Things that are true today
1. It’s hard to walk with someone’s head resting atop your pubic bone.
2. It’s hard to sit in an office chair with someone’s head resting atop your pubic bone, especially when their feet are still kicking you in the ribs.
3. It’s hard to focus on your work when someone is piking their cute fetus tush up to be patted and rubbed. (This makes for a misshapen bulge in the belly, great for scaring your more squeamish coworkers.)
4. Pizza with eggplant and fresh mozzarella? Delicious. (Yes, technically an off-limits cheese, but one can only give up so many good things.)
5. The belly makes a perfect shelf for resting your book on, should you care to read on the subway.
6. Sleep? I used to do that. I miss it. Oh, don’t get me wrong–I still get into bed at night. Now, though, instead of sleeping, I just lie there uncomfortably and wait for it to be time to get up to pee again.
7. Four more work days after today. I hope I make it through the last day without assaulting anyone with a stapler.
8. I have a big-deal-big-time agent. Luckily, she also happens to be incredibly dedicated and supportive and notorious within the industry for her loyalty to we lucky few, her clients. Unluckily, even this greatest of all agents doesn’t possess a magic wand to conjure up the ideal publishing contract. Nor can she stiffen the spines and resolves of editors who “love a book but are afraid it’s too dark and so would be a tough sell” or who “love a book but don’t know how to place it in the marketplace.” I’ve worked in this industry for 11 years. I already knew going into it that publishers aren’t generally risk-takers in terms of the manuscripts they buy. Still, for some reason I kind of hoped I could be one of those exceptions.
9. I am not one of those exceptions. Ladies and gentlemen, we are headed back into the land of revisions. Hold on tight. Don’t walk up behind me unannounced, as I’ve been known to strike out with sharp red pencil first and ask questions later.
10. The fact that this is a normal part of the shopping-manuscript-around process for many writers (including some I know and greatly admire and who did go on to publish the “tough sell” to great reviews) does not make this easier. You always want to be the lucky one, you see.
11. I am lucky, come to think of it. I’ve still got the greatest agent in all the land rooting in my corner.
12. Head? Resting atop pubic bone? Still not comfortable.
13. My joints are all strung together by rubber bands.
14. Excuse me. Gotta pee.
I so wish I could tell you that sleep will come. It will not. 🙁
Meanwhile, keep the dark version for me. I don’t want my Cari-lit lightened.
Posted by: melanie
I’m coming out of the woodwork here to wish you luck with getting your book published. And the lack of sleep? It’s preparation for what’s to come…
Posted by: Rachel
I’d (maybe?) be grateful for the feel of a head on pelvic bone. The lovely lady residing in my gut likes to lie with her head in my right hand rib cage and her toes tickling my lower abdomen. Yes, we speak of breech. Flip, %$@# it already!
Mozz is off limits? Oh my – so many pizzas later I learn this? Too late to fret now.
Good luck on the book. I wish there were a way to tell the publishers that we LIKE dark. I know several who would be curious about the dark version… myself included.
Posted by: sophiagrrl
I can completely understand where you’re coming from with your publishing chronicles. My first book is being shopped around now, but I’m getting the same reactions: “It’s too dark, we don’t know how to sell it, what kind of book is this?”
One would think that darkness of subject matter would be a selling point for a fantasy novel. My age seems to be counting against me too.
Know this — not only do you have a great agent rooting for you, but everyone who reads your blog is rooting for you too! I really wish you the best.
Posted by: Bee
I remember the feet under the ribs all too well. Hold on, there, Cari, you’re in the home stretch.
Posted by: Carole
I only like to read dark stories. Tell the editors that.
Posted by: amandamonkey
So much going on. Best of luck with the revisions and the pubic bone–I know how it feels and it don’t feel great.
Posted by: Steph
I so wish I could tell you that sleep will come. It will not. 🙁
Meanwhile, keep the dark version for me. I don’t want my Cari-lit lightened.
Posted by: melanie
I’m coming out of the woodwork here to wish you luck with getting your book published. And the lack of sleep? It’s preparation for what’s to come…
Posted by: Rachel
I’d (maybe?) be grateful for the feel of a head on pelvic bone. The lovely lady residing in my gut likes to lie with her head in my right hand rib cage and her toes tickling my lower abdomen. Yes, we speak of breech. Flip, %$@# it already!
Mozz is off limits? Oh my – so many pizzas later I learn this? Too late to fret now.
Good luck on the book. I wish there were a way to tell the publishers that we LIKE dark. I know several who would be curious about the dark version… myself included.
Posted by: sophiagrrl
I can completely understand where you’re coming from with your publishing chronicles. My first book is being shopped around now, but I’m getting the same reactions: “It’s too dark, we don’t know how to sell it, what kind of book is this?”
One would think that darkness of subject matter would be a selling point for a fantasy novel. My age seems to be counting against me too.
Know this — not only do you have a great agent rooting for you, but everyone who reads your blog is rooting for you too! I really wish you the best.
Posted by: Bee
I remember the feet under the ribs all too well. Hold on, there, Cari, you’re in the home stretch.
Posted by: Carole
I only like to read dark stories. Tell the editors that.
Posted by: amandamonkey
So much going on. Best of luck with the revisions and the pubic bone–I know how it feels and it don’t feel great.
Posted by: Steph
A friend of mine has her belly bump kicking her in the heart, palpitations and all!
She is being induced in a few days so the kicker can be free!
I hope you get to sleep soon, and that the revisions go well.
Posted by: Amber
I’m with all the other dark lovers. I read an interview with Debra Magpie Earling a few years ago. She fictionalized her aunt’s tragic death in her novel “Perma Red.” When the novel was shopped out, everyone said it was too dark, and in order to get it published Earling had to change the ending to have her aunt live. She felt like she had betrayed her aunt, but she also thought her aunt would have wanted her to get published. Anyway, when I read the book, I did feel like the ending read false. I think I would have preferred the honest sad ending (but it’s possible that I think that only because I know the story behind it). However, I also think that if revisions will get you published, go for it! Maybe you can start with small compromises and never even get to the big ones.
Posted by: Martha
You ARE lucky, you just need to keep reminding yourself . . . Repeat after me: “I am lucky. I am lucky. Stop kicking. I am lucky…..”
Posted by: –Deb
If only the publishers knew how many readers you already have that would LOVE to go out and buy your book!
Posted by: Jenny
Oh my. I ate pizza while carrying and my daughter is perfect, so I wouldn’t fret too much.
Not a lot more time. Patience, grasshopper, even though I know the last few weeks feel like years …
Posted by: Rabbitch
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve got 17 days to go and nothing fits. baby’s so low now that i can barely walk, as he is sitting between my legs. when i sit, he sits on my lap. cant see, let alone reach my feet. and i also no longer sleeping… just rolling from side to side and yes, getting up to pee. hang in there, it just gets worse till delivery and then at least when you aren’t sleeping you have the comfort of knowing that it’s only because the baby wakes you up. when you get a second to sleep, you’ll sleep wonderfully again!
Posted by: Cambria W
cheese sold in the United States must, by law, be pasteurized. For this reason, the whole “don’t eat soft cheese” warning doesn’t apply to pregnant women in the U.S. because pasteurization kills listeria, which is why soft cheeses are dangerous. That from my midwife after I freaked out because I ate brie & Fuji apples for a week before reading on the internet that soft cheese is a no-no.
Posted by: jen
I’m with Jen on the cheese stuff. I’ve been eating ricotta and proccessed hams, and seafood (although not raw) and a trillion things I shouldn’t, but I trust the cooking and the source. I am sure I read somewhere with No. 1 taht mozarella was actually ok – it’s not classified as a ‘soft cheese’ in the listeria sense because it’s not a mouldy cheese, which is what you’re really looking out for.
Remember the pelvic rubbing all too well, and then when they start scratching on your cervix, that’s fun too. Add a few braxton hicks in there for a bit of variety, and you’ve got yourself a parteeee.
Not.
Posted by: Alison
Mmmmm. Cheeeese…
It’s not the same as shopping a manuscript around, of course, but I am also learning in my job search that, alas, I am not the shining exception to the 6 month rule. Unless I count as such because I may well pass the 6 month mark. Sigh. Anyway, I’m totally rooting for you and your manuscript, and I hope you don’t have to revise too much before some (eminently enlightened) publisher snaps it up.
Now you made me have to pee too!
Posted by: Sneaksleep
OK, the pain, sorry, but he’s TURNED!
Posted by: valentina
A friend of mine has her belly bump kicking her in the heart, palpitations and all!
She is being induced in a few days so the kicker can be free!
I hope you get to sleep soon, and that the revisions go well.
Posted by: Amber
I’m with all the other dark lovers. I read an interview with Debra Magpie Earling a few years ago. She fictionalized her aunt’s tragic death in her novel “Perma Red.” When the novel was shopped out, everyone said it was too dark, and in order to get it published Earling had to change the ending to have her aunt live. She felt like she had betrayed her aunt, but she also thought her aunt would have wanted her to get published. Anyway, when I read the book, I did feel like the ending read false. I think I would have preferred the honest sad ending (but it’s possible that I think that only because I know the story behind it). However, I also think that if revisions will get you published, go for it! Maybe you can start with small compromises and never even get to the big ones.
Posted by: Martha
You ARE lucky, you just need to keep reminding yourself . . . Repeat after me: “I am lucky. I am lucky. Stop kicking. I am lucky…..”
Posted by: –Deb
If only the publishers knew how many readers you already have that would LOVE to go out and buy your book!
Posted by: Jenny
Oh my. I ate pizza while carrying and my daughter is perfect, so I wouldn’t fret too much.
Not a lot more time. Patience, grasshopper, even though I know the last few weeks feel like years …
Posted by: Rabbitch
If it makes you feel any better, I’ve got 17 days to go and nothing fits. baby’s so low now that i can barely walk, as he is sitting between my legs. when i sit, he sits on my lap. cant see, let alone reach my feet. and i also no longer sleeping… just rolling from side to side and yes, getting up to pee. hang in there, it just gets worse till delivery and then at least when you aren’t sleeping you have the comfort of knowing that it’s only because the baby wakes you up. when you get a second to sleep, you’ll sleep wonderfully again!
Posted by: Cambria W
cheese sold in the United States must, by law, be pasteurized. For this reason, the whole “don’t eat soft cheese” warning doesn’t apply to pregnant women in the U.S. because pasteurization kills listeria, which is why soft cheeses are dangerous. That from my midwife after I freaked out because I ate brie & Fuji apples for a week before reading on the internet that soft cheese is a no-no.
Posted by: jen
I’m with Jen on the cheese stuff. I’ve been eating ricotta and proccessed hams, and seafood (although not raw) and a trillion things I shouldn’t, but I trust the cooking and the source. I am sure I read somewhere with No. 1 taht mozarella was actually ok – it’s not classified as a ‘soft cheese’ in the listeria sense because it’s not a mouldy cheese, which is what you’re really looking out for.
Remember the pelvic rubbing all too well, and then when they start scratching on your cervix, that’s fun too. Add a few braxton hicks in there for a bit of variety, and you’ve got yourself a parteeee.
Not.
Posted by: Alison
Mmmmm. Cheeeese…
It’s not the same as shopping a manuscript around, of course, but I am also learning in my job search that, alas, I am not the shining exception to the 6 month rule. Unless I count as such because I may well pass the 6 month mark. Sigh. Anyway, I’m totally rooting for you and your manuscript, and I hope you don’t have to revise too much before some (eminently enlightened) publisher snaps it up.
Now you made me have to pee too!
Posted by: Sneaksleep
OK, the pain, sorry, but he’s TURNED!
Posted by: valentina
There is no tougher sell than a “Knitting humour”book. (Try following that with the line “It’s going to be funny”.) Keep the faith.
Sorry about the pubic bone. On the upside, a baby on your pubic bone is a baby headed in the right direction.
Posted by: Stephanie
Oh yeah, that stage of pregnancy. My younger son had a really long umbilical cord, and did a kind of bungee-jumping-head-down-in-the-pelvis. Boing boing boing, much fun 🙂
And so sorry the publishers aren’t biting yet. Safe traveling in the land of revisions…
Posted by: marrije
I never would have thought that I’d see the words “cute fetus tush” written all together like that, but somehow you manage to make it work.
Head on pubic bone? Feet kicking your ribs? You can’t be too far off now can you? Soon you’ll be “on the other side.” Believe it or not, I kind of miss those feelings.
Don’t worry about the mozz. I went out for sushi and a glass of wine with a friend last year when she was probably about as far along as you are, but it was allright, as we were dining with her midwife. She did get some odd looks, though.
Congrats on getting a good agent.
Best of luck to both of you with the birth of your baby.
Posted by: Siri
I never knew that you weren’t suppose to eat mozzarella. Why is that?
Best of luck with that red pencil.
Posted by: Karen
1. I loves me some eggplant.
2. I like dark stories.
Posted by: Riin
Mine last guy was directly on my bladder.
Nobody ever tells you about the rubber-band joints stuff.
I like dark books, too. Good luck, good luck!
Posted by: Patti
Sounds to me like more than one thing is ready to pop. Butu just in case you need a little “push”:
Tell your agent to sell to me: I love dark!
Posted by: julia fc
last year while hugely pregnant and unable to walk without pain, one of the teens asked why i wa swaddling…duh?
“cuz someone’s head is in my crotch!!!”
why do i type in lowercase?
cuz the baby is a boobist, and worships quite often, too often for me to have two hands.
Posted by: heatherly
If you do go after someone with a stapler, I think that means you get to keep it, or steal it to be with you during your time away. My first thought was to make sure it was a red one…
I love the “let…me…out…of…here.” moves that happen at this stage. One woman was being prep’d for her c-section in the OR and her belly would not stop moving or rolling, much to the dismay of the docs that were there. I thought it was hilarious, but had to muffle my giggles with the mask.
I, too, will pay for dark literature. Good luck with the revisions and I hope you find a good fit with a publisher soon. (I won’t tell you that the shopping is normal or to be expected; I hate it when people tell me that I’ll be a better doctor for all that I’ve gone through, and that it’s a part of the process. I hope to be the lucky one too.)
Posted by: Kristen
Hard to believe dark is a tough sell. After several of my lit classes I would have thought it was the only kind out there- or at least the only kind worth reading. Count me in as one who would want to read the book as you, the author, intended it to be read. I wish more people were willing to take risks.
Posted by: Susan
There is no tougher sell than a “Knitting humour”book. (Try following that with the line “It’s going to be funny”.) Keep the faith.
Sorry about the pubic bone. On the upside, a baby on your pubic bone is a baby headed in the right direction.
Posted by: Stephanie
Oh yeah, that stage of pregnancy. My younger son had a really long umbilical cord, and did a kind of bungee-jumping-head-down-in-the-pelvis. Boing boing boing, much fun 🙂
And so sorry the publishers aren’t biting yet. Safe traveling in the land of revisions…
Posted by: marrije
I never would have thought that I’d see the words “cute fetus tush” written all together like that, but somehow you manage to make it work.
Head on pubic bone? Feet kicking your ribs? You can’t be too far off now can you? Soon you’ll be “on the other side.” Believe it or not, I kind of miss those feelings.
Don’t worry about the mozz. I went out for sushi and a glass of wine with a friend last year when she was probably about as far along as you are, but it was allright, as we were dining with her midwife. She did get some odd looks, though.
Congrats on getting a good agent.
Best of luck to both of you with the birth of your baby.
Posted by: Siri
I never knew that you weren’t suppose to eat mozzarella. Why is that?
Best of luck with that red pencil.
Posted by: Karen
1. I loves me some eggplant.
2. I like dark stories.
Posted by: Riin
Mine last guy was directly on my bladder.
Nobody ever tells you about the rubber-band joints stuff.
I like dark books, too. Good luck, good luck!
Posted by: Patti
Sounds to me like more than one thing is ready to pop. Butu just in case you need a little “push”:
Tell your agent to sell to me: I love dark!
Posted by: julia fc
last year while hugely pregnant and unable to walk without pain, one of the teens asked why i wa swaddling…duh?
“cuz someone’s head is in my crotch!!!”
why do i type in lowercase?
cuz the baby is a boobist, and worships quite often, too often for me to have two hands.
Posted by: heatherly
If you do go after someone with a stapler, I think that means you get to keep it, or steal it to be with you during your time away. My first thought was to make sure it was a red one…
I love the “let…me…out…of…here.” moves that happen at this stage. One woman was being prep’d for her c-section in the OR and her belly would not stop moving or rolling, much to the dismay of the docs that were there. I thought it was hilarious, but had to muffle my giggles with the mask.
I, too, will pay for dark literature. Good luck with the revisions and I hope you find a good fit with a publisher soon. (I won’t tell you that the shopping is normal or to be expected; I hate it when people tell me that I’ll be a better doctor for all that I’ve gone through, and that it’s a part of the process. I hope to be the lucky one too.)
Posted by: Kristen
Hard to believe dark is a tough sell. After several of my lit classes I would have thought it was the only kind out there- or at least the only kind worth reading. Count me in as one who would want to read the book as you, the author, intended it to be read. I wish more people were willing to take risks.
Posted by: Susan
It was twenty years ago for my first one, but I still remember the feeling of little feet, kicking the shit out of my ribs.
Sleep will come eventually.
Linda
Posted by: Linda Long
At least I wasn’t trying to sell a book while the kid was practicing to be a line-backer. That came later. But we get hiccups. Hard, bad ones that make your throat sore. I can tell you, it’s no fun when they get the hiccups while still inside. And usually when they have something pushed painfully into your bladder (when don’t they?) But waiting for that next hiccups is like Chinese Water torture!
Posted by: Renae
Wondeful, fabulous news about the agent. Dark hard to sell? Oh please. House of Sand & Fog, yeah, uplifting tale. Sheesh. Keep it so you still love it.
Posted by: Dharma
It was twenty years ago for my first one, but I still remember the feeling of little feet, kicking the shit out of my ribs.
Sleep will come eventually.
Linda
Posted by: Linda Long
At least I wasn’t trying to sell a book while the kid was practicing to be a line-backer. That came later. But we get hiccups. Hard, bad ones that make your throat sore. I can tell you, it’s no fun when they get the hiccups while still inside. And usually when they have something pushed painfully into your bladder (when don’t they?) But waiting for that next hiccups is like Chinese Water torture!
Posted by: Renae
Wondeful, fabulous news about the agent. Dark hard to sell? Oh please. House of Sand & Fog, yeah, uplifting tale. Sheesh. Keep it so you still love it.
Posted by: Dharma