Lizbon had a great post the other day that really hit home for me. All this planning and plotting, real estate hunting and list making…racing ahead to the time when we’ll be not here, when we’ll be in Portland, starting some shiny new future life… I’ve been so caught up in the planning and dreaming and hoping that I keep forgetting to notice that I’m here, right now. Thumper is here, right now. Billy is here right now. In Brooklyn. Living our very nice current life. There are irises blooming in the garden. The peony bush is budding.
I’ve said it before–I’m a bad Buddhist. A craving, clinging, rollercoaster Buddhist. I haven’t meditated since the baby was born. But I try. I try sincerely. Lizbon’s post gave me the jolt I needed. All this worrying about “when will the house sell and how much will we get for it?” and “when will the book sell and how much will I get for it?” and “what if our favorite houses in Portland are all sold before we can sell our house” and etc etc etc…
It’s a good thing I can’t actually control all the things in the universe I wish I could control. So many times when I thought I knew how things should go, knew what I wanted, I got something else and it turned out to be exactly right. Everything is as it should be. Who the hell am I to worry over pulling the strings? All I can do is my honest best, each day. I take what actions are in my power to take, and I let the rest go. So simple, but so fucking hard to do. Let go.
The house will sell or it won’t. Most likely it will. The book will sell or it won’t. Most likely it will. I keep the house clean and in good repair. I wrote and revised the book to the best of my abililty. That’s all I can do, and it’s enough.
As for what I can do in the larger picture, I also do what I can with the resources I have. I try to be kind to the people I meet. I try to have compassion. I vote whenever given the opportunity. I reuse. I recycle. I donate to worthy causes within my means.
As the wise man in Lizbon’s post said, “God knows what to give.” It doesn’t matter what your concept of god is. I find this to be true. I don’t personally believe in a sentient godhead. No man with a long beard for me. I do believe we’re all connected. I do believe we’re all here, in it together. All a part of the energy that makes up this universe. And I do believe that energy is in balance.
I need to remember that. I need to stop trying to run the show.
Something I also need to remember at this very moment. Thanks.
Posted by: Faith
Thanks for the reminder.
Posted by: otter
Something I also need to remember at this very moment. Thanks.
Posted by: Faith
Thanks for the reminder.
Posted by: otter
It’s so unbelievably reassuring to me to get “smacked” across the head with this post. I get “smacked” quite often by God, the universe, Allah (sp?), karma, Buddha or whatever else your belief might be JUST AT THE EXACT MOMENT when I think that my life is out of control and I am falling into a great abyss. Thank you so much for posting this post at this moment just when I need to read it the most.
May you find peace and calm and balance right now. I wish it for you as you are helping to achieve that for me right now with this post.
Thank you my friend.
Peace and calm and balance to all of us.
Posted by: knittingnurse
Thank you for the reminder. I need one almost every day! 🙂
Posted by: Romi
My husband’s theory is “things always work out the way they should,” which is a version of letting go of the things you can’t control. However, it’s not as easy to do in practice as it is in theory. After almost a year of owning two houses, I can tell you that our lighthearted “it’ll happen when it happens” approach has gone down the drain with all of our money. Eventually the stress does get you down.
(On the bright side, we have had an offer on our old house. A sign that things do work out, I hope.)
Whether your move goes smoothly or not, it is a temporary disruption that you will weather one way or another. Congratulations for being able to step back and see what is now and what is important in the moment.
Posted by: jessie
It’s so hard to remember, isn’t it? I have had to struggle in the last year with PTSD from a very traumatic health crisis last spring, almost exactly a year ago. Part of my self-calming is remembering where I am *right now* and what’s happening *right now*, not what happened a year ago or what may happen 15 minutes from now.
As for houses in Portland, we are blessed with a wonderful housing stock, and things are slowing down a little in the market. Don’t worry. The right house will present itself.
Posted by: Lynn S.
As a persistent “show runner,” I understand. Too often I miss the bigger picture because I’m so busy trying to stay in control of every tiny detail.
I really hate to do this to you, but tag. You’re it. It has to be done to someone. Details on my blog.
Posted by: Charissa
My husband is so much better at letting go than I am, but I am trying to do that, and you’re right, it’s so simple but it’s also so hard sometimes. Right now we’re getting ready to move into a new house, I’m training for a 39-mile walk for breast cancer and trying to do all sorts of other things at the same time. So thanks for the reminder to do my best, let it go, and not get all worked up about it. You made my day.:)
Posted by: no-blog-rachel
Nice. And very true.
Just breathe.
Posted by: LaurieM
Thank you from a long time lurker.
Posted by: Ann
Great post. Naughty naught Budhhist! I work hard every day to try and let go and not try to control everything. It’s not easy. If I look back on my life, the best things have happened when I was not trying to run the show.
Posted by: Kim
deep breaths! If this were a perfect world, you would be rewarded for being such a kind, thoughtful person! Somehow, though, we find our own rewards..(but it would certainly help if the house sold quickly, and the book did well!) Good luck!
Posted by: Heather
Thanks for the reminder. I needed that, being in a situation that’s way beyond my control right now. I know how I want it to work out and it’s definitely going the opposite direction. Like you, I need to remind myself that I did the best I could do with the information at hand. As Heather said, deep breaths!
Posted by: Teri S.
Thanks for the link to Lizbon…what a great blog. And for the reminder.
Posted by: claudia
Golly, thanks for the props, Cari. And man, I know how you feel, especially about house-related things. I guess it’s because of all those physical and emotional roots we sink into them, but houses seem to be very very difficult to go with the flow about. Very difficult.
But then, I have trouble with all of that. I tend to fear change, even when it is good for me. This year, especially, I’ve had to pretty much sing a mantra to myself, “this will be good this will be good this will be good. relax relax relax.”
Your book, I have no doubt, is excellent, and will sell. Your house will sell. The right house will be there when you’re ready. And the irises are exquisite this year, and I was just noticing peonies budding today. I love peonies.
Posted by: Lizbon
It’s so unbelievably reassuring to me to get “smacked” across the head with this post. I get “smacked” quite often by God, the universe, Allah (sp?), karma, Buddha or whatever else your belief might be JUST AT THE EXACT MOMENT when I think that my life is out of control and I am falling into a great abyss. Thank you so much for posting this post at this moment just when I need to read it the most.
May you find peace and calm and balance right now. I wish it for you as you are helping to achieve that for me right now with this post.
Thank you my friend.
Peace and calm and balance to all of us.
Posted by: knittingnurse
Thank you for the reminder. I need one almost every day! 🙂
Posted by: Romi
My husband’s theory is “things always work out the way they should,” which is a version of letting go of the things you can’t control. However, it’s not as easy to do in practice as it is in theory. After almost a year of owning two houses, I can tell you that our lighthearted “it’ll happen when it happens” approach has gone down the drain with all of our money. Eventually the stress does get you down.
(On the bright side, we have had an offer on our old house. A sign that things do work out, I hope.)
Whether your move goes smoothly or not, it is a temporary disruption that you will weather one way or another. Congratulations for being able to step back and see what is now and what is important in the moment.
Posted by: jessie
It’s so hard to remember, isn’t it? I have had to struggle in the last year with PTSD from a very traumatic health crisis last spring, almost exactly a year ago. Part of my self-calming is remembering where I am *right now* and what’s happening *right now*, not what happened a year ago or what may happen 15 minutes from now.
As for houses in Portland, we are blessed with a wonderful housing stock, and things are slowing down a little in the market. Don’t worry. The right house will present itself.
Posted by: Lynn S.
As a persistent “show runner,” I understand. Too often I miss the bigger picture because I’m so busy trying to stay in control of every tiny detail.
I really hate to do this to you, but tag. You’re it. It has to be done to someone. Details on my blog.
Posted by: Charissa
My husband is so much better at letting go than I am, but I am trying to do that, and you’re right, it’s so simple but it’s also so hard sometimes. Right now we’re getting ready to move into a new house, I’m training for a 39-mile walk for breast cancer and trying to do all sorts of other things at the same time. So thanks for the reminder to do my best, let it go, and not get all worked up about it. You made my day.:)
Posted by: no-blog-rachel
Nice. And very true.
Just breathe.
Posted by: LaurieM
Thank you from a long time lurker.
Posted by: Ann
Great post. Naughty naught Budhhist! I work hard every day to try and let go and not try to control everything. It’s not easy. If I look back on my life, the best things have happened when I was not trying to run the show.
Posted by: Kim
deep breaths! If this were a perfect world, you would be rewarded for being such a kind, thoughtful person! Somehow, though, we find our own rewards..(but it would certainly help if the house sold quickly, and the book did well!) Good luck!
Posted by: Heather
Thanks for the reminder. I needed that, being in a situation that’s way beyond my control right now. I know how I want it to work out and it’s definitely going the opposite direction. Like you, I need to remind myself that I did the best I could do with the information at hand. As Heather said, deep breaths!
Posted by: Teri S.
Thanks for the link to Lizbon…what a great blog. And for the reminder.
Posted by: claudia
Golly, thanks for the props, Cari. And man, I know how you feel, especially about house-related things. I guess it’s because of all those physical and emotional roots we sink into them, but houses seem to be very very difficult to go with the flow about. Very difficult.
But then, I have trouble with all of that. I tend to fear change, even when it is good for me. This year, especially, I’ve had to pretty much sing a mantra to myself, “this will be good this will be good this will be good. relax relax relax.”
Your book, I have no doubt, is excellent, and will sell. Your house will sell. The right house will be there when you’re ready. And the irises are exquisite this year, and I was just noticing peonies budding today. I love peonies.
Posted by: Lizbon
I overheard a friend say a wonderful thing to her daughter (age 4) recently. Her child was clamoring for more, more, more of something and my friend turned to her and very gracefully said, “You don’t need more, dear, all you need is enough.”
Not quite the sentiment you’re expressing, but words to live by, nonetheless.
Posted by: Lynn in Tucson
I overheard a friend say a wonderful thing to her daughter (age 4) recently. Her child was clamoring for more, more, more of something and my friend turned to her and very gracefully said, “You don’t need more, dear, all you need is enough.”
Not quite the sentiment you’re expressing, but words to live by, nonetheless.
Posted by: Lynn in Tucson
Hey darlin, thanks from me for the reminder as well. This transition time is hard for me too, living with the in laws and not having my own space or my own things. Having to abide by someone else’s idea of what a home should be. But it is a necessary phase to the next step – which promises to be spectacular. New job in motion and new house on the way!! Sending you the good real estate vibes that have come our way…
Posted by: melanie
You’re such a skilled writer. Do your posts just flow out or do you rework them a bit before posting? They are so often “just right.”
Posted by: Mary K. in Rockport
That is so important to remember! Just bought the vest pattern, and cannot WAIT to start knitting it up!!
Posted by: Annie
Thanks! it’s what I needed to hear in this right moment…
Posted by: Lía
Thanks 🙂 I needed that reminder as well.
Posted by: Michele
I overheard a friend say a wonderful thing to her daughter (age 4) recently. Her child was clamoring for more, more, more of something and my friend turned to her and very gracefully said, “You don’t need more, dear, all you need is enough.”
Not quite the sentiment you’re expressing, but words to live by, nonetheless.
Posted by: Lynn in Tucson
I overheard a friend say a wonderful thing to her daughter (age 4) recently. Her child was clamoring for more, more, more of something and my friend turned to her and very gracefully said, “You don’t need more, dear, all you need is enough.”
Not quite the sentiment you’re expressing, but words to live by, nonetheless.
Posted by: Lynn in Tucson
Hey darlin, thanks from me for the reminder as well. This transition time is hard for me too, living with the in laws and not having my own space or my own things. Having to abide by someone else’s idea of what a home should be. But it is a necessary phase to the next step – which promises to be spectacular. New job in motion and new house on the way!! Sending you the good real estate vibes that have come our way…
Posted by: melanie
You’re such a skilled writer. Do your posts just flow out or do you rework them a bit before posting? They are so often “just right.”
Posted by: Mary K. in Rockport
That is so important to remember! Just bought the vest pattern, and cannot WAIT to start knitting it up!!
Posted by: Annie
Thanks! it’s what I needed to hear in this right moment…
Posted by: Lía
Thanks 🙂 I needed that reminder as well.
Posted by: Michele
What a great post! Transitions can be uncomfortable, but it seems you’ve got a good way of looking at the present. You’ll be a leftcoaster before you know it…
Posted by: Sil
Thanks. I needed that.
Posted by: YTT
mmm, just what i needed to read. thinking a lot about spirit-in-action (my god). it really does move us to where we need to be. i am glad you wrote, it is all so true.
Posted by: mamie
From one who finds it terribly hard to ‘let go, I know it makes perfect sense. What needs to happen will happen, it is all part of our life story, and if we knew the ending we wouldn’t have half as much fun getting to the end. Sometimes though, you need to go through the ‘panic’ to see the beauty of the change.
Posted by: Alison
Excellent post! The irises and peonies here in New England are getting ready — it will be a few more weeks, but the anticipation of the show is enough to restore my faith in so many things! Thanks for the karmic thump on the head!
Posted by: Spiffy Knits!
A friend I hadn’t seen in a very long while and I ran into each other this weekend and were catching up. The upshot of our conversation was this very topic and it’s so good to remember. I am a control freak and my car accident and resulting rehab was a huge lesson in “You Can’t Control Everything”. Enjoy the right now.
Posted by: LeAnne
Thank you–so true, and beautifully put. 🙂
Posted by: Kristen
Thank you for your post and for turning me on to Lizbon’s post. I needed to hear that. Wishing you well…
Posted by: knittripps
My spouse and I will be starting a big move & life transition soon as well, though from west coast to east coast. It is so easy to get caught up in all the worrying, planning, past, future, anywhere but right here, right now. This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you!
Posted by: Amy M.
long-time reader, first-time commenter, and old, old friend 🙂
cari, i needed this, too. this after writing you that long angst-filled e-mail complaining about the new mom/baby vortex and wishing i could stop a moment and breathe… i hope i didn’t add to the muck. today i went for a run for the 1st time since the baby was born (wasn’t running much while pregnant either), and the trees were wet and blooming, and i thought of this:
the apparition of faces in the crowd;
petals on a wet bough.
(apologies to ezra pound if i screwed it up.)
do you remember jim reading that?
what a gift. from jim, from pound, from you.
thank you.
Posted by: reyna
I’ve started reading your blog recently and this post really hit home for me. There is always something going on in life and I needed to hear what you wrote from someone who wasn’t intimately involved in my personal life. I tend to overly obsess about things I can only do so much about and as long as I am doing all that I can, I need to let go of the rest. Thank you.
Posted by: Maartje
i’m sure there’s a happy medium but the future is too bleak and neverending for me to want to think about it at all so i deal purely in the here and now and no further than the next 3 months.
Posted by: carolyn
Thanks for that reminder. I needed it.
Posted by: Susan
What a great post! Transitions can be uncomfortable, but it seems you’ve got a good way of looking at the present. You’ll be a leftcoaster before you know it…
Posted by: Sil
Thanks. I needed that.
Posted by: YTT
mmm, just what i needed to read. thinking a lot about spirit-in-action (my god). it really does move us to where we need to be. i am glad you wrote, it is all so true.
Posted by: mamie
From one who finds it terribly hard to ‘let go, I know it makes perfect sense. What needs to happen will happen, it is all part of our life story, and if we knew the ending we wouldn’t have half as much fun getting to the end. Sometimes though, you need to go through the ‘panic’ to see the beauty of the change.
Posted by: Alison
Excellent post! The irises and peonies here in New England are getting ready — it will be a few more weeks, but the anticipation of the show is enough to restore my faith in so many things! Thanks for the karmic thump on the head!
Posted by: Spiffy Knits!
A friend I hadn’t seen in a very long while and I ran into each other this weekend and were catching up. The upshot of our conversation was this very topic and it’s so good to remember. I am a control freak and my car accident and resulting rehab was a huge lesson in “You Can’t Control Everything”. Enjoy the right now.
Posted by: LeAnne
Thank you–so true, and beautifully put. 🙂
Posted by: Kristen
Thank you for your post and for turning me on to Lizbon’s post. I needed to hear that. Wishing you well…
Posted by: knittripps
My spouse and I will be starting a big move & life transition soon as well, though from west coast to east coast. It is so easy to get caught up in all the worrying, planning, past, future, anywhere but right here, right now. This is exactly what I needed to hear tonight. Thank you!
Posted by: Amy M.
long-time reader, first-time commenter, and old, old friend 🙂
cari, i needed this, too. this after writing you that long angst-filled e-mail complaining about the new mom/baby vortex and wishing i could stop a moment and breathe… i hope i didn’t add to the muck. today i went for a run for the 1st time since the baby was born (wasn’t running much while pregnant either), and the trees were wet and blooming, and i thought of this:
the apparition of faces in the crowd;
petals on a wet bough.
(apologies to ezra pound if i screwed it up.)
do you remember jim reading that?
what a gift. from jim, from pound, from you.
thank you.
Posted by: reyna
I’ve started reading your blog recently and this post really hit home for me. There is always something going on in life and I needed to hear what you wrote from someone who wasn’t intimately involved in my personal life. I tend to overly obsess about things I can only do so much about and as long as I am doing all that I can, I need to let go of the rest. Thank you.
Posted by: Maartje
i’m sure there’s a happy medium but the future is too bleak and neverending for me to want to think about it at all so i deal purely in the here and now and no further than the next 3 months.
Posted by: carolyn
Thanks for that reminder. I needed it.
Posted by: Susan