Leaving New York
When we bought this house in 2003, I was sure wed live here forever. Wed raise our kids here. Billy and I would die here, in our sleep, holding hands, in our late eighties. Apparently Billy wasnt sold on the idea that wed always be in New York, but at the time I couldnt have imagined it any other way.
I was born here. When I was five, about to start school, my family left the city for the Jersey suburbs. The public schools in our neighborhood (we lived in Stuyvestant Town) were apparently a wreck and my parents didnt want to send their Jewish kids to Catholic schools. Nor were other types of private schools within reach for us. And the city, well it was a different place in the seventies, wasnt it? We didnt move very far from the city, and we came back all the time to visit friends who stuck it out, so I always knew what I was missing. The suburbs were not a good fit for me, and I was miserable there. I never understood why my parents moved us out of New York, and I came back as soon as I could.
Well, now I get it. I still could not happily live in the suburbs, because thats not how Im wired. Nor is Billy wired that way. Were city kids. But Im ready to let go of New York. Every day theres another article in the Times about subprime mortgages and people losing their homes, and Im so grateful that were not in that position. Weve got a fixed mortgage at a low rate. If we were willing to keep up the crazy work life that is the norm in this city, we could stay. I know how lucky we are, that we have the luxury to choose to leave or stay. But thats not what we want for us. Its just not working.
I love my city. I really do. But theres an underlying truth to it that I didnt really see until I had a baby: To live comfortably in New York as a family, you need a tremendous amount of money. Money, and the pursuit of it, makes up a huge part of New York culture. You dont have to buy into that, and for the most part Billy and I havent. But that gets harder once a baby comes along. To live comfortably here (as we define comfort), we both need to work. From what I gather from the other young families we meet, the partners of lawyers and hedge fund managers get to stay home with the kids. The partners of physical therapists? Not so much. Billy is an excellent physical therapist. Hes passionate about his work, about helping people. Getting them stronger, taking away their pain. And hes really damn good at it. I love that about him. And he makes a very good living, by most standards. Add my freelance income to that, pre baby, and we were doing quite well. Nice house. Good food. Yarn. No money for vacations and the like, and we kept the belts tight, but we were fine. Just fine.
Now? I have to do my freelance work while the baby sleeps, which means working the 10pm to 2am shift. And I cant get nearly as much work done as I used to (duh) so Im not bringing as much income to the family. Billy is working fourteen-hour days. Were tired. Thumper only really sees Billy on the weekends. Weekends when were all so exhausted from our workweek that we just kind of crash. Were making ends meet, but working our asses off to do it. And for what? To be able to say we live in New York? Who cares? Yes, its where were from (Billy was born and raised on the Upper West Side). Yes, our mothers live here. But apart from that? Whats keeping us here?
So the money thing was what started the conversationwhy are we working so hard to stay here, and what kind of family life is that resulting in. But that was just the catalyst that got us talking. We could stay here if we wanted to keep working this hard, or we could work less, sell the house, buy a smaller place in the city and stay. I could plunk Thumper in daycare and go back to working full-time and wed be fine, financially. Stay in the house, etc. But all those options came back to one thing: Thats not what we want for our family.
Each family has to make their choices based on whats right for them. For us, personally, it is extremely important that I be home with Thumper. That doesnt mean not workingI like my editing work and I want to contribute to the familys income. (And if the damn novel ever sells, even better.) So theres that. And we want to have another baby in a couple of years. We want to send the kids to public schools. While it is possible to find a decent public school here in New York, if you arent zoned for one of the good schools (were not), the parents (usually the mom) have to make it a full-time job to get the child a variance into a good school. And even those good schools are, for the most part, overcrowded and suffering from lack of resources. And dont get me started on how parents had to camp out overnight just to get spots in public pre-k programs this year. Camping out. Overnight. For pre-k that they were ZONED for. They lived in the district and still werent guaranteed slots for their kids.
We want to raise our kids in a city, but in a city that isnt so completely driven by money. In a city that moves a bit slower, that affords us easier access to nature, that treads a bit more lightly on the earth. We want to recycle, damnit. (NYC only recycles #1 and #2 plastics.) We want to breathe cleaner air. We want to compost. We want to have an organic vegetable garden in our backyard without worrying so much about whats in the soil. (We have a yard here, but I havent dared plant anything edible.)
It feels like New York has changed in the last decade or so. Or maybe its us who have changed. But I dont know More and more, as I talk to people about our move I learn that others have been having the same conversation, with or without kids as a factor. More and more, people are looking to get out of New York. Who can afford to be here now as a family? Or as a working artist, for that matter? Is New York over, or does it just look that way to me, now that Im willing to let it go?
The week before Billy and I made our decision to leave, Valentina and Squeaky were here for a playdate. As you know, they moved to Lucerne last year. I found myself thinking, I wish Billy was from a different country, so we could leave New York.
What the hell is that?! Had I had the New York As Center of the Universe thing so deeply shoved into my consciousness that I thought I needed an honorable discharge from New York? As if the only way one could leave here without losing face would be to leave the continent? Seriously?
And then I realized that every time I read about a knitblogger moving to Portland, I got jealous.
And there you have it. We love New York. And were leaving New York. And we feel really, really good about it.
It’s amazing how attached you can get to a house and how things change importance at different stages of life, isn’t it? I live in Minneapolis. Technically, in a first tier suburb just west of Minneapolis. I moved here from the Washington DC area nearly 9 years ago now.
In Washington, I spent 6 days a week 14-16 hours away from home either working or commuting to and from work. In Minneapolis, I complain if I work a 10 hour day (including my commute, and I commute less than an hour round trip instead of the 3+ in Washington) and have only worked on the weekend 4 times in the last 7 years. I lived downtown (when I was in my early 20s) and then in the suburbs and now in a happy in between place. A little city feel, a little suburb feel. The schools are apparently good (I don’t have any kids yet), but people sign their kids up for kindergarden a year in advance (weird). I moved here to get more of a life and, thankfully, found one.
The one drawback of this place – it’s April and we’re expecting 6″ of snow tonight. Yesterday, I raked my back yard without a coat on. Very bizarre. I hope you find more joy in your new home.
Posted by: Jennfier
I don’t know you, but for what it’s worth, I think you’ve made a fine, fine decision. I’m not a New Yorker, so I don’t have that particular consideration to deal with. But I was a diplomat working in Moscow when I decided to get married, and I faced much the same decision. I was extrememly ambitious and well-educated, with a successful, exciting career. I knew I wanted to have kids, but I also realized that I couldn’t do that job properly and continue on a high-powered career path, working 12-hour days and traveling. In the end, I moved back to San Diego (where my parents live) and gave up working outside of the home. It was a very difficult transition for me, but the result is two absolutely amazing, well-adjusted, really smart and beautiful kids–and a very happy, 10-year marriage, too. I doubt I would have had either of those things if I hadn’t made the tough choice I did back then. So yeah, it’s a change, and it’s a little scary, and you don’t know where it will lead, but if you made the choice together, based on what you really want for your family, then you have to have faith in it and be proud of putting your family first.
Posted by: Suzanne
It’s a really hard decision, but I think you guys are right. Esp. when you point out how parents have to camp out to get their kids slots in a school they’re in the district for…that’s just crazy!
Posted by: Kate
i’m happy for you guys. thumper’s lucky that his parents have such strong ideas about what they want for him. and i’m sure you guys will love portland.
Posted by: karen
It must have been an agonizing decision to leave. I can’t imagine leaving my small town in Oregon. I’m wired differently and couldn’t live in a town, I did for 7 years and I don’t like being able to see/hear my neighbors. So come on out here, help us battle the grocery stores who don’t want us to be able to have a deposit on water bottles, plant and grow your organic veggies, or join a local CSA. We will welcome you with our open arms and clean air. I hope you enjoy Portland as much as NYC. I do guarantee the traffic to be quite a bit less 😉
Posted by: Michele
Congratulations for being one of the relatively few people who can step back from their current situation and see other possibilities.
The future is looking bright for you.
Posted by: jessie
I forgot to add, depending on when you get here, you can drive 2 hrs south to the black sheep gathering http://www.blacksheepgathering.org/
🙂
Posted by: Michele
It is funny, how having a baby makes you reexamine things you thought you were completely sure of. And you’re right–different options for different people.
I think you should move to Minneapolis. 🙂 Lots of nice knitters and writers here!
Posted by: Amy
I just think you are so brave to be moving cross-country… it’ll be such an adventure. I’m a SAHM, too, and I know I’d do just about anything to keep it that way – good for you for deciding that keeping up with the Joneses is not worth the toll it takes on your family. Can’t wait to read all about the adventure ahead…
Posted by: Liz in IL
I wish you guys so much happiness! We’ve been having those discussions lately, as I’ve mentioned before. I’m glad to hear other strong, hard-working, independent people are coming to the same decisions we are. I’m also glad to see how many commenters have such good things to say about the Twin Cities, since that’s where were headed to have our baby!
Posted by: Susan
It’s amazing how attached you can get to a house and how things change importance at different stages of life, isn’t it? I live in Minneapolis. Technically, in a first tier suburb just west of Minneapolis. I moved here from the Washington DC area nearly 9 years ago now.
In Washington, I spent 6 days a week 14-16 hours away from home either working or commuting to and from work. In Minneapolis, I complain if I work a 10 hour day (including my commute, and I commute less than an hour round trip instead of the 3+ in Washington) and have only worked on the weekend 4 times in the last 7 years. I lived downtown (when I was in my early 20s) and then in the suburbs and now in a happy in between place. A little city feel, a little suburb feel. The schools are apparently good (I don’t have any kids yet), but people sign their kids up for kindergarden a year in advance (weird). I moved here to get more of a life and, thankfully, found one.
The one drawback of this place – it’s April and we’re expecting 6″ of snow tonight. Yesterday, I raked my back yard without a coat on. Very bizarre. I hope you find more joy in your new home.
Posted by: Jennfier
I don’t know you, but for what it’s worth, I think you’ve made a fine, fine decision. I’m not a New Yorker, so I don’t have that particular consideration to deal with. But I was a diplomat working in Moscow when I decided to get married, and I faced much the same decision. I was extrememly ambitious and well-educated, with a successful, exciting career. I knew I wanted to have kids, but I also realized that I couldn’t do that job properly and continue on a high-powered career path, working 12-hour days and traveling. In the end, I moved back to San Diego (where my parents live) and gave up working outside of the home. It was a very difficult transition for me, but the result is two absolutely amazing, well-adjusted, really smart and beautiful kids–and a very happy, 10-year marriage, too. I doubt I would have had either of those things if I hadn’t made the tough choice I did back then. So yeah, it’s a change, and it’s a little scary, and you don’t know where it will lead, but if you made the choice together, based on what you really want for your family, then you have to have faith in it and be proud of putting your family first.
Posted by: Suzanne
It’s a really hard decision, but I think you guys are right. Esp. when you point out how parents have to camp out to get their kids slots in a school they’re in the district for…that’s just crazy!
Posted by: Kate
i’m happy for you guys. thumper’s lucky that his parents have such strong ideas about what they want for him. and i’m sure you guys will love portland.
Posted by: karen
It must have been an agonizing decision to leave. I can’t imagine leaving my small town in Oregon. I’m wired differently and couldn’t live in a town, I did for 7 years and I don’t like being able to see/hear my neighbors. So come on out here, help us battle the grocery stores who don’t want us to be able to have a deposit on water bottles, plant and grow your organic veggies, or join a local CSA. We will welcome you with our open arms and clean air. I hope you enjoy Portland as much as NYC. I do guarantee the traffic to be quite a bit less 😉
Posted by: Michele
Congratulations for being one of the relatively few people who can step back from their current situation and see other possibilities.
The future is looking bright for you.
Posted by: jessie
I forgot to add, depending on when you get here, you can drive 2 hrs south to the black sheep gathering http://www.blacksheepgathering.org/
🙂
Posted by: Michele
It is funny, how having a baby makes you reexamine things you thought you were completely sure of. And you’re right–different options for different people.
I think you should move to Minneapolis. 🙂 Lots of nice knitters and writers here!
Posted by: Amy
I just think you are so brave to be moving cross-country… it’ll be such an adventure. I’m a SAHM, too, and I know I’d do just about anything to keep it that way – good for you for deciding that keeping up with the Joneses is not worth the toll it takes on your family. Can’t wait to read all about the adventure ahead…
Posted by: Liz in IL
I wish you guys so much happiness! We’ve been having those discussions lately, as I’ve mentioned before. I’m glad to hear other strong, hard-working, independent people are coming to the same decisions we are. I’m also glad to see how many commenters have such good things to say about the Twin Cities, since that’s where were headed to have our baby!
Posted by: Susan
It’s not just in NYC where moms and dads need to work. We’re in the burbs and couldn’t get by on one salary (neither of us runs a hedge fund).
Posted by: Netter
New Jersey sucks comments aside – that’s why I love where I live. I’m literally like 5 miles from the city, but really world’s apart. My apartment is HUGE, I pay low taxes for NJ (I’m in a less desirable county that backs up to all the frou frou ones) and I get the best of all worlds, as far as I’m concerned. We want a house though. We think. We can’t afford anything that will give us the space we have now AND a little bit of land. We want to have kids. But where will we put them? And where will they go to school?
Our problem is that my husband’s job isn’t portable. He works in the corporate world and even if he were to find another job, chances are it would be right here.
I feel you. I’m so glad you’ve got an opportunity to do what’s best for your family. I’m sure it hasn’t been an easy decision – but you sound happy about it – if not a bit nostalgic.
Posted by: Cara
You have obviously thought about this a lot and you’re making the right decision for your family. I give you a lot of credit for taking the leap.
Posted by: Carole
This was a great post, and thank you for sharing it with us. If you’re talking Portland, OR? You’ll love it. I mean, definitely a huge change from NYC in the way that Earth is a bit different from, oh, MARS, but it’s lovely. Major book city, very green, lots of river and water everywhere, and I enjoyed my time at college in that city. Welcome to the Left Coast! 🙂
Posted by: moiraeknittoo
I wish Billy were from Toronto, so you’d maybe be moving here. But our housing prices are stupid ugly too. Circumstances after my son was born made me the primary income earner after my mat leave ended (but at least you get a full year mat leave up here) but my dream job is stay at home mom. This is a really exciting and wonderful thing you guys are doing. You’re taking us with you, right?
Posted by: Rachel H
It’s not just in NYC where moms and dads need to work. We’re in the burbs and couldn’t get by on one salary (neither of us runs a hedge fund).
Posted by: Netter
New Jersey sucks comments aside – that’s why I love where I live. I’m literally like 5 miles from the city, but really world’s apart. My apartment is HUGE, I pay low taxes for NJ (I’m in a less desirable county that backs up to all the frou frou ones) and I get the best of all worlds, as far as I’m concerned. We want a house though. We think. We can’t afford anything that will give us the space we have now AND a little bit of land. We want to have kids. But where will we put them? And where will they go to school?
Our problem is that my husband’s job isn’t portable. He works in the corporate world and even if he were to find another job, chances are it would be right here.
I feel you. I’m so glad you’ve got an opportunity to do what’s best for your family. I’m sure it hasn’t been an easy decision – but you sound happy about it – if not a bit nostalgic.
Posted by: Cara
You have obviously thought about this a lot and you’re making the right decision for your family. I give you a lot of credit for taking the leap.
Posted by: Carole
This was a great post, and thank you for sharing it with us. If you’re talking Portland, OR? You’ll love it. I mean, definitely a huge change from NYC in the way that Earth is a bit different from, oh, MARS, but it’s lovely. Major book city, very green, lots of river and water everywhere, and I enjoyed my time at college in that city. Welcome to the Left Coast! 🙂
Posted by: moiraeknittoo
I wish Billy were from Toronto, so you’d maybe be moving here. But our housing prices are stupid ugly too. Circumstances after my son was born made me the primary income earner after my mat leave ended (but at least you get a full year mat leave up here) but my dream job is stay at home mom. This is a really exciting and wonderful thing you guys are doing. You’re taking us with you, right?
Posted by: Rachel H
As you know, I’ll mourn the loss of you guys in NY personally, but I also totally understand. Totally. We managed, but also talk about leaving once the kid is out of college. If we’re not too old by then to make drastic life changes. 😉
You’ll be fine out there, it will be better. And I *will* visit.
Posted by: Cassie
There’s also Oregon Flock and Fiber Festival [to piggyback on the comment above about Black Sheep]. OFFF is even closer to Portland than Black Sheep and I liked both festivals equally well.
Posted by: TheBon
Yeah, I still daydream about moving back to Minneapolis.
Posted by: Michelle
We’ve had this conversation, but I’ll say it again: the city I love has changed. You know I’m all about Brooklyn, but I don’t think I’ll be here much longer. Eventually NYC will lose most of what makes it what it is. I wonder what it will become?
Posted by: Iris
Thanks for sharing. It’s so admirable that you were able to take a step back and really consider what’s right for you and your family. How many people really do that? I hope that Portland is everything you want it to be 🙂
Posted by: Kristy
Tough, but good decisions to make. Way to work through it all and choose what feels (the most) right for you and your family.
Funny, living at essentially the opposite spectrum from NYC, where it isn’t always easy to make ends meet either, I always have in the back of my mind the question, “What city could I live in if I found that I HAD to?” Seattle is the obvious choice because that’s where my family is but I, too, keep finding myself feeling jealous of others living/moving to Portland.
Posted by: Siri
Good for you, for choosing what works best for your family. The Northwest is a green, gorgeous place. 🙂
Posted by: Katinka
Congratulations on your decision, hard though it may be to make. We are currently going through a similar situation– trying to put the needs of our little family before working ourselves to death, which is what we have been doing. Best of luck!
Posted by: Amy
The great thing about New York is it’s always “over,” coming to an end of whatever cycle it has most recently spawned; and it’s always there to come back to and rediscover and re-connect with. I say this as one who has had some very intense periods of New York-ness and some very intense periods elsewhere. Leaving New York is a great thing to do because it proves you can; because it broadens your horizons; and because it doesn’t close any doors on your someday returning ten or twenty or thirty years down the line. As my mother said when she moved the family to the Southwest when I was 15 (kicking and screaming, believe me), “I don’t want my kids to be provincial New Yorkers.” She was 100% right. I think Portland will be a great and wonderful adventure for you.
Meanwhile, your blog, which I found because I love knitting, turns out to be fueling my other great passion/addition: New York real estate. Any knitters allowed at your open house? I’ve always dreamed of moving back to Brooklyn.
Posted by: YTT
Congratulations on your decision. Doesn’t it just make it easier to breathe once the decision is made? I think you will love another city…
Posted by: Anne-Caroline
What a tough decision. But in the end the family part is all that matters. Now the really tough part is packing! So you will be moving to Portland, I assume?
Posted by: yaiAnn
Interesting discussion of a difficult decision. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: LaurieM
i have lived in nyc and portland, but was raised a good ol’ southern california suburban girl. i loved both cities, never even entertained the idea of family in nyc, tried portland with family in mind, but did not stick, then returned back to my home town of la verne. we returned ‘home’ for many reasons…family, support, longing for the foothills, but there was not one bad thing about portland. if tim and i were a little richer, we would have bought in the nw neighborhood and stayed…it is a great city. i myself am a physical therapist and worked for a wonderful hospital system while in portland, please feel free to email if you have questions about it. now we regret not our decisions… it shaped our lives today. we are lucky to have experienced all the places we have and have found our fit. i am glad you and your family are will be experiencing this exciting change, my favorite thing about portland is that it reminds one of nyc, just very very clean.
Posted by: mamie
Inspiring post, Cari. It’s so hard sometimes to see outside of our current situations and think, what if? You guys are totally brave for doing that.
Posted by: Carrie
Forgive me, but I just have to defend NYC. And it doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you or don’t applaud your decision. Portland, by all accounts, is a wonderful place, and it sounds like a great decision.
But I think the idea that New York is over is ridiculous. It is, as another commenter noted above, always changing, and that is a sign of its health and vibrancy.
I moved back to the city a while ago, after having been away for a couple years, and it seems to me to be more than ever culturally alive, filled with artists and writers doing interesting things. And I am a working artist, so I am no stranger to the difficulty of keeping the rent paid.
But it has always been expensive to live here (at least since the 80s, and when it was cheaper, it was more dangerous) – that is part of the unavoidable list of hassles. I think the real distinction here is between big cities and smaller ones. Any world-class city is unbearably expensive to live in, and difficult for families with young children. This is no less true of Paris or London than it is of New York.
In fact, I have a good friend who’s lived in London for more than twenty years, and who recently decided to move to a small town near but outside the city, because she didn’t want her son going to the rough schools in her neighborhood. It was a painful decision, and she is very much a Londoner at heart.
I also know that there are plenty of suburbs in which the cost of living has become exorbitant (my sister lives in one), and in which the competition to get one’s kids into desirable schools is crazy-fierce.
Posted by: Lizbon
I wonder if other places have the same sort of grip on people. My husband grew up in the Bronx during what was certainly its lowest period. Despite that when it came time to move out on his own he did not want to leave. He tried Brooklyn for years but eventually got tired of spending all his money on a dark apartment with insane neighbors and all the other problems of city living. When he grudgingly settled on the suburbs he kept his old license in his wallet for years so he wouldn’t have to admit to living here. Forget about moving to another city though NYC is it for him.
Posted by: JessZ
Thoughtful, interesting post. We live outside of Boston, north, along the coast. I commuted for years into my fascinating job in the city. Sometimes it took up to 2 hours by car each way. Marriage, then one child, made me regret all that time on the road – plus child #1 hated going to day care. TWO children makes it really hard for a mother to continue working unless you make so much money that you can afford really good day care. But the hassle of getting everyone out of the house in the morning, coupled with the reality that the working/child care trade off leaves almost no extra income, led me to stay at home – which is what I wanted to do anyway. It was difficult to manage on one salary, but we did, and we were/are happy. Rockport is a tiny town; the elementary school is quite good, but by secondary school, we were looking around for something more stimulating. Sadly, it’s not only in NYC or other big cities that public schools can be inadequate. My daughters were fortunate that they were able to attend high school in a neighboring town under “school choice” in Massachusetts, especially because we could not afford private school. I guess the gist of this comment is that no matter where you are, you still have to devote a lot of attention and energy to your children’s environment and education, and it’s harder (but not impossible) to do that when you’re not in that top financial 1% we keep hearing about. It sounds like your family is taking a giant step in the right direction – congratulations and good luck. And keep blogging, please!
Posted by: Mary K. in Rockport
My mother left New York (for Mississippi, of all places), she misses it (but she moved to Mississippi, so don’t use her as a cautionary tale). With all the thought that you have given your decision, I think you (and your family) will be fine. And really, it will make visiting New York all the better, I think.
Posted by: nova
As you know, I’ll mourn the loss of you guys in NY personally, but I also totally understand. Totally. We managed, but also talk about leaving once the kid is out of college. If we’re not too old by then to make drastic life changes. 😉
You’ll be fine out there, it will be better. And I *will* visit.
Posted by: Cassie
There’s also Oregon Flock and Fiber Festival [to piggyback on the comment above about Black Sheep]. OFFF is even closer to Portland than Black Sheep and I liked both festivals equally well.
Posted by: TheBon
Yeah, I still daydream about moving back to Minneapolis.
Posted by: Michelle
We’ve had this conversation, but I’ll say it again: the city I love has changed. You know I’m all about Brooklyn, but I don’t think I’ll be here much longer. Eventually NYC will lose most of what makes it what it is. I wonder what it will become?
Posted by: Iris
Thanks for sharing. It’s so admirable that you were able to take a step back and really consider what’s right for you and your family. How many people really do that? I hope that Portland is everything you want it to be 🙂
Posted by: Kristy
Tough, but good decisions to make. Way to work through it all and choose what feels (the most) right for you and your family.
Funny, living at essentially the opposite spectrum from NYC, where it isn’t always easy to make ends meet either, I always have in the back of my mind the question, “What city could I live in if I found that I HAD to?” Seattle is the obvious choice because that’s where my family is but I, too, keep finding myself feeling jealous of others living/moving to Portland.
Posted by: Siri
Good for you, for choosing what works best for your family. The Northwest is a green, gorgeous place. 🙂
Posted by: Katinka
Congratulations on your decision, hard though it may be to make. We are currently going through a similar situation– trying to put the needs of our little family before working ourselves to death, which is what we have been doing. Best of luck!
Posted by: Amy
The great thing about New York is it’s always “over,” coming to an end of whatever cycle it has most recently spawned; and it’s always there to come back to and rediscover and re-connect with. I say this as one who has had some very intense periods of New York-ness and some very intense periods elsewhere. Leaving New York is a great thing to do because it proves you can; because it broadens your horizons; and because it doesn’t close any doors on your someday returning ten or twenty or thirty years down the line. As my mother said when she moved the family to the Southwest when I was 15 (kicking and screaming, believe me), “I don’t want my kids to be provincial New Yorkers.” She was 100% right. I think Portland will be a great and wonderful adventure for you.
Meanwhile, your blog, which I found because I love knitting, turns out to be fueling my other great passion/addition: New York real estate. Any knitters allowed at your open house? I’ve always dreamed of moving back to Brooklyn.
Posted by: YTT
Congratulations on your decision. Doesn’t it just make it easier to breathe once the decision is made? I think you will love another city…
Posted by: Anne-Caroline
What a tough decision. But in the end the family part is all that matters. Now the really tough part is packing! So you will be moving to Portland, I assume?
Posted by: yaiAnn
Interesting discussion of a difficult decision. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: LaurieM
i have lived in nyc and portland, but was raised a good ol’ southern california suburban girl. i loved both cities, never even entertained the idea of family in nyc, tried portland with family in mind, but did not stick, then returned back to my home town of la verne. we returned ‘home’ for many reasons…family, support, longing for the foothills, but there was not one bad thing about portland. if tim and i were a little richer, we would have bought in the nw neighborhood and stayed…it is a great city. i myself am a physical therapist and worked for a wonderful hospital system while in portland, please feel free to email if you have questions about it. now we regret not our decisions… it shaped our lives today. we are lucky to have experienced all the places we have and have found our fit. i am glad you and your family are will be experiencing this exciting change, my favorite thing about portland is that it reminds one of nyc, just very very clean.
Posted by: mamie
Inspiring post, Cari. It’s so hard sometimes to see outside of our current situations and think, what if? You guys are totally brave for doing that.
Posted by: Carrie
Forgive me, but I just have to defend NYC. And it doesn’t mean I’m not happy for you or don’t applaud your decision. Portland, by all accounts, is a wonderful place, and it sounds like a great decision.
But I think the idea that New York is over is ridiculous. It is, as another commenter noted above, always changing, and that is a sign of its health and vibrancy.
I moved back to the city a while ago, after having been away for a couple years, and it seems to me to be more than ever culturally alive, filled with artists and writers doing interesting things. And I am a working artist, so I am no stranger to the difficulty of keeping the rent paid.
But it has always been expensive to live here (at least since the 80s, and when it was cheaper, it was more dangerous) – that is part of the unavoidable list of hassles. I think the real distinction here is between big cities and smaller ones. Any world-class city is unbearably expensive to live in, and difficult for families with young children. This is no less true of Paris or London than it is of New York.
In fact, I have a good friend who’s lived in London for more than twenty years, and who recently decided to move to a small town near but outside the city, because she didn’t want her son going to the rough schools in her neighborhood. It was a painful decision, and she is very much a Londoner at heart.
I also know that there are plenty of suburbs in which the cost of living has become exorbitant (my sister lives in one), and in which the competition to get one’s kids into desirable schools is crazy-fierce.
Posted by: Lizbon
I wonder if other places have the same sort of grip on people. My husband grew up in the Bronx during what was certainly its lowest period. Despite that when it came time to move out on his own he did not want to leave. He tried Brooklyn for years but eventually got tired of spending all his money on a dark apartment with insane neighbors and all the other problems of city living. When he grudgingly settled on the suburbs he kept his old license in his wallet for years so he wouldn’t have to admit to living here. Forget about moving to another city though NYC is it for him.
Posted by: JessZ
Thoughtful, interesting post. We live outside of Boston, north, along the coast. I commuted for years into my fascinating job in the city. Sometimes it took up to 2 hours by car each way. Marriage, then one child, made me regret all that time on the road – plus child #1 hated going to day care. TWO children makes it really hard for a mother to continue working unless you make so much money that you can afford really good day care. But the hassle of getting everyone out of the house in the morning, coupled with the reality that the working/child care trade off leaves almost no extra income, led me to stay at home – which is what I wanted to do anyway. It was difficult to manage on one salary, but we did, and we were/are happy. Rockport is a tiny town; the elementary school is quite good, but by secondary school, we were looking around for something more stimulating. Sadly, it’s not only in NYC or other big cities that public schools can be inadequate. My daughters were fortunate that they were able to attend high school in a neighboring town under “school choice” in Massachusetts, especially because we could not afford private school. I guess the gist of this comment is that no matter where you are, you still have to devote a lot of attention and energy to your children’s environment and education, and it’s harder (but not impossible) to do that when you’re not in that top financial 1% we keep hearing about. It sounds like your family is taking a giant step in the right direction – congratulations and good luck. And keep blogging, please!
Posted by: Mary K. in Rockport
My mother left New York (for Mississippi, of all places), she misses it (but she moved to Mississippi, so don’t use her as a cautionary tale). With all the thought that you have given your decision, I think you (and your family) will be fine. And really, it will make visiting New York all the better, I think.
Posted by: nova
It’s funny how I was just telling my husband about your upcoming move and all the reasons I thought that you were doing it. I was pretty much right on. I’m so so glad. and I’m so so happy for you guys. The adventure of life never ends. 🙂
Posted by: Laura
We went through similar things about buying a house in Toronto. We moved to the city (back for Craig) to live IN the city, not the burbs. We rented with the kids for years. We thought of getting out and sometimes I still do, even now that we have a house and live in a great downtown neighbourhood with good schools and a short subway ride to work. Our money (which is great everywhere but here) would go farther. We would feel less pressure to make money. But I’m not completely sure I’d be happier since we’re still city people. I can see how hard your decision must have been.
A good friend and his wife decided to pick where they wanted to live (a West coast island in BC) and find a way to make it work. You’re doing the same and it’ll be great. I confess I’m a bit jealous–sounds like an adventure!
Posted by: Steph
You’re a great mom, and you and Billy clearly doing what’s best for your family. I don’t think it’s that dissimilar from the journey so many of our ancestors(including my parents) made years ago across continents and oceans in search of a better life for their children.I have often wished that i had chosen a career that allowed me greater mobility, but honestly, i don’t think i could leave the NY-metro area. I wish stuff wasn’t so bloody expensive, and i wish the school situation wasn’t so absurd. I long to spend more time with my kids, but we make do with what we have and i treasure the time i do get to spend with them. I will miss you terribly, but i’m glad that you’re doing this.
Posted by: regina
Honestly, I think what makes New York so vibrant is the influx of people with dreams. People don’t move to New York from elsewhere for the good schools or the clean air, or the great neighborhoods. They move to NY DESPITE it’s drawbacks because they have dreams they want to realize and feel they can do that best in New York. New York is a magical place in that respect, but at some point, when you’ve attained what you’re happy with and your dreams shift, then your priorities shift as well.
We’ve got a dream of living in the Northwest as well, and if I become a full time knitter or knit designer, we might do it. But for now I love Salt Lake and we’ll probably buy a house. But Portland means you’re closer to Salt Lake. And if you move out here by driving, you should DEFINITELY stop in Salt Lake for lunch or something.
Posted by: Miriam
We lived in Asheville NC for several years and loved the lifestyle. A great downtown with lovely yarnshops and galleries, plenty of outdoor things to do. Moving out of NYS was the best thing we could have done income-wise, the taxes killed us.
I highly recommend Asheville as an alternative to NYC!
Posted by: martha
Personally, I think it’s good to live in a couple of different cities in one’s life. Maybe that’s easier for me to consider, because I didn’t even grow up in a city, so there was never any doubt that I’d move (if I wanted more education, there was no choice). I think you’ll find a lot of differences between the west and east coasts — the first time I moved from west to east, in 1991, I was shocked — but I think your family will settle in so well on the west coast. I’m very excited for you. This is all about opportunity. (And Thumper can always say he was born in Brooklyn, which will amount to all kinds of street cred in Oregon!)
Posted by: alison
If the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Thumper might move back to NYC someday.
😉
I really wish you the best with your move, and I hope Portland is everything you want and more.
Posted by: claudia
I think I missed something… It looks like you examined your lives and decided to leave the city. (I love visiting NYC, but don’t think I’d like to live there personally). And it looks like you were jealous of knitbloggers moving to Portland.
Does that mean you ARE moving to Portland? I didn’t take it that way, but I guess I missed it because so many others think you said that… (I thought you said out of the city, but didn’t mention a specific destination other than another city-like place.)
I’d hate to move cross country from my mom, though could see moving a state or two away.
Good luck whatever you decide(d). 🙂
Posted by: Kathleen
I went through the exact same thing and we moved out of the city when our son was 3. I love NY but I don’t miss the compromises (financial and otherwise) we used to make to say “we live in NY.” I still miss many things about Brooklyn, but I can enjoy all that as an occasional visitor. Good luck in Portland!
Posted by: Kim
Makes sense. And so beautifully written. This could add up to its own book. Hope to talk with you at some point soon.
Posted by: Philip
A few thoughts along with much support for your change. You said it: NY is a money town, in every way, and unless you can play the game and live a good life, there’s no point to it. You can always visit with the money you save living elsewhere. And I think we’re all more flexible than we realize. There are lots of possibilities out there — look at the many different lives of knitbloggers — and with a good partner you can deal with anything that comes along. You’re finding that out now. On to the next adventure!
Posted by: Luise
My husband went through the same sort of thinking process before we moved. (Me? I’m an army brat. I’ll move anytime.) He’d lived in & near NYC his whole life, & leaving was a big deal. But moving to NC was the best decision we’ve made (so far). I miss parts of living in NYC, but not all of it. We’d get so caught up in the day-to-day stuff, and working our tails off to afford to live there that we didn’t have time for the “fun” stuff. We’ll go back to visit (and do the “fun” stuff). Good luck with your move!!
Posted by: Mish
I think what you are doing is wonderful and courageous. And yes, I am jealous you are moving to Portland!
Posted by: knittripps
I applaud you. I left my family and friends, and my established business because I wanted my son to grow up in a city that wasn’t the welfare capital of California. Now, we’re struggling to make ends meet as I work and my husband goes to school. He could go to work in the day and I could put Alex in daycare, but that’s not what we went. So we’re holding it together for now and it’ll all pay off in the end. Good luck in your move!
Posted by: Cambria W
Good luck in the big world, I will write you from wherever I land.
Posted by: Michael Deibert
I can *so* relate. We left San Francisco, where I thought I would *always* be, after we had a child. It took awhile to adjust, city girl that I was, but I’m happy out here in the stix. 🙂
Posted by: Romi
Best wishes to you and your family. Thumper will love Portland.
Posted by: eyeleen
It’s funny how I was just telling my husband about your upcoming move and all the reasons I thought that you were doing it. I was pretty much right on. I’m so so glad. and I’m so so happy for you guys. The adventure of life never ends. 🙂
Posted by: Laura
We went through similar things about buying a house in Toronto. We moved to the city (back for Craig) to live IN the city, not the burbs. We rented with the kids for years. We thought of getting out and sometimes I still do, even now that we have a house and live in a great downtown neighbourhood with good schools and a short subway ride to work. Our money (which is great everywhere but here) would go farther. We would feel less pressure to make money. But I’m not completely sure I’d be happier since we’re still city people. I can see how hard your decision must have been.
A good friend and his wife decided to pick where they wanted to live (a West coast island in BC) and find a way to make it work. You’re doing the same and it’ll be great. I confess I’m a bit jealous–sounds like an adventure!
Posted by: Steph
You’re a great mom, and you and Billy clearly doing what’s best for your family. I don’t think it’s that dissimilar from the journey so many of our ancestors(including my parents) made years ago across continents and oceans in search of a better life for their children.I have often wished that i had chosen a career that allowed me greater mobility, but honestly, i don’t think i could leave the NY-metro area. I wish stuff wasn’t so bloody expensive, and i wish the school situation wasn’t so absurd. I long to spend more time with my kids, but we make do with what we have and i treasure the time i do get to spend with them. I will miss you terribly, but i’m glad that you’re doing this.
Posted by: regina
Honestly, I think what makes New York so vibrant is the influx of people with dreams. People don’t move to New York from elsewhere for the good schools or the clean air, or the great neighborhoods. They move to NY DESPITE it’s drawbacks because they have dreams they want to realize and feel they can do that best in New York. New York is a magical place in that respect, but at some point, when you’ve attained what you’re happy with and your dreams shift, then your priorities shift as well.
We’ve got a dream of living in the Northwest as well, and if I become a full time knitter or knit designer, we might do it. But for now I love Salt Lake and we’ll probably buy a house. But Portland means you’re closer to Salt Lake. And if you move out here by driving, you should DEFINITELY stop in Salt Lake for lunch or something.
Posted by: Miriam
We lived in Asheville NC for several years and loved the lifestyle. A great downtown with lovely yarnshops and galleries, plenty of outdoor things to do. Moving out of NYS was the best thing we could have done income-wise, the taxes killed us.
I highly recommend Asheville as an alternative to NYC!
Posted by: martha
Personally, I think it’s good to live in a couple of different cities in one’s life. Maybe that’s easier for me to consider, because I didn’t even grow up in a city, so there was never any doubt that I’d move (if I wanted more education, there was no choice). I think you’ll find a lot of differences between the west and east coasts — the first time I moved from west to east, in 1991, I was shocked — but I think your family will settle in so well on the west coast. I’m very excited for you. This is all about opportunity. (And Thumper can always say he was born in Brooklyn, which will amount to all kinds of street cred in Oregon!)
Posted by: alison
If the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Thumper might move back to NYC someday.
😉
I really wish you the best with your move, and I hope Portland is everything you want and more.
Posted by: claudia
I think I missed something… It looks like you examined your lives and decided to leave the city. (I love visiting NYC, but don’t think I’d like to live there personally). And it looks like you were jealous of knitbloggers moving to Portland.
Does that mean you ARE moving to Portland? I didn’t take it that way, but I guess I missed it because so many others think you said that… (I thought you said out of the city, but didn’t mention a specific destination other than another city-like place.)
I’d hate to move cross country from my mom, though could see moving a state or two away.
Good luck whatever you decide(d). 🙂
Posted by: Kathleen
I went through the exact same thing and we moved out of the city when our son was 3. I love NY but I don’t miss the compromises (financial and otherwise) we used to make to say “we live in NY.” I still miss many things about Brooklyn, but I can enjoy all that as an occasional visitor. Good luck in Portland!
Posted by: Kim
Makes sense. And so beautifully written. This could add up to its own book. Hope to talk with you at some point soon.
Posted by: Philip
A few thoughts along with much support for your change. You said it: NY is a money town, in every way, and unless you can play the game and live a good life, there’s no point to it. You can always visit with the money you save living elsewhere. And I think we’re all more flexible than we realize. There are lots of possibilities out there — look at the many different lives of knitbloggers — and with a good partner you can deal with anything that comes along. You’re finding that out now. On to the next adventure!
Posted by: Luise
My husband went through the same sort of thinking process before we moved. (Me? I’m an army brat. I’ll move anytime.) He’d lived in & near NYC his whole life, & leaving was a big deal. But moving to NC was the best decision we’ve made (so far). I miss parts of living in NYC, but not all of it. We’d get so caught up in the day-to-day stuff, and working our tails off to afford to live there that we didn’t have time for the “fun” stuff. We’ll go back to visit (and do the “fun” stuff). Good luck with your move!!
Posted by: Mish
I think what you are doing is wonderful and courageous. And yes, I am jealous you are moving to Portland!
Posted by: knittripps
I applaud you. I left my family and friends, and my established business because I wanted my son to grow up in a city that wasn’t the welfare capital of California. Now, we’re struggling to make ends meet as I work and my husband goes to school. He could go to work in the day and I could put Alex in daycare, but that’s not what we went. So we’re holding it together for now and it’ll all pay off in the end. Good luck in your move!
Posted by: Cambria W
Good luck in the big world, I will write you from wherever I land.
Posted by: Michael Deibert
I can *so* relate. We left San Francisco, where I thought I would *always* be, after we had a child. It took awhile to adjust, city girl that I was, but I’m happy out here in the stix. 🙂
Posted by: Romi
Best wishes to you and your family. Thumper will love Portland.
Posted by: eyeleen
Hell, my hub and I never plan on having kids–and we’re planning on eventually leaving nyc for a lot of the same reasons (way too money-centric, crazy work pace, not enough natural exposure). Definitely can relate on a certain level. Can’t imagine how much more important all that gets once you have a child.
Posted by: rachel
Hell, my hub and I never plan on having kids–and we’re planning on eventually leaving nyc for a lot of the same reasons (way too money-centric, crazy work pace, not enough natural exposure). Definitely can relate on a certain level. Can’t imagine how much more important all that gets once you have a child.
Posted by: rachel
I can empathize with the school issue. My daughter starts Kindergarten next year and she had to enter into a lottery for the public school that we live 3 blocks from… and pay for the privelege (remember, this is a *public* school) for being able to get into full-day Kindergarten. (Oh – and I live in Delaware!)
Posted by: Jo
A knitter friend of mine here (who’s due in June) just decided to move to Portland in January. Boulder is saturated with psychotherapists, she wants to live in a true city, and when they were visiting last weekend they just decided to do it.
I don’t feel done with New York, but I’m habitually later or earlier to the party than everyone else. (The next city I’d like to live in is SF, which the rest of my generation finished with 5 years ago.)
Posted by: Anne
At the risk of sounding redundant, I applaud you as well! I think, ultimately what matters the most is the decision you are making is for the right reason: your family.
(And I also could never imagine moving to NY for many of the same reasons as you stated in your post. I was born in a small town in MA, and now live in Philly. Although many of our friends live in Brooklyn, I could never give up my backyard, art studio, guest bedroom and on-street parking for a one bedroom walk up in NY!)
Posted by: kate
An interesting post, indeed, with interesting comments. I never thought I’d live in any country but Canada, and now, here I am, not only living in the US, but in West Texas. It’s not the choice I would make (the academic job demanded the move), but I guess in trying to make our lives, we need to be flexible and graceful and compromising–and it seems that this is what you articulate in your post. The great thing is that one can always go back.
I wish you and your family well. Happy Trails 🙂
Posted by: kodachrome
“Money, and the pursuit of it, makes up a huge part of New York culture.”
Wow – you just clarified for me why I’ve been so intent on moving from Southern California to Portland myself. Your statement not only describes NY, but also perfectly describes Los Angeles.
I wish you lots of luck with the move, and I hope you love PDX!
Posted by: marielle
My husband and I (childless by choice) left NYC 8/05 for the other Portland (Maine). I am a NYer, raised in Bklyn Hgts back when it was affordable, then Park Slope for most all of my adult life. Had thought about leaving for 2 years before we actually did it. Have not regretted it for an instant. I had to retrain to leave, previously in the editorial magazine world, studied to be a pastrychef. But now we are opening (today) our very own book store devoted to new, out of print and rare books on food and wine. It is something we never could have afforded to do in NYC. Leaving NYC does mean giving up some things [bagels, multiple choices for a LYS, access on an intimate level, daily, to MANY different cultures] but what you gain in return far outweighs these sacrifices. To me the most important thing was the space that was suddenly freed up in my head for thinking. Not worrying all the time about paying the bills leaves room for creativity, daydreaming, conversations and sometimes just plain old spacing out. I have come to understand how important these options are, and how much I was paying for not having them all those years I was happy in my stubborn NY or die stance.
I wish you all the luck and happiness you deserve. Look forward to seeing how your writing, and knitting, blossom in your new city. And the garden, such a wonderful thing to be able to get your hands in the ground! Enjoy!
Posted by: samantha Hoyt Lindgren
Brava! A tough decision, while I didn’t grow up in the city I was in NJ with the city close enough to see plenty of shows, enjoy many a fine exhibit or just spend the day wandering when we decided to move to Northern Vermont it was a chance I jumped at and don’t regret it!
Good Luck!
Posted by: Liz
is this the mea culpa from the girl who gave me extreme amounts of shit when i left and harassed me constantly for three years to come back?
🙂 Too funny.
Posted by: carolyn
portland. i, too, am moving there with my partner – probably in mid- to late summer. i hereby extend the soon-to-be-newly-transplanted hand of friendship, and invite you to a (currently nebulous) social event. good luck with the move.
Posted by: eris
As long as you follow your hearts, you will be home!
Lisa L.
Posted by: Lisa
Hey, at least you’ll get to visit NYC whenever you want! And we actually have kind of sucky recycling here (curbside. If you’re dedicated you can recycle anything at a recycling center), but I think your quality of life will be more to your liking! And hey, if I need a physical therapist, now I’ll know where to go!
Posted by: Mariko
Thanks so much for sharing that with us. It sounds like you’re confident and excited about the move, but if you ever have a moment of doubt, we did something similar and it’s worked out wonderfully.
Congratulations and good luck with your adventures!
Posted by: Amy
i’m so excited for you. i know i’m biased, but i am really really excited. (and jealous, but that’s cool too).
Posted by: heather
Congratulations and good luck on the move. I made the journey from western MA to Northern NJ last year and still can’t get over how much happier I am. (Of course, to be fair, I rilly loathed the Berkshires.)
Never underestimate the power of a move made for good reasons!
Posted by: Sarah
My husband and I left NYC May 16, 2002 for very similar reasons. We were getting engaged and thinking about buying property and starting a family. We knew that it was not worth 60-70 hour work weeks to achieve those things. We are now upstate and realize it was one of the best decisions we ever made. Best of luck during this bittersweet time.
Posted by: Suzanne
Hell, my hub and I never plan on having kids–and we’re planning on eventually leaving nyc for a lot of the same reasons (way too money-centric, crazy work pace, not enough natural exposure). Definitely can relate on a certain level. Can’t imagine how much more important all that gets once you have a child.
Posted by: rachel
Hell, my hub and I never plan on having kids–and we’re planning on eventually leaving nyc for a lot of the same reasons (way too money-centric, crazy work pace, not enough natural exposure). Definitely can relate on a certain level. Can’t imagine how much more important all that gets once you have a child.
Posted by: rachel
I can empathize with the school issue. My daughter starts Kindergarten next year and she had to enter into a lottery for the public school that we live 3 blocks from… and pay for the privelege (remember, this is a *public* school) for being able to get into full-day Kindergarten. (Oh – and I live in Delaware!)
Posted by: Jo
A knitter friend of mine here (who’s due in June) just decided to move to Portland in January. Boulder is saturated with psychotherapists, she wants to live in a true city, and when they were visiting last weekend they just decided to do it.
I don’t feel done with New York, but I’m habitually later or earlier to the party than everyone else. (The next city I’d like to live in is SF, which the rest of my generation finished with 5 years ago.)
Posted by: Anne
At the risk of sounding redundant, I applaud you as well! I think, ultimately what matters the most is the decision you are making is for the right reason: your family.
(And I also could never imagine moving to NY for many of the same reasons as you stated in your post. I was born in a small town in MA, and now live in Philly. Although many of our friends live in Brooklyn, I could never give up my backyard, art studio, guest bedroom and on-street parking for a one bedroom walk up in NY!)
Posted by: kate
An interesting post, indeed, with interesting comments. I never thought I’d live in any country but Canada, and now, here I am, not only living in the US, but in West Texas. It’s not the choice I would make (the academic job demanded the move), but I guess in trying to make our lives, we need to be flexible and graceful and compromising–and it seems that this is what you articulate in your post. The great thing is that one can always go back.
I wish you and your family well. Happy Trails 🙂
Posted by: kodachrome
“Money, and the pursuit of it, makes up a huge part of New York culture.”
Wow – you just clarified for me why I’ve been so intent on moving from Southern California to Portland myself. Your statement not only describes NY, but also perfectly describes Los Angeles.
I wish you lots of luck with the move, and I hope you love PDX!
Posted by: marielle
My husband and I (childless by choice) left NYC 8/05 for the other Portland (Maine). I am a NYer, raised in Bklyn Hgts back when it was affordable, then Park Slope for most all of my adult life. Had thought about leaving for 2 years before we actually did it. Have not regretted it for an instant. I had to retrain to leave, previously in the editorial magazine world, studied to be a pastrychef. But now we are opening (today) our very own book store devoted to new, out of print and rare books on food and wine. It is something we never could have afforded to do in NYC. Leaving NYC does mean giving up some things [bagels, multiple choices for a LYS, access on an intimate level, daily, to MANY different cultures] but what you gain in return far outweighs these sacrifices. To me the most important thing was the space that was suddenly freed up in my head for thinking. Not worrying all the time about paying the bills leaves room for creativity, daydreaming, conversations and sometimes just plain old spacing out. I have come to understand how important these options are, and how much I was paying for not having them all those years I was happy in my stubborn NY or die stance.
I wish you all the luck and happiness you deserve. Look forward to seeing how your writing, and knitting, blossom in your new city. And the garden, such a wonderful thing to be able to get your hands in the ground! Enjoy!
Posted by: samantha Hoyt Lindgren
Brava! A tough decision, while I didn’t grow up in the city I was in NJ with the city close enough to see plenty of shows, enjoy many a fine exhibit or just spend the day wandering when we decided to move to Northern Vermont it was a chance I jumped at and don’t regret it!
Good Luck!
Posted by: Liz
is this the mea culpa from the girl who gave me extreme amounts of shit when i left and harassed me constantly for three years to come back?
🙂 Too funny.
Posted by: carolyn
portland. i, too, am moving there with my partner – probably in mid- to late summer. i hereby extend the soon-to-be-newly-transplanted hand of friendship, and invite you to a (currently nebulous) social event. good luck with the move.
Posted by: eris
As long as you follow your hearts, you will be home!
Lisa L.
Posted by: Lisa
Hey, at least you’ll get to visit NYC whenever you want! And we actually have kind of sucky recycling here (curbside. If you’re dedicated you can recycle anything at a recycling center), but I think your quality of life will be more to your liking! And hey, if I need a physical therapist, now I’ll know where to go!
Posted by: Mariko
Thanks so much for sharing that with us. It sounds like you’re confident and excited about the move, but if you ever have a moment of doubt, we did something similar and it’s worked out wonderfully.
Congratulations and good luck with your adventures!
Posted by: Amy
i’m so excited for you. i know i’m biased, but i am really really excited. (and jealous, but that’s cool too).
Posted by: heather
Congratulations and good luck on the move. I made the journey from western MA to Northern NJ last year and still can’t get over how much happier I am. (Of course, to be fair, I rilly loathed the Berkshires.)
Never underestimate the power of a move made for good reasons!
Posted by: Sarah
My husband and I left NYC May 16, 2002 for very similar reasons. We were getting engaged and thinking about buying property and starting a family. We knew that it was not worth 60-70 hour work weeks to achieve those things. We are now upstate and realize it was one of the best decisions we ever made. Best of luck during this bittersweet time.
Posted by: Suzanne
Goodness.. where to begin….
I grew up just outside of Stuyvesant town, and went to P.S. 40, J.H.S. 104, and then to Stuyvesant High School (Right before it moved to Battery Park City). I know that area well, or at least I did.
My parents still live in the same aparment that I grew up in, and I’m amazed at how much the neighborhood has changed. I love New York, or at least my life here for many reasons. I have a good job that pays well. I play music in two lovely bands, and throught them (and my job), have met lots of wonderful, interesting people. I’m very thankful for that and wonder if I could have the same experience in another city.
But at the same time, I have to completely agree that New York has changed. I go back to the Stuy Town area, and I wonder where the middle class went.
We chose to stay in this area for many reasons, one of the primary ones being the music scene here. But we don’t live in The City. We bought a reasonably priced fixer upper in Jersey City Heights, and have found a nice work/music/life balance. so far, at least. We’ve been living here for just under 5 months.
We’re not sure if we want to start a family, although we really have to make a decision pretty soon. I really enjoyed this post, since starting a family has been on my mind a lot recently.
Anyway, though we haven’t met. You will be missed. 🙂
Oh, and I’m guessing you’re in/near the Slope area? If so, you must hit Barbes on 9th st & 6th ave before you go… if you haven’t already. It’s the reason we wanted to try to move to Brooklyn.
Warm regards.
M
Posted by: Megan
another congrats offered to you guys. it’s funny, though, because i just heard on npr the other day that nyc is actually one of the greenest (as far as carbon emitting) cities in the country due to dense living. it’s interesting too for me because having my partner living in portland and me being in a rural part of the country now, i don’t know many couples in either place who can get by without both working (again, unless one of the two is in finance or any number of jobs that pays well above middle class salaries). and we have a few friends who grew up in portland who are really discouraged because they can’t afford to buy a house because prices have gone way up, and they bemoan the changes there. i’m not trying to be a downer, but it’s just interesting given your perspective. for you guys though, it will all seem better in the areas you mentioned-air, schools, etc. 🙂
Posted by: k
Oh, Cari. *sigh* I’ve been having the same conversation with myself, lately, too. New York is just NOT what it used to be….the party’s over, the luster is gone, it’s all about money. And I am SICK of what it does to people. You can smell it. You can feel it. Ultimately, as you said, it’s each family’s decision based on their needs/wants. You guys are smart. You’re making the right decisions.
But I’m going to go cry now and be sad that you’re leaving.
Posted by: john
I was a Long Island girl born and bred and, although it wasn’t the same as The City, I can totally understand how you feel about leaving. There is something about the NY metro area that makes you feel like you can never leave although you may think about it often.
Nearly 10 years ago my husband got a promotion that required us to move to the Washington DC area. I love it here but more importantly, I love how it has opened my mind to the idea of living in different places. I’m not going anywhere quite yet but I can definitely see myself opicking up and moving to another state eventually.
Posted by: Hillary
Hi Cari,
kudos to you for making this gigantic decision – it’s tough to pull up roots, but you’ve throught it through, and I know it will be the best thing for you, Billy and Thumper.
Just in case you don’t see the Pooch Café comic strip, it has had a series running featuring Italian Greyhounds – here’s the first one, it continues through today…
http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2007/04/06/
thought it may give you a chuckle…
Posted by: Sandra
It sounds so exciting to move far away, although I know it is a lot of work too. My bro and sil moved to Seattle for a couple of years, and were definitely surprised by all the moving stuff. But once that was over they were ok.
They did come back to have their baby, but Chicago is more liveable than New York. A couple of days ago I was asking a friend, a filmmaker and New York transplant to Chicago, what the deal was. He says New York has gotten so out of hand, its a visiting place. All the cultural things you thing you will have the benefit of fall by the wayside because you are too busy trying to make enough money to stay and its exhausting.
So, I’m sure I’ll say this again, but I am wishing you, Billy, Thumper, et al, the very best, and hoping things go as smoothly as possible. I know they will!
Posted by: pippy
Kudos to you for your strength to change. I am always impressed by people who decide to move (without being transferred by a job or spouse) and do it. Enjoy the west coast.
Posted by: Jenni
Thank you for a very thoughtful reasoning about why your leaving NYC. My husband and I have similar city vs. ‘burbs issues but we want to stay near NJ where our families live and we’re just not sure about whether Philly or D.C. would enhance our quality of life any more than NYC. Your blog entry gives us food for thought, though.
Posted by: LizD
I’m lucky enough to live in Portland and I do love it. The pace here is slower, they recycle EVERYTHING and there are farmer’s markets all over the place. It is not perfect but after spending my college years in the Midwest, I came screaming back here and have vowed never to leave. There is also a thriving writer’s community here. Visit Powell’s Books to find out more when you get into town. The best thing about Portland is our “Four Mountain Days”. From the freeway bridge that cuts through the middle of the city over the Willamette River, you can see Mount St. Helens, Mount Hood, Mount Jefferson and Mount Adams all at the same time on a clear, bright day. It is truly breath-taking.
Posted by: Meaghan
i’m turning 40 in a few months and have taken the year for contemplation and reorganization. i live in mississippi, married, one child, one cat, one dog. my whole life i have aspired to be this, aspired to do that…and i’m finally at a point where i am so happy with my life, family, situation. i can’t believe i ever wanted something different. i work (for myself)at home, my husband is self-employed (successfully). we are WAY far from wealthy, but everything for us is so flexible and affordable. we have time for our child, time for our friends, time for our home (which by the way, my husband built totally—including most of the furniture), time for many hobbies. my mom and dad worked all the time. i did not have the relationship with them that my daughter has with my husband and i. my parents didn’t have the relationship that my husband and i have. i know all of my daughter’s friends, i am at her school frequently…know her life. i am very blessed to live simply. so, good for you…life is too short to work so darn hard.
Posted by: pinkpresent
Portland, I hear, has some really great fabric stores, and I’m sure they have awesome yarn shops as well… 🙂 And I’m sure Thumper will love his clean air.
I live in the South, but I “know” a lot of knit-bloggers (and sewing-bloggers) from Portland. They’re fabulous.
Moves are difficult as hell. Especially if you love your current city. I hope you have a good one.
Posted by: TheSteph
Good for you. Well written and most importantly, your decision together was well thought out. Don’t listen to the critics. It’s so true that NY is getting to expensive event to visit for many people.
I just know you’re going to like Portland. And I hope your Iggys do too. I’m sure they’re going to be upset by the move. Are you going to fly them out? Or drive them cross country. (Can you tell I’m a worried Iggy-owner myself?)
Posted by: Shelley (Pink House)
Yes, NY is very expensive, especially when you have kids, but I have found it is do-able. I grew up here, right in Manhattan, later moved to Saugerties where my kids were born, then to Philadelphia, then Laramie, WY, then Port Angeles, WA, and now I’ve been back in NYC for 7 years and do not want to leave. It is in my blood. I never felt like I belonged in those other places. I can only afford Queens but it is a compromise I am fairly happy with. I work right in Times Square which is a trip, lemme tell you. My son goes to Bronx Science– fantastic high school– for free! My daughters, one went to BS also and the other one went to Stuyvesant. We have a modest house that anywhere else would cost 100K, but I hate to tell you what we paid. However it went up sharply in value because real estate is still fairly strong in NYC. Anyway, I hope you find happiness where ever you go but I predict you will come back some day. There is just nowhere else like NYC, infuriating, aggravating, fascinating, with opportunities and people you don’t find elsewhere. Plus, I cannot stand living in a car and doing everything by car.
Posted by: Trilby
Goodness.. where to begin….
I grew up just outside of Stuyvesant town, and went to P.S. 40, J.H.S. 104, and then to Stuyvesant High School (Right before it moved to Battery Park City). I know that area well, or at least I did.
My parents still live in the same aparment that I grew up in, and I’m amazed at how much the neighborhood has changed. I love New York, or at least my life here for many reasons. I have a good job that pays well. I play music in two lovely bands, and throught them (and my job), have met lots of wonderful, interesting people. I’m very thankful for that and wonder if I could have the same experience in another city.
But at the same time, I have to completely agree that New York has changed. I go back to the Stuy Town area, and I wonder where the middle class went.
We chose to stay in this area for many reasons, one of the primary ones being the music scene here. But we don’t live in The City. We bought a reasonably priced fixer upper in Jersey City Heights, and have found a nice work/music/life balance. so far, at least. We’ve been living here for just under 5 months.
We’re not sure if we want to start a family, although we really have to make a decision pretty soon. I really enjoyed this post, since starting a family has been on my mind a lot recently.
Anyway, though we haven’t met. You will be missed. 🙂
Oh, and I’m guessing you’re in/near the Slope area? If so, you must hit Barbes on 9th st & 6th ave before you go… if you haven’t already. It’s the reason we wanted to try to move to Brooklyn.
Warm regards.
M
Posted by: Megan
another congrats offered to you guys. it’s funny, though, because i just heard on npr the other day that nyc is actually one of the greenest (as far as carbon emitting) cities in the country due to dense living. it’s interesting too for me because having my partner living in portland and me being in a rural part of the country now, i don’t know many couples in either place who can get by without both working (again, unless one of the two is in finance or any number of jobs that pays well above middle class salaries). and we have a few friends who grew up in portland who are really discouraged because they can’t afford to buy a house because prices have gone way up, and they bemoan the changes there. i’m not trying to be a downer, but it’s just interesting given your perspective. for you guys though, it will all seem better in the areas you mentioned-air, schools, etc. 🙂
Posted by: k
Oh, Cari. *sigh* I’ve been having the same conversation with myself, lately, too. New York is just NOT what it used to be….the party’s over, the luster is gone, it’s all about money. And I am SICK of what it does to people. You can smell it. You can feel it. Ultimately, as you said, it’s each family’s decision based on their needs/wants. You guys are smart. You’re making the right decisions.
But I’m going to go cry now and be sad that you’re leaving.
Posted by: john
I was a Long Island girl born and bred and, although it wasn’t the same as The City, I can totally understand how you feel about leaving. There is something about the NY metro area that makes you feel like you can never leave although you may think about it often.
Nearly 10 years ago my husband got a promotion that required us to move to the Washington DC area. I love it here but more importantly, I love how it has opened my mind to the idea of living in different places. I’m not going anywhere quite yet but I can definitely see myself opicking up and moving to another state eventually.
Posted by: Hillary
Hi Cari,
kudos to you for making this gigantic decision – it’s tough to pull up roots, but you’ve throught it through, and I know it will be the best thing for you, Billy and Thumper.
Just in case you don’t see the Pooch Café comic strip, it has had a series running featuring Italian Greyhounds – here’s the first one, it continues through today…
http://www.gocomics.com/poochcafe/2007/04/06/
thought it may give you a chuckle…
Posted by: Sandra
It sounds so exciting to move far away, although I know it is a lot of work too. My bro and sil moved to Seattle for a couple of years, and were definitely surprised by all the moving stuff. But once that was over they were ok.
They did come back to have their baby, but Chicago is more liveable than New York. A couple of days ago I was asking a friend, a filmmaker and New York transplant to Chicago, what the deal was. He says New York has gotten so out of hand, its a visiting place. All the cultural things you thing you will have the benefit of fall by the wayside because you are too busy trying to make enough money to stay and its exhausting.
So, I’m sure I’ll say this again, but I am wishing you, Billy, Thumper, et al, the very best, and hoping things go as smoothly as possible. I know they will!
Posted by: pippy
Kudos to you for your strength to change. I am always impressed by people who decide to move (without being transferred by a job or spouse) and do it. Enjoy the west coast.
Posted by: Jenni
Thank you for a very thoughtful reasoning about why your leaving NYC. My husband and I have similar city vs. ‘burbs issues but we want to stay near NJ where our families live and we’re just not sure about whether Philly or D.C. would enhance our quality of life any more than NYC. Your blog entry gives us food for thought, though.
Posted by: LizD
I’m lucky enough to live in Portland and I do love it. The pace here is slower, they recycle EVERYTHING and there are farmer’s markets all over the place. It is not perfect but after spending my college years in the Midwest, I came screaming back here and have vowed never to leave. There is also a thriving writer’s community here. Visit Powell’s Books to find out more when you get into town. The best thing about Portland is our “Four Mountain Days”. From the freeway bridge that cuts through the middle of the city over the Willamette River, you can see Mount St. Helens, Mount Hood, Mount Jefferson and Mount Adams all at the same time on a clear, bright day. It is truly breath-taking.
Posted by: Meaghan
i’m turning 40 in a few months and have taken the year for contemplation and reorganization. i live in mississippi, married, one child, one cat, one dog. my whole life i have aspired to be this, aspired to do that…and i’m finally at a point where i am so happy with my life, family, situation. i can’t believe i ever wanted something different. i work (for myself)at home, my husband is self-employed (successfully). we are WAY far from wealthy, but everything for us is so flexible and affordable. we have time for our child, time for our friends, time for our home (which by the way, my husband built totally—including most of the furniture), time for many hobbies. my mom and dad worked all the time. i did not have the relationship with them that my daughter has with my husband and i. my parents didn’t have the relationship that my husband and i have. i know all of my daughter’s friends, i am at her school frequently…know her life. i am very blessed to live simply. so, good for you…life is too short to work so darn hard.
Posted by: pinkpresent
Portland, I hear, has some really great fabric stores, and I’m sure they have awesome yarn shops as well… 🙂 And I’m sure Thumper will love his clean air.
I live in the South, but I “know” a lot of knit-bloggers (and sewing-bloggers) from Portland. They’re fabulous.
Moves are difficult as hell. Especially if you love your current city. I hope you have a good one.
Posted by: TheSteph
Good for you. Well written and most importantly, your decision together was well thought out. Don’t listen to the critics. It’s so true that NY is getting to expensive event to visit for many people.
I just know you’re going to like Portland. And I hope your Iggys do too. I’m sure they’re going to be upset by the move. Are you going to fly them out? Or drive them cross country. (Can you tell I’m a worried Iggy-owner myself?)
Posted by: Shelley (Pink House)
Yes, NY is very expensive, especially when you have kids, but I have found it is do-able. I grew up here, right in Manhattan, later moved to Saugerties where my kids were born, then to Philadelphia, then Laramie, WY, then Port Angeles, WA, and now I’ve been back in NYC for 7 years and do not want to leave. It is in my blood. I never felt like I belonged in those other places. I can only afford Queens but it is a compromise I am fairly happy with. I work right in Times Square which is a trip, lemme tell you. My son goes to Bronx Science– fantastic high school– for free! My daughters, one went to BS also and the other one went to Stuyvesant. We have a modest house that anywhere else would cost 100K, but I hate to tell you what we paid. However it went up sharply in value because real estate is still fairly strong in NYC. Anyway, I hope you find happiness where ever you go but I predict you will come back some day. There is just nowhere else like NYC, infuriating, aggravating, fascinating, with opportunities and people you don’t find elsewhere. Plus, I cannot stand living in a car and doing everything by car.
Posted by: Trilby