Bread with strings
Leaving New York for Portland meant leaving a place with a large Jewish population for one where we would be in the extreme minority. We joked that once we arrived here, there would now be ten Jews in Portland. In reality, there are more than ten, but it doesnÂ’t feel that way. At times it seems like the Portland version of diversity is to have more than two brunettes in a room. (Yes, a downside to Utopia. There had to be SOMETHING.)
Though IÂ’m Buddhist by faith, IÂ’m Jewish by heritage, as is Billy. When I was a kid, my father was the temple president and my mother (born Protestant but converted when she married my dad) was active in the temple as well. We lit the Shabbat candles and said the prayers over the candles and the challah every Friday night. Though I found the religion a poor fit for me, and chose not to practice as an adult, I have really wonderful memories of those Shabbat dinners with my family.
Billy and I donÂ’t intend to become practicing religious Jews, but we do want our kids to have a sense of their heritage. If we were to leave New York for Portland, where Jewish culture is so much a part of New York culture that itÂ’s hard to find the seams, Thumper would not absorb any kind of Jewish identity by osmosis. He would most likely be one of the only Jewish kids in his classes at school, etc. We decided that we would start to have Shabbat dinner every week, the candles, the challah, the big family meal.
I cook dinner almost every night as it is, but for Shabbat I go to a little extra trouble, make the meal a little bit more elaborate. And, inspired (and instructed) by Amy, I make my own challah. Amy gave me two recipes—one where you make the dough in a bread machine and then shape it by hand, and another made entirely by hand. The first few weeks of the Great Challah Experiment, I used the bread machine recipe, because itÂ’s tough to get time to make bread entirely by hand while chasing after a little guy. It turned out okay, but not great. Edible, and definitely bread, but not the delicious stuff we grew up with. For the past two weeks, IÂ’ve been making it by hand instead, and the resultsÂ… wellÂ… fantastic. Absolutely delicious challah. Either the bread machine doesnÂ’t knead the dough well enough or the recipe Amy gave me to make it by hand (the recipe she uses herself each week) is just much better. ItÂ’s worth the extra time and work, and IÂ’ve just decided that Friday naptime is for breadmaking. If I donÂ’t expect to get anything done besides the challah and prepping Shabbat dinner during ThumperÂ’s nap on Friday, it turns out I do indeed have time. And this recipe makes two loaves, rather than the one loaf you get using the bread machine to make the dough. Traditionally, there should be two loaves for the blessing, but in the reform temple of my childhood there was only ever one loaf, and we certainly don’t need two loaves for the three of us.
Which brings me to the strings. We donÂ’t need two loaves of challah each week, so IÂ’ve been keeping one for our family and giving one to a neighbor. I thought I was making this gift of freshly baked bread entirely without strings or any expectations, but apparently I gave myself too much credit there. Last week, the first week of two loaves, I gave the second loaf to the neighbors who had had us over for Thanksgiving dinner the day before. Thumper and I walked over to their house and gave them the loaf, still warm from the oven, on a wooden cutting board with a tea towel draped over it. I was so proud, so happy to share the breadÂ…and I guess a bit too proud and maybe happy to share the bread because of how it would make me feel more than happy to share the bread for the sake of sharing. The neighbor smiled and accepted the loaf graciously but seemed a bit perplexed. When Billy ran into them the next day, they didnÂ’t mention the bread at all.
Still no word from them or sign of my cutting board this past Friday. The second loaf this Friday went to our next-door-neighbors who have been so warm and welcoming to us. The loaf was received with delight and surprise, the wife lifting the bread up to smell it, showing it around to the rest of the family. Genuinely pleased and happy to have it. I felt great, found myself comparing their reaction to the reaction of the week before. “Now Shelley knows how to receive a homemade loaf of bread,” I told Billy.
Yesterday, a full eight days later, the first family sent their 11-year-old over to return the cutting board and tea towel without any message of thanks of any kind. I know the bread was really damn good, because we had the other loaf, so thatÂ’s not whatÂ’s going onÂ… But what it comes down to isÂ…if IÂ’m giving away this second loaf because itÂ’s a good, delicious thing that I want to share with our neighbors and friends, something they arenÂ’t asking forÂ… If giving the challah away is done in the spirit of sharing and community and not about my ego, then the reaction of the recipient shouldnÂ’t matter one bit. If IÂ’m stung by the lack of enthusiasm for the bread, then IÂ’m giving it for the wrong reasons.
I want to share it for the right reasons. I will continue to share the second loaf, and when I do it, IÂ’ll do my best to keep in mind the reason IÂ’m doing it. Something to work on, anywayÂ…
delurking to say:
It’s fun to make things for people. It’s more fun if they appreciate your labor, even if they didn’t expect or demand it from you. Why give homemade, tasty bread to people who don’t want or need it? why not give it a home that loves it? yea, your ego shouldn’t be involved in the giving. if you were giving away something else you had too much of, something your labor didn’t go into (say store-bought bread, even really amazing store bought bread), i doubt you would care how it was received. but you weren’t alienated from the production of this bread and you have the lovely temperament/privilege to be invested in whatever labor you are doing (parenting, knitting, writing, breadmaking). in other words, your ego is involved in the making. and the making should be appreciated.
Posted by: tea
the bread looks delish, can i borrow the recipe?? 🙂 i’m sure you will find many people happy to receive that second yummy loaf.
Posted by: carolyn
Ow. I’m not sure our culture (at large) knows how to receive gifts of this sort now. Hand-made items are so rare, I don’t know if people value them too much or too little. (Do I need to say how sad this makes me? No, I guess not.)
I do know that if you were my neighbor and you brought me homemade bread, I would feel weak at the knees and bring you one of mine to reciprocate at the very next opportunity. Because I make bread a lot in the fall-winter. A great big lot. And I love to have it appreciated.
Posted by: Jill Smith
I’m the type to always try to find a good/acceptable reason for why people do things that seem wrong. I can’t help it – it’s the only way I can get through life. I’m wondering if perhaps the timing was what made them so strange. The day after Thanksgiving they may have had a house full of left-overs, and then there was a gift of more food. That’s the best/kindest reason that I can think of for their inconsideration. If it had been me, I’d be canning preserves for you right now to go with your wonderful bread.
Posted by: Jenn
delurking to say:
It’s fun to make things for people. It’s more fun if they appreciate your labor, even if they didn’t expect or demand it from you. Why give homemade, tasty bread to people who don’t want or need it? why not give it a home that loves it? yea, your ego shouldn’t be involved in the giving. if you were giving away something else you had too much of, something your labor didn’t go into (say store-bought bread, even really amazing store bought bread), i doubt you would care how it was received. but you weren’t alienated from the production of this bread and you have the lovely temperament/privilege to be invested in whatever labor you are doing (parenting, knitting, writing, breadmaking). in other words, your ego is involved in the making. and the making should be appreciated.
Posted by: tea
the bread looks delish, can i borrow the recipe?? 🙂 i’m sure you will find many people happy to receive that second yummy loaf.
Posted by: carolyn
Ow. I’m not sure our culture (at large) knows how to receive gifts of this sort now. Hand-made items are so rare, I don’t know if people value them too much or too little. (Do I need to say how sad this makes me? No, I guess not.)
I do know that if you were my neighbor and you brought me homemade bread, I would feel weak at the knees and bring you one of mine to reciprocate at the very next opportunity. Because I make bread a lot in the fall-winter. A great big lot. And I love to have it appreciated.
Posted by: Jill Smith
I’m the type to always try to find a good/acceptable reason for why people do things that seem wrong. I can’t help it – it’s the only way I can get through life. I’m wondering if perhaps the timing was what made them so strange. The day after Thanksgiving they may have had a house full of left-overs, and then there was a gift of more food. That’s the best/kindest reason that I can think of for their inconsideration. If it had been me, I’d be canning preserves for you right now to go with your wonderful bread.
Posted by: Jenn
It feels good to share homemade gifts with others. I get a special joy from giving a knitted gift or a jar of homemade pickles/jelly. If the recipient is not as excited as I imagined he or she would be, then I am a little hurt, but my motto is to do good anyway. It sounds like you are starting a wonderful new tradition.
Posted by: knittripps
Hey how long have you been in PDX…I wonder have we crossed paths at Twisted…I have been here a year now…and I hear what you are saying on the diversity thing…even with that…I still love it here…so welcome…do you all meetup at Twisted every week..I live around the corner….I would love to have some new knitting pals!!
Posted by: Denise
Yeah, I feel you on the lacking diversity in the NW, although it might be a bit better in Seattle than in PDX. I make jokes, too – like when my co-worker asks me questions about Jewish things, I start chanting “Token! Token!”.
I love the idea that you’re taking a tradition and shaping it to fit your family and your life. You’re passing it on with your own personal stamp, but still imbuing it with importance. I often struggle with this, how to embrace some of the ideas I find to be beautiful. It’s not easy.
The highest form of Tzedakah is to give anonymously, with no expectation of anything in return. Easier said than done, but hopefully something to strive towards in your bread situation.
Posted by: Jenna
Giving unconditionally, with no hidden agendas, is difficulty, but in the end shows compassion and love.
Peace,
Mai
Posted by: Mai
We moved to our home here on a rural-ish, western Pennsylvania road 14 years ago. I was all about the romanticized notion of living in the country with neighbors who came by to borrow a cup of sugar and chatted over cups of tea after the kids got on the school bus. I had clearly watched too many old TV shows or something because this is one of the most keep-to-yourself places I’ve ever lived.
Our first Christmas here, I baked cookies out the wazoo and took cookie trays to a half dozen or so neighbors we’d gotten to know — not well, but enough. Almost every one of them greeted this gesture with the most quizzical expressions and confusion, and in some cases, apprehension and discomfort…almost embarrassment at being given a gift out of the blue like this. Talk about that being the opposite of what I wanted…just to share something nice with people I hoped to get to know better. I might have had better luck if I’d have given them to complete strangers. It was disheartening.
In the years since, I occasionally give this experiment of sharing another try, with varying results. But I want my kids to know these are nice things to do, and I also want them to learn to be gracious in their responses to the gifts of others. Maybe when they are adults they’ll be fortunate enough to live somewhere where this won’t seem so strange.
Posted by: Lisa
That’s a very Buddhist reaction to your neighbors’ somewhat callous behavior. 🙂 There’s nothing wrong with wanting a little good feeling in return for doing a nice thing.
I miss Jewish culture here in Boulder, too. There’s probably more here than in Portland (and most of the Jews are Buddhists here too–hence the term “BuJews”), but nobody says, “Oy gevalt!” or knows what a schmatte is. (And don’t get me started on the complete absence of gay culture…)
Posted by: Anne
It feels good to share homemade gifts with others. I get a special joy from giving a knitted gift or a jar of homemade pickles/jelly. If the recipient is not as excited as I imagined he or she would be, then I am a little hurt, but my motto is to do good anyway. It sounds like you are starting a wonderful new tradition.
Posted by: knittripps
Hey how long have you been in PDX…I wonder have we crossed paths at Twisted…I have been here a year now…and I hear what you are saying on the diversity thing…even with that…I still love it here…so welcome…do you all meetup at Twisted every week..I live around the corner….I would love to have some new knitting pals!!
Posted by: Denise
Yeah, I feel you on the lacking diversity in the NW, although it might be a bit better in Seattle than in PDX. I make jokes, too – like when my co-worker asks me questions about Jewish things, I start chanting “Token! Token!”.
I love the idea that you’re taking a tradition and shaping it to fit your family and your life. You’re passing it on with your own personal stamp, but still imbuing it with importance. I often struggle with this, how to embrace some of the ideas I find to be beautiful. It’s not easy.
The highest form of Tzedakah is to give anonymously, with no expectation of anything in return. Easier said than done, but hopefully something to strive towards in your bread situation.
Posted by: Jenna
Giving unconditionally, with no hidden agendas, is difficulty, but in the end shows compassion and love.
Peace,
Mai
Posted by: Mai
We moved to our home here on a rural-ish, western Pennsylvania road 14 years ago. I was all about the romanticized notion of living in the country with neighbors who came by to borrow a cup of sugar and chatted over cups of tea after the kids got on the school bus. I had clearly watched too many old TV shows or something because this is one of the most keep-to-yourself places I’ve ever lived.
Our first Christmas here, I baked cookies out the wazoo and took cookie trays to a half dozen or so neighbors we’d gotten to know — not well, but enough. Almost every one of them greeted this gesture with the most quizzical expressions and confusion, and in some cases, apprehension and discomfort…almost embarrassment at being given a gift out of the blue like this. Talk about that being the opposite of what I wanted…just to share something nice with people I hoped to get to know better. I might have had better luck if I’d have given them to complete strangers. It was disheartening.
In the years since, I occasionally give this experiment of sharing another try, with varying results. But I want my kids to know these are nice things to do, and I also want them to learn to be gracious in their responses to the gifts of others. Maybe when they are adults they’ll be fortunate enough to live somewhere where this won’t seem so strange.
Posted by: Lisa
That’s a very Buddhist reaction to your neighbors’ somewhat callous behavior. 🙂 There’s nothing wrong with wanting a little good feeling in return for doing a nice thing.
I miss Jewish culture here in Boulder, too. There’s probably more here than in Portland (and most of the Jews are Buddhists here too–hence the term “BuJews”), but nobody says, “Oy gevalt!” or knows what a schmatte is. (And don’t get me started on the complete absence of gay culture…)
Posted by: Anne
I don’t think you should give any more bread to the first neighbours. I think their reaction shows that they don’t really want it. Maybe they didn’t even eat it! Then they wouldn’t know how good it is! They might be white sliced bread type people or hate trying new things, or maybe they’re totally anti-carb. Give it to someone who will appreciate it more.
Posted by: Sarah
I went over three years without buying a loaf of bread or a roll – all was made by my hands, so I know how special homemade/handmade bread is to have. Some people just do not know how to receive a gift without strings and some people also do not know what goes into handmade wares (food/clothes/socks, etc.)
Try again sometime out of the blue – they may learn to appreciate your thoughtfulness. If they don’t, definitely it will be their loss.
Posted by: Julia in kw
All of our lives, we teach and are taught to expect praise for what we’ve done well. It is a very powerful teaching/rearing tool and-I feel- is completely appropriate. As we age *ahem*, our praises go from lollipops and kudos to paychecks and perks but it’s still the same reinforcement. I think it’s perfectly natural to expect that the recipient would be as excited as you were about your hard work. Your dissappointment may be more in their failure to follow the well established “rules” than in you not getting your expecting response. In any case, I appplaud your desire to let you own praise, and personal knowledge that you did a great job, be enough!
Posted by: Aesox
i accept gifts of bread really, really well. 😉
there always has to be one neighbor that makes you scratch your head a bit. maybe they are not used to kindness.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
I know that this may sound weird, but I think that a lot of people are a frightened and intimidated by gifts, particularly ones that are not anticipated. I have a member of my family who somehow is missing the gene that makes one “gracious”. For years, I would feel hurt or angry when I would try to reach out, and share something of myself.
The suprising thing I found as I got older, is that this person is generous in ways that many other people aren’t. Visiting people in the hospital that no one else would go see, helping to take care of people finances who can’t do so for themselves.
And I need to be mindful of that, when I get annoyed at the little things…
I’m not sure if this is making any sense.. I just came back from a family wedding, where I was particularly annoyed. Ugh.
Alas… I wish you were my neighbor. I love challah. Especially making french toast with the leftovers….
Posted by: Megan
All I can say – I wish I were your neighbor – I would COMPLETELY be thrilled to receive fresh, hot, homemade bread – (tummy growling now!) I think its wonderful you even thought to share it with someone!
Posted by: Rebecca
I’m inspired. Really. And you know I don’t cook. (recalling memories of trying to make latkas and setting the kitchen on fire…..you would think 7 years of graduate education would have taught me something about how you shouldn’t add water to a frying pan of hot oil….)
Any chance you would be willing to share the recipe? – with all due credit to Amy, of course.
(I know we didn’t get to see much of you on the East Coast, but somehow you feel much farther away now!)
Posted by: Rebecca
I don’t think you should give any more bread to the first neighbours. I think their reaction shows that they don’t really want it. Maybe they didn’t even eat it! Then they wouldn’t know how good it is! They might be white sliced bread type people or hate trying new things, or maybe they’re totally anti-carb. Give it to someone who will appreciate it more.
Posted by: Sarah
I went over three years without buying a loaf of bread or a roll – all was made by my hands, so I know how special homemade/handmade bread is to have. Some people just do not know how to receive a gift without strings and some people also do not know what goes into handmade wares (food/clothes/socks, etc.)
Try again sometime out of the blue – they may learn to appreciate your thoughtfulness. If they don’t, definitely it will be their loss.
Posted by: Julia in kw
All of our lives, we teach and are taught to expect praise for what we’ve done well. It is a very powerful teaching/rearing tool and-I feel- is completely appropriate. As we age *ahem*, our praises go from lollipops and kudos to paychecks and perks but it’s still the same reinforcement. I think it’s perfectly natural to expect that the recipient would be as excited as you were about your hard work. Your dissappointment may be more in their failure to follow the well established “rules” than in you not getting your expecting response. In any case, I appplaud your desire to let you own praise, and personal knowledge that you did a great job, be enough!
Posted by: Aesox
i accept gifts of bread really, really well. 😉
there always has to be one neighbor that makes you scratch your head a bit. maybe they are not used to kindness.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
I know that this may sound weird, but I think that a lot of people are a frightened and intimidated by gifts, particularly ones that are not anticipated. I have a member of my family who somehow is missing the gene that makes one “gracious”. For years, I would feel hurt or angry when I would try to reach out, and share something of myself.
The suprising thing I found as I got older, is that this person is generous in ways that many other people aren’t. Visiting people in the hospital that no one else would go see, helping to take care of people finances who can’t do so for themselves.
And I need to be mindful of that, when I get annoyed at the little things…
I’m not sure if this is making any sense.. I just came back from a family wedding, where I was particularly annoyed. Ugh.
Alas… I wish you were my neighbor. I love challah. Especially making french toast with the leftovers….
Posted by: Megan
All I can say – I wish I were your neighbor – I would COMPLETELY be thrilled to receive fresh, hot, homemade bread – (tummy growling now!) I think its wonderful you even thought to share it with someone!
Posted by: Rebecca
I’m inspired. Really. And you know I don’t cook. (recalling memories of trying to make latkas and setting the kitchen on fire…..you would think 7 years of graduate education would have taught me something about how you shouldn’t add water to a frying pan of hot oil….)
Any chance you would be willing to share the recipe? – with all due credit to Amy, of course.
(I know we didn’t get to see much of you on the East Coast, but somehow you feel much farther away now!)
Posted by: Rebecca
What a wonderful thing you are doing. So few people give any thought to their heritage and how they will teach their children. They seem to rely too much on osmosis. I applaud you for taking this challenge on. As a mother of teenagers, I can tell you it is worth the time and the hardship!
As for your bread sharing, that is hard. I prepared 4 scrapbooks for my family. My older brother was dying of cancer at the time and I felt his children deserved a history of our lives. So I worked nonstop for 2 months cooridinating pictures and stories with my parents. I made an album for my folks, my older brother, my younger brother and myself. I then boxed them all up and sent them to Texas. I have never heard a word of thanks from my older brother. He ended up surviving cancer thus far, but never said anything about the album. I was terribly hurt at the time, but now realize that I don’t know how that album may be used in their family. I also give holiday goodies out to neighbors. My kids gripe every year when we drop them off at this one house. They say, “But she is so mean! She doesn’t like our friends! She calls the cops on everyone!” Sometimes it is the lessons we teach our children with our actions which is the most important, not our own feelings.
Hope this makes sense. Thanks for giving me a chance to reflect on this before the giving begins!!
Posted by: KaKi
We have Shabbat dinner every Friday with our kids and have been doing so since they were babies. We love it and even though it’s often crazy, it’s a beautiful way to close the week. We always cut our challah in half and save the second half for challah french toast on Saturday morning.
Pragmatist that I am, I’ll share this. Although I usually have time to pick up a challah, there have been weeks when I’m been jammed. So, I’ve learned to always have a “reserve” challah in the freezer. So, you may want to pop one or two of those second challahs into the freezer. Of course, you only need a couple of extras and your newly-started tradition of sharing a second loaf is neat. I’ll bet there are other former New Yorkers in Portland who would love a yummy challah 🙂
Posted by: Kathy
It hurts my feelings on your behalf that such a warm and wonderful gift was treated in that cold and misunderstood way.
You did a right and wonderful thing. They did all the wrong things.
Most people understand and welcome a loving gesture like yours. Don’t be put off by such cold clods. Stay yourself.
Posted by: Deven
You can FedEx me a loaf of bread anytime 😉
Posted by: xina
Is Amy’s Challah recipe in a book somewhere? Or, can you share it with me if it’s not copyrighted? I’m looking for a good recipe for my hubby, who’s Jewish in Missouri and in a definite minority too!
Posted by: Emily
I have made challah quite a few times from the recipe out of a Good Housekeeping Cookbook that I got in 1988! It’s absolutely delicious, but I would love to have your recipe if you’ll share.
Posted by: LeAnne
What a wonderful thing you are doing. So few people give any thought to their heritage and how they will teach their children. They seem to rely too much on osmosis. I applaud you for taking this challenge on. As a mother of teenagers, I can tell you it is worth the time and the hardship!
As for your bread sharing, that is hard. I prepared 4 scrapbooks for my family. My older brother was dying of cancer at the time and I felt his children deserved a history of our lives. So I worked nonstop for 2 months cooridinating pictures and stories with my parents. I made an album for my folks, my older brother, my younger brother and myself. I then boxed them all up and sent them to Texas. I have never heard a word of thanks from my older brother. He ended up surviving cancer thus far, but never said anything about the album. I was terribly hurt at the time, but now realize that I don’t know how that album may be used in their family. I also give holiday goodies out to neighbors. My kids gripe every year when we drop them off at this one house. They say, “But she is so mean! She doesn’t like our friends! She calls the cops on everyone!” Sometimes it is the lessons we teach our children with our actions which is the most important, not our own feelings.
Hope this makes sense. Thanks for giving me a chance to reflect on this before the giving begins!!
Posted by: KaKi
We have Shabbat dinner every Friday with our kids and have been doing so since they were babies. We love it and even though it’s often crazy, it’s a beautiful way to close the week. We always cut our challah in half and save the second half for challah french toast on Saturday morning.
Pragmatist that I am, I’ll share this. Although I usually have time to pick up a challah, there have been weeks when I’m been jammed. So, I’ve learned to always have a “reserve” challah in the freezer. So, you may want to pop one or two of those second challahs into the freezer. Of course, you only need a couple of extras and your newly-started tradition of sharing a second loaf is neat. I’ll bet there are other former New Yorkers in Portland who would love a yummy challah 🙂
Posted by: Kathy
It hurts my feelings on your behalf that such a warm and wonderful gift was treated in that cold and misunderstood way.
You did a right and wonderful thing. They did all the wrong things.
Most people understand and welcome a loving gesture like yours. Don’t be put off by such cold clods. Stay yourself.
Posted by: Deven
You can FedEx me a loaf of bread anytime 😉
Posted by: xina
Is Amy’s Challah recipe in a book somewhere? Or, can you share it with me if it’s not copyrighted? I’m looking for a good recipe for my hubby, who’s Jewish in Missouri and in a definite minority too!
Posted by: Emily
I have made challah quite a few times from the recipe out of a Good Housekeeping Cookbook that I got in 1988! It’s absolutely delicious, but I would love to have your recipe if you’ll share.
Posted by: LeAnne
Actually you live on the wrong side of the river – all Portland Jews seem to live on the west side. There’s a Jewish community center near Multnomah Village.
Posted by: Katie
Oh, I’m so glad you’re enjoying the bread. It looks fantastic, and you’re totally my hero for kneading it by hand every week.
I’d be puzzled by the reaction you got from the first family, too. And while it wouldn’t stop me from trying to reach out to them in other ways, maybe having them over for dinner, or whatever, I think it would stop me from making them the “usual” challah recipient.
And I don’t actually think that *your* reaction means you’re giving the bread for the wrong reasons–community and sharing both require multiple parties to be engaged, and it sounds as though your neighbors weren’t very engaging in this case, eh?
Posted by: Amy
The bread looks great!
This comment has nothing to do with this post, but I can’t find the post I am thinking of.
A bit ago you mentioned a resturant you went to for your birthday becasue it was great for kids. A dear friend of mine also recently made the move to Portland. I sent her the link to your place. She wrote me back with this place:
Peanut Butter and Ellies: 4405 SW Vermont St. Portland, OR
which they like for the same reason.
I hope you can use the info!
Posted by: aleakamh
My very best friend works for Temple Beth Israel in NW Portland, if you are interested I can give you her information and she maybe able to point you in the direction of some of the community that you are missing. They have a lovely pre-school and my friend while Jewish is not practicing so there would be no pressure to join or attend services. If that would be helpful just shoot me an e-mail, have a great wet and windy day!
Posted by: Toni
Mmm. Bread. That would go so nicely with the snow falling outside.
Posted by: claudia
the bread does look extremely yummy! i miss challah bread. i don’t make it at home because of the un-veganness of it 🙂 perhaps your neighbors had never received such a gift and were perplexed as to how to say thank you for it. maybe they’ll be less confused next time around.
Posted by: gleek
I love your generosity. Me, I would freeze the second loaf (possibly even before I baked it), thaw it out the next week, and enjoy homemade bread every week with half the work. But I think your way is a lot more in keeping with the whole intention of religious traditions, however affiliated they may or may not happen to be with the specifics of a particular religion.
Posted by: YTT
Actually you live on the wrong side of the river – all Portland Jews seem to live on the west side. There’s a Jewish community center near Multnomah Village.
Posted by: Katie
Oh, I’m so glad you’re enjoying the bread. It looks fantastic, and you’re totally my hero for kneading it by hand every week.
I’d be puzzled by the reaction you got from the first family, too. And while it wouldn’t stop me from trying to reach out to them in other ways, maybe having them over for dinner, or whatever, I think it would stop me from making them the “usual” challah recipient.
And I don’t actually think that *your* reaction means you’re giving the bread for the wrong reasons–community and sharing both require multiple parties to be engaged, and it sounds as though your neighbors weren’t very engaging in this case, eh?
Posted by: Amy
The bread looks great!
This comment has nothing to do with this post, but I can’t find the post I am thinking of.
A bit ago you mentioned a resturant you went to for your birthday becasue it was great for kids. A dear friend of mine also recently made the move to Portland. I sent her the link to your place. She wrote me back with this place:
Peanut Butter and Ellies: 4405 SW Vermont St. Portland, OR
which they like for the same reason.
I hope you can use the info!
Posted by: aleakamh
My very best friend works for Temple Beth Israel in NW Portland, if you are interested I can give you her information and she maybe able to point you in the direction of some of the community that you are missing. They have a lovely pre-school and my friend while Jewish is not practicing so there would be no pressure to join or attend services. If that would be helpful just shoot me an e-mail, have a great wet and windy day!
Posted by: Toni
Mmm. Bread. That would go so nicely with the snow falling outside.
Posted by: claudia
the bread does look extremely yummy! i miss challah bread. i don’t make it at home because of the un-veganness of it 🙂 perhaps your neighbors had never received such a gift and were perplexed as to how to say thank you for it. maybe they’ll be less confused next time around.
Posted by: gleek
I love your generosity. Me, I would freeze the second loaf (possibly even before I baked it), thaw it out the next week, and enjoy homemade bread every week with half the work. But I think your way is a lot more in keeping with the whole intention of religious traditions, however affiliated they may or may not happen to be with the specifics of a particular religion.
Posted by: YTT
Even though it’s hard to find the seams of Jewish/New York culture, you still find stuff like this sometimes: http://gothamist.com/2007/12/03/if_its_time_for.php
Crazy!
If you need some H bagels overnighted, just let me know. 🙂
Posted by: nipper jenn
Your bread looks beautiful, it would be most welcome here! Its a lovely idea to share the second loaf, really lovely.
Posted by: Sharon
I admire your philosophy about how you shouldn’t feel slighted by the “confused” neighbor’s response to your gift of bread. At the same time, I don’t get people who show no appreciation for the fact that someone gifted them with something that’s handmade. that’s why my in-laws are permanently off of my gets-handmade-gifts-for-holidays list.
In today’s society, where virtually everything is made by a corporation or a machine (or in China!), I feel that there should be some thanks and appreciate for the receipt of anything that’s handmade. But that’s just me.
I lurk frequently, and enjoy your blog!
Posted by: amy
Being half-Jewish myself (my father’s side), I totally get the Culturally-but-not-religiously-Jewish thing. And I really love that about Judaism. That I can still be a Jew and celebrate my culture even though I don’t go to temple, am not technically Jewish (my mother was Catholic and my father was Jewish) and don’t believe in the religion as such.
We celebrate Hanukkah and Passover right next to Christmas and Easter. And as a non-Christian myself, I feel more festive about the cultural holidays of Hanukkah and Passover than I do about the Christian ones.
And the food… oh.. the food!
Mmmm
Posted by: Miriam
Hi – I’m voting on the side of giving the less gracious neighbors another chance some time. Who know why they reacted the way they did? I have also been unintentionally less than gracious on occasion for a variety of reasons, as I’m sure most people have been.
I wonder, tho, about the general lack of appreciation in our country about hand-made things. Does hand-made = homemade? Is homemade less worthy than store-bought? I once complimented a woman on her knitted scarf and asked if she knit it herself, and she looked at me as if I had just called her ugly.
I’d still give the neighbors a second chance.
Posted by: heather t
i have some funny memories of portland and diversity, maybe not so appropriate for posting in a comment. and i was skimming the comments and have to say i think the neighbors lack of reaction may be a combination of all the different theories…i guess in our world reaching out can be construed in many ways, as kindness or as something requiring payback. i do think your choice to give is a wonderfully generous thing. wish i was a neighbor, that bread looks delish and reminds me of my new york days. ahhhh, good bread and black and white cookies.
Posted by: mamie
Even though it’s hard to find the seams of Jewish/New York culture, you still find stuff like this sometimes: http://gothamist.com/2007/12/03/if_its_time_for.php
Crazy!
If you need some H bagels overnighted, just let me know. 🙂
Posted by: nipper jenn
Your bread looks beautiful, it would be most welcome here! Its a lovely idea to share the second loaf, really lovely.
Posted by: Sharon
I admire your philosophy about how you shouldn’t feel slighted by the “confused” neighbor’s response to your gift of bread. At the same time, I don’t get people who show no appreciation for the fact that someone gifted them with something that’s handmade. that’s why my in-laws are permanently off of my gets-handmade-gifts-for-holidays list.
In today’s society, where virtually everything is made by a corporation or a machine (or in China!), I feel that there should be some thanks and appreciate for the receipt of anything that’s handmade. But that’s just me.
I lurk frequently, and enjoy your blog!
Posted by: amy
Being half-Jewish myself (my father’s side), I totally get the Culturally-but-not-religiously-Jewish thing. And I really love that about Judaism. That I can still be a Jew and celebrate my culture even though I don’t go to temple, am not technically Jewish (my mother was Catholic and my father was Jewish) and don’t believe in the religion as such.
We celebrate Hanukkah and Passover right next to Christmas and Easter. And as a non-Christian myself, I feel more festive about the cultural holidays of Hanukkah and Passover than I do about the Christian ones.
And the food… oh.. the food!
Mmmm
Posted by: Miriam
Hi – I’m voting on the side of giving the less gracious neighbors another chance some time. Who know why they reacted the way they did? I have also been unintentionally less than gracious on occasion for a variety of reasons, as I’m sure most people have been.
I wonder, tho, about the general lack of appreciation in our country about hand-made things. Does hand-made = homemade? Is homemade less worthy than store-bought? I once complimented a woman on her knitted scarf and asked if she knit it herself, and she looked at me as if I had just called her ugly.
I’d still give the neighbors a second chance.
Posted by: heather t
i have some funny memories of portland and diversity, maybe not so appropriate for posting in a comment. and i was skimming the comments and have to say i think the neighbors lack of reaction may be a combination of all the different theories…i guess in our world reaching out can be construed in many ways, as kindness or as something requiring payback. i do think your choice to give is a wonderfully generous thing. wish i was a neighbor, that bread looks delish and reminds me of my new york days. ahhhh, good bread and black and white cookies.
Posted by: mamie
Sometimes we just need time to process something that seems unusual to us. I would have wondered over the reaction too. When I do something I think is nice and I get a funny reaction, I worry I have offended somehow.
Posted by: Laurie
Oh dear god, home-made challah?!? I wish I were your neighbor…
Ooo, and just curious, do you ever plan to post some of your “real-make-shit-up” writing, or can you direct us to somewhere you’ve published?
Posted by: nstssj
Almost everything comes with strings, whether we intend it or not. Learning how to deal with it is one of the great lessons of life, Cari. I often have to remind myself why I do things, because if I did them for the thanks (or the glory), I probably wouldn’t do them.
Posted by: Celia
That is honestly the one really great thing I took away from my experience living within the Orthodox community, is that I make one hell of a challah. I used to make it every week, and before I divorced, I had to teach my ex to make it. 🙂
In fact, the rolls I just posted on my blog are actually challah dough. Only…not exactly shaped as such 😉 (I swear to you I tried to make them look like knots. Really.)
I have a wonderful friend in Portland who is Jewish, and her husband converted before they were married. If you want me to put you in touch, I’d be happy to. They are both delightful people, and she knits 🙂
Posted by: Lee Ann
Good for you! I admire your commitment and perserverence. It’s a lot like knitting a gift for someone isn’t it? Lukewarm (or down right cold) reception means you never make another gift for someone else? The next time you provide food/warmth/kindness it could mean the world… Thanks for the reminder!
Posted by: Petra
I can almost smell and taste the bread in those pictures. I wish I was your neighbour!
Posted by: Bethany
There could be an entirely excusable, situational reason for them to behave the way they did.
For example, perhaps the neighbours with the cool reaction can’t eat gluten and they didn’t know how to tell you with out being rude in the face of your enthusiasm.
At least they returned the cutting board….
Posted by: LaurieM
Sometimes we just need time to process something that seems unusual to us. I would have wondered over the reaction too. When I do something I think is nice and I get a funny reaction, I worry I have offended somehow.
Posted by: Laurie
Oh dear god, home-made challah?!? I wish I were your neighbor…
Ooo, and just curious, do you ever plan to post some of your “real-make-shit-up” writing, or can you direct us to somewhere you’ve published?
Posted by: nstssj
Almost everything comes with strings, whether we intend it or not. Learning how to deal with it is one of the great lessons of life, Cari. I often have to remind myself why I do things, because if I did them for the thanks (or the glory), I probably wouldn’t do them.
Posted by: Celia
That is honestly the one really great thing I took away from my experience living within the Orthodox community, is that I make one hell of a challah. I used to make it every week, and before I divorced, I had to teach my ex to make it. 🙂
In fact, the rolls I just posted on my blog are actually challah dough. Only…not exactly shaped as such 😉 (I swear to you I tried to make them look like knots. Really.)
I have a wonderful friend in Portland who is Jewish, and her husband converted before they were married. If you want me to put you in touch, I’d be happy to. They are both delightful people, and she knits 🙂
Posted by: Lee Ann
Good for you! I admire your commitment and perserverence. It’s a lot like knitting a gift for someone isn’t it? Lukewarm (or down right cold) reception means you never make another gift for someone else? The next time you provide food/warmth/kindness it could mean the world… Thanks for the reminder!
Posted by: Petra
I can almost smell and taste the bread in those pictures. I wish I was your neighbour!
Posted by: Bethany
There could be an entirely excusable, situational reason for them to behave the way they did.
For example, perhaps the neighbours with the cool reaction can’t eat gluten and they didn’t know how to tell you with out being rude in the face of your enthusiasm.
At least they returned the cutting board….
Posted by: LaurieM
I have to admit to being confused as to why you would include the cutting board. So I’d be thrilled to have home-baked bread, but maybe it would show that I was wondering if I was supposed to return the board and towel, but bashful about asking. Maybe you could give me a loaf and see if that was the problem.
Posted by: Andi
If you came over here with bread, you’d be immediately asked in for tea and bread with jam.
Posted by: Heather
I don’t know what I would do if my neighbor suddenly brought me bread. Or what I would do if if happened more than once.
It it was someone I knew it would be exciting and fun. But if someone i hardly new just dropped by it might take me some time to warm up to the idea of this no stings thing. But it also makes me want to do something for someone just because. Kind of like passing it along.
Interesting. Welcome to Portland!
Posted by: Miss Purl
I’m known as the baker – both in my home and at the office. I often make my own bread and often find myself giving a half-loaf to my neighbour. She’s an empty-nest single mom so a half-loaf, easily made by putting two balls of dough in one breadpan, is the perfect size for her. She accepts all my baking with such gratitude and praise (sniffing and oohing) that it makes it hard to give my baking to anyone else!
I’ve got to do some baking this week. Perhaps I’ll get out of my comfort zone and take some over to another neighbour.
Posted by: Steph VW
When you give a gift you release it into the world – the decision to give – whether time or money or creation – is yours. And yes, we do things like that to be kind and generous and because it makes us feel good.
But once we release it into the world, its done with us, hard as it is to remember. I’d be tempted to not include that family again in any future bread gifting, but …I don’t know, you never know how something touches someone, not by their reaction, not by yours.
Maybe it meant something they can’t express, maybe to them it meant nothing – you can’t tell. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing.
I struggle with this myself – i think we all do. but anything that steps outside the closed off way we live in this country has got to be good.
Posted by: Juno
Asking for appreciation is not a “string attached”. It’s asking for someone to act neighborly and kind which a lot of people don’t know how to do anymore.
It’s like giving knitted items. I start with small items to see if they appreciate and take care of the item before I’ll give something big.
Posted by: Jayme
I have to admit to being confused as to why you would include the cutting board. So I’d be thrilled to have home-baked bread, but maybe it would show that I was wondering if I was supposed to return the board and towel, but bashful about asking. Maybe you could give me a loaf and see if that was the problem.
Posted by: Andi
If you came over here with bread, you’d be immediately asked in for tea and bread with jam.
Posted by: Heather
I don’t know what I would do if my neighbor suddenly brought me bread. Or what I would do if if happened more than once.
It it was someone I knew it would be exciting and fun. But if someone i hardly new just dropped by it might take me some time to warm up to the idea of this no stings thing. But it also makes me want to do something for someone just because. Kind of like passing it along.
Interesting. Welcome to Portland!
Posted by: Miss Purl
I’m known as the baker – both in my home and at the office. I often make my own bread and often find myself giving a half-loaf to my neighbour. She’s an empty-nest single mom so a half-loaf, easily made by putting two balls of dough in one breadpan, is the perfect size for her. She accepts all my baking with such gratitude and praise (sniffing and oohing) that it makes it hard to give my baking to anyone else!
I’ve got to do some baking this week. Perhaps I’ll get out of my comfort zone and take some over to another neighbour.
Posted by: Steph VW
When you give a gift you release it into the world – the decision to give – whether time or money or creation – is yours. And yes, we do things like that to be kind and generous and because it makes us feel good.
But once we release it into the world, its done with us, hard as it is to remember. I’d be tempted to not include that family again in any future bread gifting, but …I don’t know, you never know how something touches someone, not by their reaction, not by yours.
Maybe it meant something they can’t express, maybe to them it meant nothing – you can’t tell. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing.
I struggle with this myself – i think we all do. but anything that steps outside the closed off way we live in this country has got to be good.
Posted by: Juno
Asking for appreciation is not a “string attached”. It’s asking for someone to act neighborly and kind which a lot of people don’t know how to do anymore.
It’s like giving knitted items. I start with small items to see if they appreciate and take care of the item before I’ll give something big.
Posted by: Jayme
The first people you gave your precious CHALLAH LOAF probably got panicky that they had to reciprocate in kind. I remember when my family and I moved to a new Eugene neighborhood one September day. Come Christmas time, we gave out smoked salmon to our neighbors from all sides and NOT ONE RECIPROCATED WITH A THANK YOU. Imagine that! There was one house (across from me) that told me son, who happened to be delivery the salmon gift, that she wasn’t accepting SOLICITATION. Imagine that! Cari, I think as New Yorkers, we guard our feelings well; when we let our guards down to do kindness we get hurt in the process. In any case, I miss NYC and the food that I’ll never have here in Oregon. One is PIZZA! I miss challah bread too but, here in Eugene, there’s a guy who moved from NYC who owns a bakery named BARRY’S. And he makes challah bread. Mind you I’m not Jewish, but there’s something about NYC that everyone becomes ethnic in so many ways because of the food. Cari, I would love to have your homemade challah. One of these days, I will come up to Portland and meet you. Or, you can come down to Eugene and meet me and my family. BTW, I have finished the Traveling Vines Scarf, but hasn’t had a chance to block it. Thanks for the freebie pattern. I love it!
Posted by: oyama naku
your post reminds me of this vendanta lecture i attended with my husband last year–the swami was talking about how giving gifts can entrap us or something along those lines but the gist was that when we give, be sure of the intention, b/c if we expect a “thank you” or have a certain expectation for a thank you, then it’s not a true gift–it’s more about you than the intention or recipient.
with that said, it’s my dream to someday be surrounded by the kind of neighbors who would not only bake fresh bread, but bring extra over to me! on a board! with a tea towel! even if they didn’t like the bread (which wouldn’t be the case), returning your belongings in a timely manner should be expected.
people can be very weird. keep sending the bread and see what happens.
(but it’s still hard not to be hurt when recipients don’t share the same enthusiasm that you had in thinking up, making/buying, and giving the gift, esp. the handmade kind.)
Posted by: k
Perhaps the local synagogue has a list of elder or ill members who would be more than thankful to receive an occasional beautiful loaf of homemade challah.
When my children were in nursery school, the challah dough was prepared on Thursday (after supervised washing of the hands), it went into the refrigerator overnight, went through a second rising, shaping and baking on Friday morning in time for a school-wide blessing at noon. Some of the best we have ever eaten. This method may help with time constraints.
Posted by: PJ
I was riding my bike on NE Glisan yesterday and there was a minivan with lights on top of it. It made me think of your post. It was a lit-up menorah on the roof of the minivan. Now that’s something I never saw growing up in New Jersey. Lisa
Posted by: Lisa C
The challah looks so good. 🙂
Posted by: Jaime
The first people you gave your precious CHALLAH LOAF probably got panicky that they had to reciprocate in kind. I remember when my family and I moved to a new Eugene neighborhood one September day. Come Christmas time, we gave out smoked salmon to our neighbors from all sides and NOT ONE RECIPROCATED WITH A THANK YOU. Imagine that! There was one house (across from me) that told me son, who happened to be delivery the salmon gift, that she wasn’t accepting SOLICITATION. Imagine that! Cari, I think as New Yorkers, we guard our feelings well; when we let our guards down to do kindness we get hurt in the process. In any case, I miss NYC and the food that I’ll never have here in Oregon. One is PIZZA! I miss challah bread too but, here in Eugene, there’s a guy who moved from NYC who owns a bakery named BARRY’S. And he makes challah bread. Mind you I’m not Jewish, but there’s something about NYC that everyone becomes ethnic in so many ways because of the food. Cari, I would love to have your homemade challah. One of these days, I will come up to Portland and meet you. Or, you can come down to Eugene and meet me and my family. BTW, I have finished the Traveling Vines Scarf, but hasn’t had a chance to block it. Thanks for the freebie pattern. I love it!
Posted by: oyama naku
your post reminds me of this vendanta lecture i attended with my husband last year–the swami was talking about how giving gifts can entrap us or something along those lines but the gist was that when we give, be sure of the intention, b/c if we expect a “thank you” or have a certain expectation for a thank you, then it’s not a true gift–it’s more about you than the intention or recipient.
with that said, it’s my dream to someday be surrounded by the kind of neighbors who would not only bake fresh bread, but bring extra over to me! on a board! with a tea towel! even if they didn’t like the bread (which wouldn’t be the case), returning your belongings in a timely manner should be expected.
people can be very weird. keep sending the bread and see what happens.
(but it’s still hard not to be hurt when recipients don’t share the same enthusiasm that you had in thinking up, making/buying, and giving the gift, esp. the handmade kind.)
Posted by: k
Perhaps the local synagogue has a list of elder or ill members who would be more than thankful to receive an occasional beautiful loaf of homemade challah.
When my children were in nursery school, the challah dough was prepared on Thursday (after supervised washing of the hands), it went into the refrigerator overnight, went through a second rising, shaping and baking on Friday morning in time for a school-wide blessing at noon. Some of the best we have ever eaten. This method may help with time constraints.
Posted by: PJ
I was riding my bike on NE Glisan yesterday and there was a minivan with lights on top of it. It made me think of your post. It was a lit-up menorah on the roof of the minivan. Now that’s something I never saw growing up in New Jersey. Lisa
Posted by: Lisa C
The challah looks so good. 🙂
Posted by: Jaime