Fragment #5

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All it takes is seeing one red pickup driving down the road and IÂ’m right back there, back to that summer. I think back on Joe, what we did and why. And I wonder if we really did get away with it after all, or if it rides him still the way it rides me. The way the ghost of it can rise up out of the bed of some strangerÂ’s dusty pickup truck and hang over me like hate the whole day through. Some days it seems thereÂ’s nothing on the road but pickup trucks. And some days it seems theyÂ’re all red.

An explanation, since I haven’t posted one of these in a while: These fragments are short bits of fiction. In general I’ll write them quickly–in five minutes or so–and post them straight away with minimal (or no) editing. Some of them may later find their way into a story or novel, or may get expanded into longer pieces, but in general I’m trying to write them as quick freewriting exercises with no expectation or pressure of a longer work or of even worrying if they’re any good. The exact opposite of what goes on in my regular fiction writing (which carries plenty of pressure, both internal and external, and which I don’t post on the blog, and the good or badness of which I worry about quite a bit sometimes).

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28 Comments on “Fragment #5”

  1. That’s great – I absolutely want to know what happened that day. And am beginning to imagine myself what happened…

    Question: are these totally unprompted bits, or do you use some kind of ‘starter’ for them? Or is it just an image, and object, that prompts the fictional sketch?

    Thanks for sharing!
    Posted by: Allegra

  3. must.read.more. please.write.more.

    Great little tidbit. Keep on writing!
    Posted by: Jennifer

  4. That’s great – I absolutely want to know what happened that day. And am beginning to imagine myself what happened…

    Question: are these totally unprompted bits, or do you use some kind of ‘starter’ for them? Or is it just an image, and object, that prompts the fictional sketch?

    Thanks for sharing!
    Posted by: Allegra

  6. must.read.more. please.write.more.

    Great little tidbit. Keep on writing!
    Posted by: Jennifer

  7. Very evocative. I can imagine what happened that day, but I had a friend who was killed by a white pickup truck. Every time I see a white pickup truck, I have negative feelings toward it. I know, totally not fair. Fortunately the killer didn’t get away with it. He’s serving a 20 year sentence. I’m just glad you made the pickup red and not white or you would’ve freaked me out.
    Posted by: Riin

  8. My favorite fragment so far. I really enjoy your writing style, or at least your freewriting style 🙂
    Posted by: Vicki

  9. I agree with vicki…this is my favorite to date.

    Posted by: Jen S

  11. That’s great. It would be a great as an opening paragraph, or as a closing one.
    Posted by: heather t

  12. Very evocative. I can imagine what happened that day, but I had a friend who was killed by a white pickup truck. Every time I see a white pickup truck, I have negative feelings toward it. I know, totally not fair. Fortunately the killer didn’t get away with it. He’s serving a 20 year sentence. I’m just glad you made the pickup red and not white or you would’ve freaked me out.
    Posted by: Riin

  13. My favorite fragment so far. I really enjoy your writing style, or at least your freewriting style 🙂
    Posted by: Vicki

  14. I agree with vicki…this is my favorite to date.

    Posted by: Jen S

  16. That’s great. It would be a great as an opening paragraph, or as a closing one.
    Posted by: heather t

  17. I am glad to see another new fragment. I enjoy reading these!
    Posted by: Knittripps

  18. Great one. Very first-paragraph-of-a-short-story, I think. I’m a metaphor junkie, so the “hang over me like hate” was a particularly awesome line for me. Do you save pieces of these that you like verbatim, or are you more likely to use the themes/plots in them?
    Posted by: Laurakeet

  19. I like this one a lot, too! I want to know the whole story!
    Posted by: janna

  20. It SUCKS to come after SPAM….I hope I don’t get lost in the shuffle.

    Please save this fragment and turn it into a story someday if you can. That’s an opening paragraph that would have had me buying the book.
    Posted by: JoAnne

  21. Powerful. I can feel the burden, the way the memory of this action haunts this person and how, on some days, this can be even more present.
    And again, this passage makes me want to read more.
    Posted by: Carmen

  22. Reminds me of a friend’s mother, 20 years ago: she’d been badly treated and dumped by a guy (Jerry) with a red convertible. She didn’t take the dumping very well. Every time she saw a red convertible she’d say, in a slightly whiny nasal old-lady voice, something like “it’s Jerry! is that Jerry?” or “who’s that slut sitting next to Jerry?” or my favourite “there’s a red convertible but. . . it’s not Jerry”. And any other convertible she’d say, “there goes a convertible but. . . it’s not red”.
    Posted by: jodi

  23. I am glad to see another new fragment. I enjoy reading these!
    Posted by: Knittripps

  24. Great one. Very first-paragraph-of-a-short-story, I think. I’m a metaphor junkie, so the “hang over me like hate” was a particularly awesome line for me. Do you save pieces of these that you like verbatim, or are you more likely to use the themes/plots in them?
    Posted by: Laurakeet

  25. I like this one a lot, too! I want to know the whole story!
    Posted by: janna

  26. It SUCKS to come after SPAM….I hope I don’t get lost in the shuffle.

    Please save this fragment and turn it into a story someday if you can. That’s an opening paragraph that would have had me buying the book.
    Posted by: JoAnne

  27. Powerful. I can feel the burden, the way the memory of this action haunts this person and how, on some days, this can be even more present.
    And again, this passage makes me want to read more.
    Posted by: Carmen

  28. Reminds me of a friend’s mother, 20 years ago: she’d been badly treated and dumped by a guy (Jerry) with a red convertible. She didn’t take the dumping very well. Every time she saw a red convertible she’d say, in a slightly whiny nasal old-lady voice, something like “it’s Jerry! is that Jerry?” or “who’s that slut sitting next to Jerry?” or my favourite “there’s a red convertible but. . . it’s not Jerry”. And any other convertible she’d say, “there goes a convertible but. . . it’s not red”.
    Posted by: jodi