Fragment #1

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Chipped diner mug, heavy white ceramic and a rough spot at the rim, barely noticeable until your lip hits it on the first sip. Weak diner coffee, three a.m. and then that unexpected roughness against your bottom lip and isnÂ’t that just the way it goes and donÂ’t you deserve it, really, that small indignity, that secret discomfort of chipped ceramic at your mouth so far from home and so late at night, greasy fries on the greasy Formica in front of you and the wrong girl across the table. Melanie gazes out the window with those dead fish eyes of hers and her lipstick smudged to a bruise across her mouth and cheek. Red webbed mark across her temple from where she slept against the seatbelt.

You should be back in Jersey, asleep in bed with Beth anyway, so a chipped coffee mug is nothing youÂ’ve got a right to complain about. Drink up. Eat up. Fries getting colder and MelanieÂ’s half dead across the table from you, forehead tilting toward her uneaten burger. YouÂ’ve got half a mind to leave her there. YouÂ’ve got a half a mind to get up and go. You know you wonÂ’t. YouÂ’ll think about it, but you wonÂ’t. Come this far, and on fumes the last few miles and now thereÂ’s weak coffee, bad diner food, a fill-up and nothing to do but keep going.

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92 Comments on “Fragment #1”

  1. I like it. Ther’es such a sens of place. I can practically smell it.
    ~x~
    Posted by: Jane in Camden

  2. I like it. Ther’es such a sens of place. I can practically smell it.
    ~x~
    Posted by: Jane in Camden

  3. (although I apparently can’t punctuate correctly today).
    Posted by: Jane in Camden

  4. Oh, I like it, it’s like watching a photo or a postcard…it makes me think in a Hopper’s picture (Nighthawks, to be exactly).
    Posted by: Lía

  5. What a beautiful piece of writing. Clear, sharp ,and moving at the same time. Your own voice, but so different from your blog voice – and also so different from your voice in the story you have written. But that is a writer’s gift, isn’t it, this chamaleontic quality I think it will be easier for us (your blog’s readers!) to relate to you as a writer now that we have bits of your writing floating in your blog. Thanks, Barbara
    Posted by: barbara

  6. I’d love to see where you go with this. You’ve definitely set a scene, a mood, and already we know some important things about the character. And it flows very well.
    Posted by: Anna

  7. Like Anna, I’m curious about what’s next. I really enjoy the particular details in your writing.
    Posted by: beverly

  8. Yep, I’d like to keep on reading please….
    I can feel that chip on my lip….
    Posted by: Carmen

  9. (although I apparently can’t punctuate correctly today).
    Posted by: Jane in Camden

  10. Oh, I like it, it’s like watching a photo or a postcard…it makes me think in a Hopper’s picture (Nighthawks, to be exactly).
    Posted by: Lía

  11. What a beautiful piece of writing. Clear, sharp ,and moving at the same time. Your own voice, but so different from your blog voice – and also so different from your voice in the story you have written. But that is a writer’s gift, isn’t it, this chamaleontic quality I think it will be easier for us (your blog’s readers!) to relate to you as a writer now that we have bits of your writing floating in your blog. Thanks, Barbara
    Posted by: barbara

  12. I’d love to see where you go with this. You’ve definitely set a scene, a mood, and already we know some important things about the character. And it flows very well.
    Posted by: Anna

  13. Like Anna, I’m curious about what’s next. I really enjoy the particular details in your writing.
    Posted by: beverly

  14. Yep, I’d like to keep on reading please….
    I can feel that chip on my lip….
    Posted by: Carmen

  16. The writing is beautiful — the scattered thoughts, the feeling of indignation moving to resignation, the futility. It’s very sensually written so I can hear, see, smell the scene.

    I do feel like this scene is vaguely familiar though. That it has been in movies I’ve seen and books that I have read, so I’m really interested to see how you take it somewhere unexpected and new.

    I’m going to go back to lurking now. I’m looking forward to reading more!
    Posted by: becky

  17. With a holiday yesterday, today is my Monday and this was an unexpected surprise in my blog reading before my work day begins.

    The moody snap shot was all I need. Rather like a truffle that can be savored, the flavors lingering. Sure, you could follow up with more but I’m nicely content with two simple, heavy paragraphs.
    Posted by: jody

  18. WOW!! That is great! I am so impressed. I love it. I want to know why is he with Melanie and not Beth? What happened? I know this is just supposed to be fragments. Sorry! Can you tell I am the one at the end of the book or movie that doesn’t answer all your question fuming and screaming “WHAT NEXT?????”

    BTW, about the 2 socks on Circs. One of the things that helped is that my yarn was striping yarn. So each ball had a different color coming out. I also took time after each round (where both needles were free,) to straighten out the yarn. I used the book, Knitting Circles around Socks by Antje Gillingham. As I was knitting, I thought that it might be easier to knit each sock in a diffferent color the first time to help with the tangling. I don’t know if that helps or even makes sense. Have a great day!!
    Posted by: KaKi

  19. Thank you. This is an inspirational start to a day I hope to spend on my own writing. This was a very evocative scene, I felt as if I could have been watching them from across the room.
    Posted by: Faith

  20. Love the imagery – I felt like I was immersed in a whole other world, with buzzing fluorescents in a bad diner. The description of Melanie was so vivid, too – nice work.

    I’d also like to say I like the brief snippet. Other writers/bloggers I’ve read post looooong excerpts,a dn they’re too hard to digest as I read blogs on the run. The length of this piece was perfect. Hope to see more! 🙂
    Posted by: JennaKate

  22. The writing is beautiful — the scattered thoughts, the feeling of indignation moving to resignation, the futility. It’s very sensually written so I can hear, see, smell the scene.

    I do feel like this scene is vaguely familiar though. That it has been in movies I’ve seen and books that I have read, so I’m really interested to see how you take it somewhere unexpected and new.

    I’m going to go back to lurking now. I’m looking forward to reading more!
    Posted by: becky

  23. With a holiday yesterday, today is my Monday and this was an unexpected surprise in my blog reading before my work day begins.

    The moody snap shot was all I need. Rather like a truffle that can be savored, the flavors lingering. Sure, you could follow up with more but I’m nicely content with two simple, heavy paragraphs.
    Posted by: jody

  24. WOW!! That is great! I am so impressed. I love it. I want to know why is he with Melanie and not Beth? What happened? I know this is just supposed to be fragments. Sorry! Can you tell I am the one at the end of the book or movie that doesn’t answer all your question fuming and screaming “WHAT NEXT?????”

    BTW, about the 2 socks on Circs. One of the things that helped is that my yarn was striping yarn. So each ball had a different color coming out. I also took time after each round (where both needles were free,) to straighten out the yarn. I used the book, Knitting Circles around Socks by Antje Gillingham. As I was knitting, I thought that it might be easier to knit each sock in a diffferent color the first time to help with the tangling. I don’t know if that helps or even makes sense. Have a great day!!
    Posted by: KaKi

  25. Thank you. This is an inspirational start to a day I hope to spend on my own writing. This was a very evocative scene, I felt as if I could have been watching them from across the room.
    Posted by: Faith

  26. Love the imagery – I felt like I was immersed in a whole other world, with buzzing fluorescents in a bad diner. The description of Melanie was so vivid, too – nice work.

    I’d also like to say I like the brief snippet. Other writers/bloggers I’ve read post looooong excerpts,a dn they’re too hard to digest as I read blogs on the run. The length of this piece was perfect. Hope to see more! 🙂
    Posted by: JennaKate

  27. Ohhh. That’s good. I want to read the book now…
    Posted by: Sarah

  29. You know you are going to get tons of feedback on your writing posts now, right? 🙂

    Nice job, very moody, I can feel the scene and put myself in the narrator’s seat.
    Posted by: heather t

  31. Knitting blogs be damned, (I already read about 40 anyway) keep up the fragments!! I loved it and it made a nice change of pace from my usual blog reading.
    Posted by: Karen

  32. Brava! I’m a long-time lurker, but had to comment. Your writing is wonderful… More, please.
    Posted by: Camille

  33. Ohhh. That’s good. I want to read the book now…
    Posted by: Sarah

  35. You know you are going to get tons of feedback on your writing posts now, right? 🙂

    Nice job, very moody, I can feel the scene and put myself in the narrator’s seat.
    Posted by: heather t

  37. Knitting blogs be damned, (I already read about 40 anyway) keep up the fragments!! I loved it and it made a nice change of pace from my usual blog reading.
    Posted by: Karen

  38. Brava! I’m a long-time lurker, but had to comment. Your writing is wonderful… More, please.
    Posted by: Camille

  39. What happens? It’s good and drew me in. Now I wanna know what happends.
    Posted by: Lynda

  40. Oooh, second person (am I right? you do this, you do that? second person?) stuff is really hard for me to accept…I tend to shy away from it as seeming…um…too arty?…too pretentious?…somehow too artificial.

    But this had me sucked in by the second paragraph. Why this girl? Where are they headed? Is the “you” male or female? Why do I keep thinking they are heading for an abortion? (Weird, I know, but that’s what came into my mind…)

    Good stuff.
    Posted by: Sarah R

  41. Nice. Made me think of the diner in Five Easy Pieces. I see movies in my head all the time, so this is a good thing.
    Posted by: Dr. Steph

  42. Holy Cow! This is amazing. Seriously. I love your writing. I just do.
    Posted by: Rebecca

  43. “..and the wrong girl across the table.” Love it. It’s like a little knife.
    Posted by: Lizbon

  44. What happens? It’s good and drew me in. Now I wanna know what happends.
    Posted by: Lynda

  45. Oooh, second person (am I right? you do this, you do that? second person?) stuff is really hard for me to accept…I tend to shy away from it as seeming…um…too arty?…too pretentious?…somehow too artificial.

    But this had me sucked in by the second paragraph. Why this girl? Where are they headed? Is the “you” male or female? Why do I keep thinking they are heading for an abortion? (Weird, I know, but that’s what came into my mind…)

    Good stuff.
    Posted by: Sarah R

  46. Nice. Made me think of the diner in Five Easy Pieces. I see movies in my head all the time, so this is a good thing.
    Posted by: Dr. Steph

  47. Holy Cow! This is amazing. Seriously. I love your writing. I just do.
    Posted by: Rebecca

  48. “..and the wrong girl across the table.” Love it. It’s like a little knife.
    Posted by: Lizbon

  49. Nice! I want to keep reading. I love the opening line.
    Posted by: Knittripps

  51. Wow, that´s an awesome piece of writing. A picture just popped into my head reading that.

    Would love to read more.

    Greetings from a longtime lurker
    Posted by: Samira

  54. So vivid!
    Posted by: Susan (Hyperactive Hands)

  55. Nice! I want to keep reading. I love the opening line.
    Posted by: Knittripps

  57. Wow, that´s an awesome piece of writing. A picture just popped into my head reading that.

    Would love to read more.

    Greetings from a longtime lurker
    Posted by: Samira

  60. So vivid!
    Posted by: Susan (Hyperactive Hands)

  61. Hmm. Reminds me of going on tour. Not the kind with roadies & such. But the kind where a whole bunch of people pile into a beaten up van.

    In my head Melanie is the charasmatic lead singer, but offstage is an otherwise vapid individual.
    Posted by: Megan

  62. Hmm. Reminds me of going on tour. Not the kind with roadies & such. But the kind where a whole bunch of people pile into a beaten up van.

    In my head Melanie is the charasmatic lead singer, but offstage is an otherwise vapid individual.
    Posted by: Megan

  63. That coffee, it’s got a sweetness to it, but not a sugar-type sweetness. It’s more the sweetness of freeze-drying, a cold sort of slightly plastic, slightly (but not too) chemical sweetness. Like cardboard,if you’ve ever spent a lot of time in an enclosed space with cardboard (I worked for a little while in a box factory). It has the same sweetness, although I’m not sure that sweetness is at all the right word here, for either.

    Also, this is wonderful, and hopelessly bleak in that empty-stomach-feeling way. Thank you.
    Posted by: jodi

  64. i love this! makes me want to know more about what’s going on with them.
    Posted by: Cambria

  65. Oh, interesting fragment! Can’t wait for more – your descriptions are SO vivid I feel like I’m sitting at the next table.
    Posted by: Emily

  66. oh, fragments! my favourite! thank you, i really enjoyed reading it, could almost smell the cold fries.
    Posted by: marti

  67. Hmm. Reminds me of going on tour. Not the kind with roadies & such. But the kind where a whole bunch of people pile into a beaten up van.

    In my head Melanie is the charasmatic lead singer, but offstage is an otherwise vapid individual.
    Posted by: Megan

  68. Hmm. Reminds me of going on tour. Not the kind with roadies & such. But the kind where a whole bunch of people pile into a beaten up van.

    In my head Melanie is the charasmatic lead singer, but offstage is an otherwise vapid individual.
    Posted by: Megan

  69. That coffee, it’s got a sweetness to it, but not a sugar-type sweetness. It’s more the sweetness of freeze-drying, a cold sort of slightly plastic, slightly (but not too) chemical sweetness. Like cardboard,if you’ve ever spent a lot of time in an enclosed space with cardboard (I worked for a little while in a box factory). It has the same sweetness, although I’m not sure that sweetness is at all the right word here, for either.

    Also, this is wonderful, and hopelessly bleak in that empty-stomach-feeling way. Thank you.
    Posted by: jodi

  70. i love this! makes me want to know more about what’s going on with them.
    Posted by: Cambria

  71. Oh, interesting fragment! Can’t wait for more – your descriptions are SO vivid I feel like I’m sitting at the next table.
    Posted by: Emily

  72. oh, fragments! my favourite! thank you, i really enjoyed reading it, could almost smell the cold fries.
    Posted by: marti

  75. Where are they going? To what end?

    Melanie seems young but weary at the same time- the creasemarks on her cheek but the smear of lipstick, innocent in her sleepiness, promiscuous because she is out late at night with a man who should be with someone else.

    Lovely writing. I had a sense of the place and of the people.
    Posted by: abby

  80. Where are they going? To what end?

    Melanie seems young but weary at the same time- the creasemarks on her cheek but the smear of lipstick, innocent in her sleepiness, promiscuous because she is out late at night with a man who should be with someone else.

    Lovely writing. I had a sense of the place and of the people.
    Posted by: abby

  83. ….”and the wrong girl across the table….”

    genius.
    Posted by: john

  84. I love the second sentence in the first paragraph. The imagery is great… I want to learn more about the characters, how they got there, what choices were made that led them to that place, choosing not to complain about the chipped mug, choosing not to do anything about the wrong girl. What is going on with the girl? Why is she so out of it?

    Have you ever read Waiting by Ha Jin? It is an interesting study of what happens when you don’t act on something you feel strongly about.

    Anyway, I enjoy your blog and am excited to see what you post next.
    Posted by: Jen S.

  85. catching up here. as another reader noted, I like the fact that this is not ‘just’ a knitting blog – I have no children of my own but love hearing about yours; not a writer but I enjoy hearing about your process (still waiting on ‘drowning’???) – don’t know where you’re going with this – hope it’s going to be kind of a serialized thing – although some can be content with the 2 paragraphs it seems like a lot of us want more. demanding bunch of lurkers we are!
    Posted by: robin

  86. OK, I’m hooked too. I’d love to read more…I’m intrigued!!
    Posted by: pam

  88. ….”and the wrong girl across the table….”

    genius.
    Posted by: john

  89. I love the second sentence in the first paragraph. The imagery is great… I want to learn more about the characters, how they got there, what choices were made that led them to that place, choosing not to complain about the chipped mug, choosing not to do anything about the wrong girl. What is going on with the girl? Why is she so out of it?

    Have you ever read Waiting by Ha Jin? It is an interesting study of what happens when you don’t act on something you feel strongly about.

    Anyway, I enjoy your blog and am excited to see what you post next.
    Posted by: Jen S.

  90. catching up here. as another reader noted, I like the fact that this is not ‘just’ a knitting blog – I have no children of my own but love hearing about yours; not a writer but I enjoy hearing about your process (still waiting on ‘drowning’???) – don’t know where you’re going with this – hope it’s going to be kind of a serialized thing – although some can be content with the 2 paragraphs it seems like a lot of us want more. demanding bunch of lurkers we are!
    Posted by: robin

  91. OK, I’m hooked too. I’d love to read more…I’m intrigued!!
    Posted by: pam