Insomnia, again
Summer heat has set in. Way too early for it, and I hope it doesn’t last. I don’t like the heat. Not at all. Thumper is asleep next to me, Billy asleep next to him, Diego asleep at the foot of the bed, beneath a blanket in spite of the warm night (Italian greyhounds are weird like that). Oscar is asleep in the wastepaper basket, as usual.
Thumper is sleeping in just a diaper (again, the heat) and I’ve been lying awake and looking at him. Noticing that his body is a little boy’s body now. Not a baby anymore. He’s still soft, but there’s a difference now, muscles beneath that softness. I love watching him grow and develop, love how confident he is and how excited to explore the world around him…but I can understand now the temptation to have many babies. (Though we’re planning for just one more.) Already I miss that sleepy little bundle of the early months. Have I said this before? I’m sure I have. I feel like I have the same realizations over and over again. “I can’t believe how big he’s become” and “It’s all going by so quickly.” Rinse. Repeat.
Many showings of the house this week, some coming back for a second look. I’m hoping we’re coming close to an end, an offer, a contract. I’m tired of keeping the house show-ready, tired of rushing around to clean and straighten, tired of tucking the toys away in one room as if a baby didn’t live here. Tired of wandering the neighborhood with the baby and the dog while people walk through the house and look at our stuff. I’m a very private person (why do I have a blog, then? Good question). I don’t enjoy this opening up of the house to strangers, but it’s kind of hard to sell a house if you won’t let anyone inside. I’m ready for this part of the adventure to be over, please. Maybe then I’ll actually get some sleep at night again.
The letting go? The going with the flow? It’s not so hard during the day. But at night I chew over it all. Play out scenarios. Worry. Have grandiose fantasies of bidding wars over both house and novel. It’s after 3 am. The baby will wake up to nurse at 7 am and will then likely go back to sleep until 9 am (he and I are late sleepers). If I get to sleep in the next 30 minutes, I stand a decent chance of being almost well rested. Think I can do it? Yeah. Me neither.
I hope you get the rest you need. I’ve stopped watching the clock tonight.
Posted by: Sarah
Waiting for your house to sell is a prescription for insomnia. Trust me.
Ah, the heat. I remembered, after it reached over 90 here in Vermont (which some years has never hit 90 all summer), what I figured out last summer. Extreme heat and extreme cold are not the same. Along with cold come pleasurable antidotes(knitting, drinking hot coffee, wearing warm sweaters, cuddling under a blanket, sitting by the fire). The only antidotes to extreme heat are sitting as still as possible and swearing a lot about the weather. Cold may be uncomfortable, but heat makes people really pissy.
Or maybe that’s just me.
Posted by: jessie
heh, yeah it was hot tonight. I guess if I’d actually gone to bed I’d have had trouble sleeping, but what with it being the city that never sleeps and all, and me trying to adjust to UK time… yeah I’ve been in NY for the last 2 weeks and leaving for London tomorrow. Been a while since I did an all nighter, and with 20 year olds too, I feel so old but at least I stayed awake for a respectable amount of time! Jetlag’s got one thing to recommend it!
The heat though? It’s a welcome alternative to winter in New Zealand!
Posted by: Sarah
I hope you get the rest you need. I’ve stopped watching the clock tonight.
Posted by: Sarah
Waiting for your house to sell is a prescription for insomnia. Trust me.
Ah, the heat. I remembered, after it reached over 90 here in Vermont (which some years has never hit 90 all summer), what I figured out last summer. Extreme heat and extreme cold are not the same. Along with cold come pleasurable antidotes(knitting, drinking hot coffee, wearing warm sweaters, cuddling under a blanket, sitting by the fire). The only antidotes to extreme heat are sitting as still as possible and swearing a lot about the weather. Cold may be uncomfortable, but heat makes people really pissy.
Or maybe that’s just me.
Posted by: jessie
heh, yeah it was hot tonight. I guess if I’d actually gone to bed I’d have had trouble sleeping, but what with it being the city that never sleeps and all, and me trying to adjust to UK time… yeah I’ve been in NY for the last 2 weeks and leaving for London tomorrow. Been a while since I did an all nighter, and with 20 year olds too, I feel so old but at least I stayed awake for a respectable amount of time! Jetlag’s got one thing to recommend it!
The heat though? It’s a welcome alternative to winter in New Zealand!
Posted by: Sarah
I definitely live in the moment and have loved every stage of my childrens’ development. That said, i pine away for my babies on a regular basis and look back on that time so fondly. If i had my druthers, I would have a house full.
I’m sorry that you’re so anxious about the house and the book, but it’s perfectly understandable. I also lie awake thinking about things over which i have no control and trying to let go of them. It’s not easy, especially when it’s hot, as you point out. I hope the house sells quickly and you can get back to normal (well, kind of) life.
Posted by: regina
I also de-TEST the heat and am sort of morally against air conditioning so I’m pretty unhappy right now as well. I hate what it does to productivity, I feel like I’m justified in lying (laying?) around like a slug!
I’m going through what you are on a much smaller scale–my landlord is having a hard time renting my apartment (in a town with 5 local colleges…?!) and I have had about 30 “visitors” in the past month. All unannounced, all while I’m trying to write papers, figure out where my relationship is headed or keeping cool by wearing very litter and applying various frozen things to pulse points. Not fun!!
Let’s cross our fingers for a thunderstorm or two today =)
Posted by: Cirilia
I’m layin’ awake sweatin myself here lately…our closing date is moved to June 1. I keep rearranging the placement of the furniture in my head. As for babies, it’s funny – the first year was so hard for us, I’m glad it’s over. Things are fun now and there is a balance and a reward for the work, where there really wasn’t before.
Thinkin’ of you! Looked at your house online, kind of wish I could have bought it from you, it’s gorgeous!
Posted by: melanie
Oh, I hear you about the heat. It’s been crazy hot here in Ohio. I’m trying valiantly to not turn on the a/c because I know it’s better for the environment to sweat it out than to use the electricity. But is a fan any much better? I certainly have those going. And I’m making ice all the time. And drinking lots of cool beverages.
On the upside, I did get to make the first batch of sun tea for the year (Stash’s Raspberry Tea) and I got out the ice cream maker for some Italian Lemon Ices. Mmmm.
I hope the house sells soon.
Posted by: Abby
I feel your pain with the house selling, just went through all of that myself. I honestly have no good advice for you, but just hang in there – it will eventually all come together.
Posted by: Jean
Yes, I remember thinking those same thoughts over my boys. After babyhood leaves, it’s the toddler belly that goes. When they get flat stomachs they seem like such big boys.
Now they are pre-teens and I’m seeing gangly limbs with bony wrists and knobby knees. Young men will soon be upon us, but in the meantime, they still like tickles and hugs. How did I get so lucky?
Posted by: LaurieM
If you need a realtor or mortgage broker here in Portland email me. I swear these women don’t pay me!!! 🙂 They are simply amazing.
We’ve not listed our house yet but I am sure knowing people are walking through your home is an odd feeling at best.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
I hope you find some peaceful sleep soon! I like a hot bath and a good book to help me relax and calm my chattering mind. If that doesn’t work I go with a hot bath and a glass of red wine. The key for me is a hot bath though. Of course that isn’t going to help with summer heat problem so maybe cross that one off the list???
Posted by: knittripps
Ugh, the heat and the insomnia. Bad combo. My condolences.
I have nights like yours every so often, when I just wish my brain had an Off switch. Shut up already, brain!
Try swiping Thumper’s lavender-scented bath stuff if you have some – not a perfect solution, but it does help sometimes.
Posted by: Heather T
I *hated* having people walking through our house when we were trying to sell it. And then I’d come back from my avoiding-being-in-the-house walk, and pass by them on the street and hear them saying rude things about it. It was horrible.
I hope yours sells soon! People coming back for 2nd looks sounds very promising.
Posted by: Lizbon
I definitely live in the moment and have loved every stage of my childrens’ development. That said, i pine away for my babies on a regular basis and look back on that time so fondly. If i had my druthers, I would have a house full.
I’m sorry that you’re so anxious about the house and the book, but it’s perfectly understandable. I also lie awake thinking about things over which i have no control and trying to let go of them. It’s not easy, especially when it’s hot, as you point out. I hope the house sells quickly and you can get back to normal (well, kind of) life.
Posted by: regina
I also de-TEST the heat and am sort of morally against air conditioning so I’m pretty unhappy right now as well. I hate what it does to productivity, I feel like I’m justified in lying (laying?) around like a slug!
I’m going through what you are on a much smaller scale–my landlord is having a hard time renting my apartment (in a town with 5 local colleges…?!) and I have had about 30 “visitors” in the past month. All unannounced, all while I’m trying to write papers, figure out where my relationship is headed or keeping cool by wearing very litter and applying various frozen things to pulse points. Not fun!!
Let’s cross our fingers for a thunderstorm or two today =)
Posted by: Cirilia
I’m layin’ awake sweatin myself here lately…our closing date is moved to June 1. I keep rearranging the placement of the furniture in my head. As for babies, it’s funny – the first year was so hard for us, I’m glad it’s over. Things are fun now and there is a balance and a reward for the work, where there really wasn’t before.
Thinkin’ of you! Looked at your house online, kind of wish I could have bought it from you, it’s gorgeous!
Posted by: melanie
Oh, I hear you about the heat. It’s been crazy hot here in Ohio. I’m trying valiantly to not turn on the a/c because I know it’s better for the environment to sweat it out than to use the electricity. But is a fan any much better? I certainly have those going. And I’m making ice all the time. And drinking lots of cool beverages.
On the upside, I did get to make the first batch of sun tea for the year (Stash’s Raspberry Tea) and I got out the ice cream maker for some Italian Lemon Ices. Mmmm.
I hope the house sells soon.
Posted by: Abby
I feel your pain with the house selling, just went through all of that myself. I honestly have no good advice for you, but just hang in there – it will eventually all come together.
Posted by: Jean
Yes, I remember thinking those same thoughts over my boys. After babyhood leaves, it’s the toddler belly that goes. When they get flat stomachs they seem like such big boys.
Now they are pre-teens and I’m seeing gangly limbs with bony wrists and knobby knees. Young men will soon be upon us, but in the meantime, they still like tickles and hugs. How did I get so lucky?
Posted by: LaurieM
If you need a realtor or mortgage broker here in Portland email me. I swear these women don’t pay me!!! 🙂 They are simply amazing.
We’ve not listed our house yet but I am sure knowing people are walking through your home is an odd feeling at best.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
I hope you find some peaceful sleep soon! I like a hot bath and a good book to help me relax and calm my chattering mind. If that doesn’t work I go with a hot bath and a glass of red wine. The key for me is a hot bath though. Of course that isn’t going to help with summer heat problem so maybe cross that one off the list???
Posted by: knittripps
Ugh, the heat and the insomnia. Bad combo. My condolences.
I have nights like yours every so often, when I just wish my brain had an Off switch. Shut up already, brain!
Try swiping Thumper’s lavender-scented bath stuff if you have some – not a perfect solution, but it does help sometimes.
Posted by: Heather T
I *hated* having people walking through our house when we were trying to sell it. And then I’d come back from my avoiding-being-in-the-house walk, and pass by them on the street and hear them saying rude things about it. It was horrible.
I hope yours sells soon! People coming back for 2nd looks sounds very promising.
Posted by: Lizbon
When my baby boy turned 14, he grew several inches “overnight”. That year we were just like the parents of babies and could only talk about “how big he’s grown”. Now he’s 16 and pushing 6’2″ and I can’t believe how big he’s grown.
Today he went to the Y with me and I loved watching him doing intervals on the treadmill and his new manly muscles. Soon he’ll be strong enough to fly away.
Posted by: Angie
Re Paragraph 2: I’m living proof of the desire to have more and more babies. I might have been happy with two but it worked out different for me. You will be so happy to know that every day is new with your children and every day they will amaze you in new ways. Having two adds a dimension you couldn’t imagine. They observe and learn from each other. The older takes joy and happiness in watching the younger grow and learn. It’s such a gift. Such a blessing. I know you will have a wonderful relationship with your children. I love reading about the things you observe about little thumper and realizing similarities to myself and the “macro” view I often have of my children.
Posted by: Laura
Waiting for your house to sell is like watching paint dry. I know, we’ve done it several times. I used to sit in my car parked strategically across the street at the park so I could tell when the people were done looking at the house and I could go back. Arrrggghh.
Posted by: Cynthia
Another arrrgh for the house selling. I hated having to leave – I wish the industry wouldn’t push so hard for people to pack up and get out while buyers are walking through.
Posted by: Heather
i don’t think it is insomnia when it is enforced by our little guys due to feed schedules, but i too find the 3 a.m. hour one of staring at the family, wondering how it all happened, how they got here, how they stay here with us. motherhood is a trip, one foot creeping towards their future, the other planted firmly in the momentary schedule of feed, burp, change, rinse and repeat. 🙂 i remember reading your post when he was born, thinking i would be there sometime. your time to move will be here soon, portland will wait for you and be a welcome humid-free haven, but hold on until then…that is what i tell myself in those momnets too. smiles.
Posted by: mames
Oh that monkey mind. Stop bothering Cari!
Posted by: claudia
Ain’t life Grand! It’s amazing how much life changes once you have kids! Check out my blog to see my current brag pictures.
Posted by: Michele
Claudia’s right. Of course it can’t be turned off so simply, but waiting actively is the slowest time in the galaxy.
Thinking positive real estate thoughts for you, and loving how gorgeous you all are with the dancing in the dining room and grubbing in the dirt.
Posted by: juno
You can be very private and still have a blog- because you get to choose what you reveal. Normally, you also get to choose who you invite into your home. These are not really people you invite… well, at least not for the reasons you would normally invite people into your home. I can see how it would feel invasive and out of your control.
Posted by: Susan
When my baby boy turned 14, he grew several inches “overnight”. That year we were just like the parents of babies and could only talk about “how big he’s grown”. Now he’s 16 and pushing 6’2″ and I can’t believe how big he’s grown.
Today he went to the Y with me and I loved watching him doing intervals on the treadmill and his new manly muscles. Soon he’ll be strong enough to fly away.
Posted by: Angie
Re Paragraph 2: I’m living proof of the desire to have more and more babies. I might have been happy with two but it worked out different for me. You will be so happy to know that every day is new with your children and every day they will amaze you in new ways. Having two adds a dimension you couldn’t imagine. They observe and learn from each other. The older takes joy and happiness in watching the younger grow and learn. It’s such a gift. Such a blessing. I know you will have a wonderful relationship with your children. I love reading about the things you observe about little thumper and realizing similarities to myself and the “macro” view I often have of my children.
Posted by: Laura
Waiting for your house to sell is like watching paint dry. I know, we’ve done it several times. I used to sit in my car parked strategically across the street at the park so I could tell when the people were done looking at the house and I could go back. Arrrggghh.
Posted by: Cynthia
Another arrrgh for the house selling. I hated having to leave – I wish the industry wouldn’t push so hard for people to pack up and get out while buyers are walking through.
Posted by: Heather
i don’t think it is insomnia when it is enforced by our little guys due to feed schedules, but i too find the 3 a.m. hour one of staring at the family, wondering how it all happened, how they got here, how they stay here with us. motherhood is a trip, one foot creeping towards their future, the other planted firmly in the momentary schedule of feed, burp, change, rinse and repeat. 🙂 i remember reading your post when he was born, thinking i would be there sometime. your time to move will be here soon, portland will wait for you and be a welcome humid-free haven, but hold on until then…that is what i tell myself in those momnets too. smiles.
Posted by: mames
Oh that monkey mind. Stop bothering Cari!
Posted by: claudia
Ain’t life Grand! It’s amazing how much life changes once you have kids! Check out my blog to see my current brag pictures.
Posted by: Michele
Claudia’s right. Of course it can’t be turned off so simply, but waiting actively is the slowest time in the galaxy.
Thinking positive real estate thoughts for you, and loving how gorgeous you all are with the dancing in the dining room and grubbing in the dirt.
Posted by: juno
You can be very private and still have a blog- because you get to choose what you reveal. Normally, you also get to choose who you invite into your home. These are not really people you invite… well, at least not for the reasons you would normally invite people into your home. I can see how it would feel invasive and out of your control.
Posted by: Susan