenn
You may think that what you write here does not show the whole you as a writer. But I read your blog regularly because you do not just write a ‘knitblog’. Your approach to life, and knitting, comes through in everything (?) you write. I would never presume to argue with you about writing, but can tell you that your voice is very much present and very much appreciated. I have found you inspiring.
Posted by: Samantha Hoyt
My blog for me is a way to keep in touch with out of state relatives and friends, as well as meet bloggers of varied interests, but my choice of career (attorney) doesn’t permit me to share or vent or be as open about my life as I might sometimes wish. Additionally, I generally don’t share serious personal issues, or my painting and sketching. Those are deeply intimate, risky, and personal expressions for me, and as of yet, I don’t feel the need for commentary from strangers.
I’d have to hazard a guess that your post rings true with a number of bloggers.
Posted by: tortoiseshelly
Wow, that was like talking to my friend who is both a full time artist and an BA in English. It’s your blog do what you want, show the side that you want. This isn’t an assignment. No one is going to grade your work.
Posted by: Shell
Methinks you might have more than one interesting side….
Posted by: Georgiana
I’d miss you if you killed the blog… even if you don’t let us in very deep.
Posted by: Andrea
I’m a longtime lurker, and I just wanted to say that Murakami is one of my favorite authors. I guess it makes sense that you have great taste in literature 🙂
Posted by: Kara
i suck, but i totally missed most of the rant because as soon as i saw the words “wind-up bird chronicles” i got completely and utterly distracted. sweet jesus i love that book. if you ever need more murakami, the boy and i have it at home. and um, my bad for skimming the rant so i could comment about how happy i am you’re reading that book.
Posted by: heather
I do get it.
Posted by: Norma
Ha, was that a literary hissy-fit?
Me likey the Murakami too. Haven’t read Wind-up though, just Dance³, Wild Sheep Chase, and a New Yorker story. Drop in the bucket of his catalogue.
I’m sorry you feel frustrated and limited by the blog; I put on what I feel like putting on, or recently, just what’s going on even if I’d really rather just never get out of bed again, because it’s become a journal I actually use and keep in touch with others with, but it’s kind of always been like that. The randomness and lack of focus certainly shows in subscriber numbers but I like being able to look back and read through as I have an absolutely unbelievabley crappy memory. Anyway, as others say, have said, it’s your space, use it how you want. Blog categories can be helpful tools. You know this, and it’s not even the point so I don’t know why I keep on typing, but hey, I’m jes’ sayin’ if you feel like talking about theory and practice and breaking down why you love something or don’t, go for it. You want to or don’t want to talk about a sock, go for it. Knitting draws more people because it’s an easy tactile middle territory and the pics appeal to people–it’s a topic that lends itself to internet communication better, that’s all. I don’t really like talking about books or more complex topics online because I like the social interaction with all its cues and pauses and the development and digressions of discussion that occurs in “meat-space.”
Please kiss the pups for me, thank you for your note about losing the ‘ball.
Posted by: spaazlicious
Good post.
Don’t ditch us.
Just ordered the book. Thanks,
Maxly
Posted by: Maxly
Good post.
Don’t ditch us.
Just ordered the book. Thanks,
Maxly
Posted by: Maxly
Wow, actual ranting! But deep, from-the-heart ranting. Nobody can–or should–show their whole selves on something like a knitting blog. But what you do show and share is valued, and interesting, or what would we be doing here, reading?
I would love to read more of your writing, and trust that someday I’ll have the chance to. I have written, and for a while, wrote seriously, passionately, in my free time, but ended up letting the rejections discourage me and haven’t sent anything else out for a while. Passion can be hard to maintain without some positive feedback–I’m so glad that you’re getting that. You can’t “let someone take your dream” away–that’s ridiculous, but you CAN give up on it, put it away in a closet in your soul. I’m glad you’re so focused.
I know you said you’re not looking for validation, and I’m not trying to give that to you, because I know you don’t need it. What I am trying to say is that, although you don’t mention your writing all that often because you do focus this blog more on knitting, your passion shows when you DO talk about it. And meantime, so does your passion for your “other” loves–your husband, your baby, your dog, your knitting. All things that we can relate to.
(That rambling probably didn’t make any sense, but, hey!)
Posted by: -Deb
can’t wait to read your novel, cari. i’ll need it once i’m finished with all this required (school-related) non-fiction. although blogless, i get your rant and am glad you carry on anyway.
Posted by: kaarin
Well, then maybe you SHOULD quit the blog. Don’t let it distract you. Move on, grow, whatever.
I’d miss it, that’s for sure. But then who the f*** am I anyway? Please, I’ve got my own important ties to break for the sake of moving forward.
Posted by: andrea
Fuck the stealing-the-dream thingie. Don’t let anyone steal your sock yarn!
Don’t ever say I didn’t give you good advice. No, this isn’t good advice, just don’t ever say it. I’ll cry.
Posted by: Rabbitch
must get that book, it’s been on my list for ages. i love books that do that, even though they frighten me a little, and as you say, humble me — which is a good thing in my case. thank you also for the rant — you ‘took the words right out of my mouth’ in many ways (actually, i said ‘oprahfied’ just two days ago), and just awoke from tossing and turning and all-night writer ranting (quietly, of course). i made some tea, grouched over to the computer, then i looked at this and said “yes!”
the belly looks good.
and the knitting.
Posted by: mrspilkington
Onya, Cari! Looking forward to your novel(s) more than ever 🙂
Posted by: marrije
Bueno, yo no soy como el “personaje” que aparento en mi blog…creo que eso es normal, es sólo una parte, tan pequeña, que es imposible que me represente, pero está bien es divertido y me hace fijarme en cosas que antes pasaba por alto.
Un beso muy grande preciosa!
LÃa
Posted by: LÃa
Ha, was that a literary hissy-fit?
Me likey the Murakami too. Haven’t read Wind-up though, just Dance³, Wild Sheep Chase, and a New Yorker story. Drop in the bucket of his catalogue.
I’m sorry you feel frustrated and limited by the blog; I put on what I feel like putting on, or recently, just what’s going on even if I’d really rather just never get out of bed again, because it’s become a journal I actually use and keep in touch with others with, but it’s kind of always been like that. The randomness and lack of focus certainly shows in subscriber numbers but I like being able to look back and read through as I have an absolutely unbelievabley crappy memory. Anyway, as others say, have said, it’s your space, use it how you want. Blog categories can be helpful tools. You know this, and it’s not even the point so I don’t know why I keep on typing, but hey, I’m jes’ sayin’ if you feel like talking about theory and practice and breaking down why you love something or don’t, go for it. You want to or don’t want to talk about a sock, go for it. Knitting draws more people because it’s an easy tactile middle territory and the pics appeal to people–it’s a topic that lends itself to internet communication better, that’s all. I don’t really like talking about books or more complex topics online because I like the social interaction with all its cues and pauses and the development and digressions of discussion that occurs in “meat-space.”
Please kiss the pups for me, thank you for your note about losing the ‘ball.
Posted by: spaazlicious
Good post.
Don’t ditch us.
Just ordered the book. Thanks,
Maxly
Posted by: Maxly
Good post.
Don’t ditch us.
Just ordered the book. Thanks,
Maxly
Posted by: Maxly
Wow, actual ranting! But deep, from-the-heart ranting. Nobody can–or should–show their whole selves on something like a knitting blog. But what you do show and share is valued, and interesting, or what would we be doing here, reading?
I would love to read more of your writing, and trust that someday I’ll have the chance to. I have written, and for a while, wrote seriously, passionately, in my free time, but ended up letting the rejections discourage me and haven’t sent anything else out for a while. Passion can be hard to maintain without some positive feedback–I’m so glad that you’re getting that. You can’t “let someone take your dream” away–that’s ridiculous, but you CAN give up on it, put it away in a closet in your soul. I’m glad you’re so focused.
I know you said you’re not looking for validation, and I’m not trying to give that to you, because I know you don’t need it. What I am trying to say is that, although you don’t mention your writing all that often because you do focus this blog more on knitting, your passion shows when you DO talk about it. And meantime, so does your passion for your “other” loves–your husband, your baby, your dog, your knitting. All things that we can relate to.
(That rambling probably didn’t make any sense, but, hey!)
Posted by: -Deb
can’t wait to read your novel, cari. i’ll need it once i’m finished with all this required (school-related) non-fiction. although blogless, i get your rant and am glad you carry on anyway.
Posted by: kaarin
Well, then maybe you SHOULD quit the blog. Don’t let it distract you. Move on, grow, whatever.
I’d miss it, that’s for sure. But then who the f*** am I anyway? Please, I’ve got my own important ties to break for the sake of moving forward.
Posted by: andrea
Fuck the stealing-the-dream thingie. Don’t let anyone steal your sock yarn!
Don’t ever say I didn’t give you good advice. No, this isn’t good advice, just don’t ever say it. I’ll cry.
Posted by: Rabbitch
must get that book, it’s been on my list for ages. i love books that do that, even though they frighten me a little, and as you say, humble me — which is a good thing in my case. thank you also for the rant — you ‘took the words right out of my mouth’ in many ways (actually, i said ‘oprahfied’ just two days ago), and just awoke from tossing and turning and all-night writer ranting (quietly, of course). i made some tea, grouched over to the computer, then i looked at this and said “yes!”
the belly looks good.
and the knitting.
Posted by: mrspilkington
Onya, Cari! Looking forward to your novel(s) more than ever 🙂
Posted by: marrije
Bueno, yo no soy como el “personaje” que aparento en mi blog…creo que eso es normal, es sólo una parte, tan pequeña, que es imposible que me represente, pero está bien es divertido y me hace fijarme en cosas que antes pasaba por alto.
Un beso muy grande preciosa!
LÃa
Posted by: LÃa
I am always about to quit my blog. Blogging is a little fake and loser-y. But it’s a hobby. And hobbies are goofy, like old men with entire rooms devoted to model trains. But they’re probably healthier happier old men for it. Y’know? The community is what makes it okay, like everything else. We’re sharing our craziness – in the form of a thousand socks.
I wrote a similar post to yours a few weeks back : http://www.jessie-in-stitches.com/2006/04/lotsa_knitting_nottalotta_post_1.html
Posted by: jessie
A lot of visual artists aren’t so good with words- it’s good to have the words to put with the feelings. Thanks.
Posted by: Susan
No apologies, please. I think we all, working writers or otherwise, have days when our blogs feel false. That’s usually when I resort to a quiz or a meme or gratuitous cat pictures. Or I just don’t blog.
As for understanding why you write, and how important it is to you, I think I get it, at least a little bit. My dad is a writer, and he certainly doesn’t do it for the money, or because it makes him seem “cultured,” or just to get stuff off his chest. He simpl HAS to do it to live (in the soul sense, not the budget sense), and when he can’t (for whatever reason), he tends to engage in self-destructive behavior because it hurts him so deeply to not be writing. There was a time when I thought I wanted to grow up to be a writer, but I eventually learned that it isn’t something you choose. It’s IN you, or it’s not. Sometimes I get little glimpses of it in myself, where I am driven to write (*really* write) something. But I know better than to call myself a Writer. It is not the reason I get up in the morning. But I do think being raised by a writer has given me a profound appreciation for both the profession and its fruits. Nothing can bring me to my knees like true art can.
p.s. Wow, I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought. Thank you for this post.
Posted by: Sneaksleep
Bravo, Cari!
P.S. Murakami rocks.
Posted by: Gina H.
I think I keep blogging because I have a Knitting Blog. And that’s pretty much all I want it to be. Does anyone expect knitbloggers to bare their souls or something? (I know, I know.) Thanks for the book recommendation.
Posted by: alison
I’ve been trying forever to get someone, anyone, amungst my friends and family to read Murakami and having them all give up. I’m just happy to discover that other people besides me and My Boy like him. And socks.
Posted by: Sara
I think your a great writer! I can just tell! Don’t ever ever quit! I believe in your big dream. And you’re knitting is great, too! Someday I’ll knit like that, LOL. We should be friends. You remind me of my aunt, you’re so funny. :0 🙂 Hee hee. Have a blessed day!!!!
(That is to say, there are valid reasons for thinking about quitting blogging. But this post just made my day, and I caught the wink over the table, m’dear.)
Posted by: A GAWK
OH.COOL! My cousin just sent me his book of short stories…dang it, I can’t see the title of it from my bed and I’m too lazy to get up, but I have also been told that Wind Up Bird is awesome. Thanks for the recommendation!
Posted by: LeAnne
I think anyone who has experienced Murakami probably understands what you mean, writer or not. He is both inspiring and astounding and reaches into a world of imagination I never new existed before.
I guess reading Murakami for you is a lot like when I hear a great scientist speak. They make me want to go into the lab and do amazing and creative things and solve the worlds problems, but at the same time I look at myself and see me, and its hard not to see the gap between where you are in your process and where they are, and know that what lies in between is a lot of hard work, and possibly talent which I may or may not have. It’s very intimidating.
Posted by: Lee Ann
Hey, what is not fascinating about socks?!
The internet is an inherently limited medium, so its not conducive to sharing much that is “real”, anyway. That’s the beauty part for me, its not real, just pretend. I like pretend sometimes.
Plus I like the eye-candy, pictures of other people’s knitting and whatnot. And now that I think of it, at the same time there is something very real in that, the beauty of the everyday, the obsessive nature of knitting, and looking at pictures of knitting, and pictures of tattoos of knitting.
Oy. Now you got me ranting!
I stop now.
xxxPippyxxx
Posted by: pippy
I am always about to quit my blog. Blogging is a little fake and loser-y. But it’s a hobby. And hobbies are goofy, like old men with entire rooms devoted to model trains. But they’re probably healthier happier old men for it. Y’know? The community is what makes it okay, like everything else. We’re sharing our craziness – in the form of a thousand socks.
I wrote a similar post to yours a few weeks back : http://www.jessie-in-stitches.com/2006/04/lotsa_knitting_nottalotta_post_1.html
Posted by: jessie
A lot of visual artists aren’t so good with words- it’s good to have the words to put with the feelings. Thanks.
Posted by: Susan
No apologies, please. I think we all, working writers or otherwise, have days when our blogs feel false. That’s usually when I resort to a quiz or a meme or gratuitous cat pictures. Or I just don’t blog.
As for understanding why you write, and how important it is to you, I think I get it, at least a little bit. My dad is a writer, and he certainly doesn’t do it for the money, or because it makes him seem “cultured,” or just to get stuff off his chest. He simpl HAS to do it to live (in the soul sense, not the budget sense), and when he can’t (for whatever reason), he tends to engage in self-destructive behavior because it hurts him so deeply to not be writing. There was a time when I thought I wanted to grow up to be a writer, but I eventually learned that it isn’t something you choose. It’s IN you, or it’s not. Sometimes I get little glimpses of it in myself, where I am driven to write (*really* write) something. But I know better than to call myself a Writer. It is not the reason I get up in the morning. But I do think being raised by a writer has given me a profound appreciation for both the profession and its fruits. Nothing can bring me to my knees like true art can.
p.s. Wow, I guess I had a lot more to say than I thought. Thank you for this post.
Posted by: Sneaksleep
Bravo, Cari!
P.S. Murakami rocks.
Posted by: Gina H.
I think I keep blogging because I have a Knitting Blog. And that’s pretty much all I want it to be. Does anyone expect knitbloggers to bare their souls or something? (I know, I know.) Thanks for the book recommendation.
Posted by: alison
I’ve been trying forever to get someone, anyone, amungst my friends and family to read Murakami and having them all give up. I’m just happy to discover that other people besides me and My Boy like him. And socks.
Posted by: Sara
I think your a great writer! I can just tell! Don’t ever ever quit! I believe in your big dream. And you’re knitting is great, too! Someday I’ll knit like that, LOL. We should be friends. You remind me of my aunt, you’re so funny. :0 🙂 Hee hee. Have a blessed day!!!!
(That is to say, there are valid reasons for thinking about quitting blogging. But this post just made my day, and I caught the wink over the table, m’dear.)
Posted by: A GAWK
OH.COOL! My cousin just sent me his book of short stories…dang it, I can’t see the title of it from my bed and I’m too lazy to get up, but I have also been told that Wind Up Bird is awesome. Thanks for the recommendation!
Posted by: LeAnne
I think anyone who has experienced Murakami probably understands what you mean, writer or not. He is both inspiring and astounding and reaches into a world of imagination I never new existed before.
I guess reading Murakami for you is a lot like when I hear a great scientist speak. They make me want to go into the lab and do amazing and creative things and solve the worlds problems, but at the same time I look at myself and see me, and its hard not to see the gap between where you are in your process and where they are, and know that what lies in between is a lot of hard work, and possibly talent which I may or may not have. It’s very intimidating.
Posted by: Lee Ann
Hey, what is not fascinating about socks?!
The internet is an inherently limited medium, so its not conducive to sharing much that is “real”, anyway. That’s the beauty part for me, its not real, just pretend. I like pretend sometimes.
Plus I like the eye-candy, pictures of other people’s knitting and whatnot. And now that I think of it, at the same time there is something very real in that, the beauty of the everyday, the obsessive nature of knitting, and looking at pictures of knitting, and pictures of tattoos of knitting.
Oy. Now you got me ranting!
I stop now.
xxxPippyxxx
Posted by: pippy
I’m contemplating that we edit ourselves when we’re being freindly. Cause I don’t think it’s just you. I think that we hide ourselves from one another because we don’t want to be misunderstood and we don’t want to offend.
I know that I’ve learned to soften my personality at times. I’ve been told that I’m loud, and too opinionated and that my passion can be overwelming. And those are the bits of myself that I show when I’m really enthusiasticly freindly.
Being real and whole is all the time for all people is too raw I think. But I also think that as we practice self-editing we can forget to be real and whole. It’s good to be reminded sometimes.
Posted by: LaurieM
I’m contemplating that we edit ourselves when we’re being freindly. Cause I don’t think it’s just you. I think that we hide ourselves from one another because we don’t want to be misunderstood and we don’t want to offend.
I know that I’ve learned to soften my personality at times. I’ve been told that I’m loud, and too opinionated and that my passion can be overwelming. And those are the bits of myself that I show when I’m really enthusiasticly freindly.
Being real and whole is all the time for all people is too raw I think. But I also think that as we practice self-editing we can forget to be real and whole. It’s good to be reminded sometimes.
Posted by: LaurieM
Good rant.
Your blog doesn’t define who you are as a writer, just as being a spouse/child/sister/mother doesn’t define who you are as a person.
Posted by: Jen S
For most of us, our blogs present hugely edited versions of ourselves. I have attacks of perspective from time to time during which my blog strikes me as ‘all surface, no feeling’. But then I recognise that, although my posts are dashed off in rare five minute windows, I’m forging connections. Even if they are based on some echo of me, these connections are a wonderful thing.
Posted by: Noo
While I love your socks, I would miss your rants far more. Stay, please.
Posted by: Lee Ann
Miss us YET??? Sounds like writing is a heavy process, maybe your knitting & blogging is a good balance to the heavy serious lifting. Somehow clears the channels. You’ve been doing both for some time now for a reason. It’s obvious your blog is interesting enough to many of us for knits sake! I graciously thank YOU for breaking my knitter’s block. 🙂 A bonus of your blog is I know several Italian greyhounds who have homes cuz of Sadie, Diego and Cari.
Bravo…bravo
Posted by: lyn
Hmm, guess that means I’m not good enough to read you if you’re already telling me I’m too stupid to get what it means to be a working artist.
Posted by: Amy
Cari, a blog is what it is. I’ve written in mine more than once, “It’s as blog. Not testimony.” We are not defined by our blogs. We are not defined by our art – it is defined by us.
I’m reading Murakami for the first time. http://spinster.blogs.com/spinster/2006/05/page_142.html I say translators don’t get nearly enough credit. What about that book that the italian? guy wrote without using the letter E? Then some somebody had to TRANSLATE it into another language, the same way! So as your writing your books, please remember the 20+ translators who are going to have the task of sharing your works with the rest of the world. There, don’t you feel powerful now?
Posted by: Jenn
I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time and I’m finally getting around to posting. I go through some of the same thoughts about my own blog — and I’m hardly a professional (or even serious) writer. All I’m trying to do is to write something nice and interesting about a life that isn’t always very nice or very interesting. I face the continual dilemna of post a not-so-well written entry or wait until it’s written well. Since I’m not selling my writing in this blog, my answer is generally to post — and that approach shows in the variable quality of my writing in the blog.
Posted by: Kim (The Spinning Guy)
I’m contemplating that we edit ourselves when we’re being freindly. Cause I don’t think it’s just you. I think that we hide ourselves from one another because we don’t want to be misunderstood and we don’t want to offend.
I know that I’ve learned to soften my personality at times. I’ve been told that I’m loud, and too opinionated and that my passion can be overwelming. And those are the bits of myself that I show when I’m really enthusiasticly freindly.
Being real and whole is all the time for all people is too raw I think. But I also think that as we practice self-editing we can forget to be real and whole. It’s good to be reminded sometimes.
Posted by: LaurieM
I’m contemplating that we edit ourselves when we’re being freindly. Cause I don’t think it’s just you. I think that we hide ourselves from one another because we don’t want to be misunderstood and we don’t want to offend.
I know that I’ve learned to soften my personality at times. I’ve been told that I’m loud, and too opinionated and that my passion can be overwelming. And those are the bits of myself that I show when I’m really enthusiasticly freindly.
Being real and whole is all the time for all people is too raw I think. But I also think that as we practice self-editing we can forget to be real and whole. It’s good to be reminded sometimes.
Posted by: LaurieM
Good rant.
Your blog doesn’t define who you are as a writer, just as being a spouse/child/sister/mother doesn’t define who you are as a person.
Posted by: Jen S
For most of us, our blogs present hugely edited versions of ourselves. I have attacks of perspective from time to time during which my blog strikes me as ‘all surface, no feeling’. But then I recognise that, although my posts are dashed off in rare five minute windows, I’m forging connections. Even if they are based on some echo of me, these connections are a wonderful thing.
Posted by: Noo
While I love your socks, I would miss your rants far more. Stay, please.
Posted by: Lee Ann
Miss us YET??? Sounds like writing is a heavy process, maybe your knitting & blogging is a good balance to the heavy serious lifting. Somehow clears the channels. You’ve been doing both for some time now for a reason. It’s obvious your blog is interesting enough to many of us for knits sake! I graciously thank YOU for breaking my knitter’s block. 🙂 A bonus of your blog is I know several Italian greyhounds who have homes cuz of Sadie, Diego and Cari.
Bravo…bravo
Posted by: lyn
Hmm, guess that means I’m not good enough to read you if you’re already telling me I’m too stupid to get what it means to be a working artist.
Posted by: Amy
Cari, a blog is what it is. I’ve written in mine more than once, “It’s as blog. Not testimony.” We are not defined by our blogs. We are not defined by our art – it is defined by us.
I’m reading Murakami for the first time. http://spinster.blogs.com/spinster/2006/05/page_142.html I say translators don’t get nearly enough credit. What about that book that the italian? guy wrote without using the letter E? Then some somebody had to TRANSLATE it into another language, the same way! So as your writing your books, please remember the 20+ translators who are going to have the task of sharing your works with the rest of the world. There, don’t you feel powerful now?
Posted by: Jenn
I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time and I’m finally getting around to posting. I go through some of the same thoughts about my own blog — and I’m hardly a professional (or even serious) writer. All I’m trying to do is to write something nice and interesting about a life that isn’t always very nice or very interesting. I face the continual dilemna of post a not-so-well written entry or wait until it’s written well. Since I’m not selling my writing in this blog, my answer is generally to post — and that approach shows in the variable quality of my writing in the blog.
Posted by: Kim (The Spinning Guy)