Fragment #3

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I was, letÂ’s seeÂ…seven at the time? Eight? 1925, so I guessÂ… eight. I was eight and my brother Ronny, he was ten or thereabouts. Miranda was just five. I do remember that, because thatÂ’s as old as she got. We lived at the coast then, weÂ’d just moved there some months before so Daddy could work the docks in Astoria.

So that day, this one day out playing by the water and we were playing hide and go seek. Ronny was it and he found me right away, but Miranda hid so good we couldnÂ’t find her at all and it was coming on dark and the two of us figured sheÂ’d headed the two blocks or so back to the house to hide there and we went on home. There was this rundown old shack of a thing at the beach there, I should tell you that straight out. And come to find out when she didnÂ’t come home and all the men of the neighborhood go out looking for her with lanterns lit and calling her name, Miranda! Miranda! And Mama rushing through the streets too, the women too rushing around, calling Miranda! Miranda! Well, that girl had gone and wiggled herself into a hole underneath that shack, and must have fell asleep there waiting for us to find her and then the tide come in.

None of us were much for the water after that and we never did any of us learn to swim. But my mother had another daughter after that, another girl with red hair and blue eyes, so it all worked out alright.

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56 Comments on “Fragment #3”

  1. Wow–a lot is communicated, with a lot of strong images, in this short piece. I love the way it so simply states: “I do remember that, because that’s as old as she got.”–Haunting. That’s the voice here–haunting, in the way of Carson McCullers.
    Posted by: nstssj

  2. Not sure where you’re going with this, but I would turn the page and keep reading.
    Posted by: Katie

  4. Wow–a lot is communicated, with a lot of strong images, in this short piece. I love the way it so simply states: “I do remember that, because that’s as old as she got.”–Haunting. That’s the voice here–haunting, in the way of Carson McCullers.
    Posted by: nstssj

  5. Not sure where you’re going with this, but I would turn the page and keep reading.
    Posted by: Katie

  8. I like how the long sentences with sparse commas give the sense of the long, rambling thoughts of the speaker — like she is trying to remember it all.

    And, at the risk of this coming out wrong, I like how daddy working on the docks, the language use, and how mother had another girl so it all worked out alright all come together to form a simplicity of mindset that I know I imagine when I think of olden, blue-collar times. Life is hard, but we get through.
    Posted by: becky

  9. I’m loving these little quick reads – it makes me very anxious for the next one!
    Posted by: Rebecca

  10. Really strong, compelling voice in this. So much packed into so few words!
    Posted by: beverly

  11. I’m lovin’ these. I would seriously read a bookful of 1-2 pagers like this.
    Posted by: Sandra

  12. Another set of intriguing characters! You nailed the voice! It was like I wasn’t even reading but listening to someone talk. I’d love to find out this family’s sordid secrets. 😉
    Posted by: Anna

  14. I like how the long sentences with sparse commas give the sense of the long, rambling thoughts of the speaker — like she is trying to remember it all.

    And, at the risk of this coming out wrong, I like how daddy working on the docks, the language use, and how mother had another girl so it all worked out alright all come together to form a simplicity of mindset that I know I imagine when I think of olden, blue-collar times. Life is hard, but we get through.
    Posted by: becky

  15. I’m loving these little quick reads – it makes me very anxious for the next one!
    Posted by: Rebecca

  16. Really strong, compelling voice in this. So much packed into so few words!
    Posted by: beverly

  17. I’m lovin’ these. I would seriously read a bookful of 1-2 pagers like this.
    Posted by: Sandra

  18. Another set of intriguing characters! You nailed the voice! It was like I wasn’t even reading but listening to someone talk. I’d love to find out this family’s sordid secrets. 😉
    Posted by: Anna

  21. That last line is chilling, “…so it all worked out alright.”

    What a way to sum up a tragedy. I also noticed that you never mention the speaker’s sex, but I have a feeling he’s male and I don’t like him.

    Do I even need to tell you I think it’s good?
    Posted by: LaurieM

  22. I love the voice of this character. The narrative flow is also wonderful-reading it is effortless. I hope you’ll develop this fragment further!
    Posted by: Jen

  23. oooooo! I would turn the page. Your fragments leave me wanting more.
    Posted by: Janet

  24. Wow…keep it coming! I hope you enjoy these exercises and much as I enjoy reading them.
    Posted by: Knittripps

  27. That last line is chilling, “…so it all worked out alright.”

    What a way to sum up a tragedy. I also noticed that you never mention the speaker’s sex, but I have a feeling he’s male and I don’t like him.

    Do I even need to tell you I think it’s good?
    Posted by: LaurieM

  28. I love the voice of this character. The narrative flow is also wonderful-reading it is effortless. I hope you’ll develop this fragment further!
    Posted by: Jen

  29. oooooo! I would turn the page. Your fragments leave me wanting more.
    Posted by: Janet

  30. Wow…keep it coming! I hope you enjoy these exercises and much as I enjoy reading them.
    Posted by: Knittripps

  31. Loved you r fragment. It was like the voice of it had a distinct dialect.
    Posted by: Martha

  34. Love this. But unlike the commenter above, I felt as though this was a girl talking…don’t know why. In fact, you’d think with the “it turned out alright” I’d think it was a boy.

    Good stuff.
    Posted by: Sarah R

  36. Loved you r fragment. It was like the voice of it had a distinct dialect.
    Posted by: Martha

  39. Love this. But unlike the commenter above, I felt as though this was a girl talking…don’t know why. In fact, you’d think with the “it turned out alright” I’d think it was a boy.

    Good stuff.
    Posted by: Sarah R

  42. Great voice. My anticipation was tentative until near the end because I didn’t trust that she could keep track of a subject. Well done. More, more.
    Posted by: Angie

  44. “…because that’s as old as she got.” Oooof.
    Posted by: Lizbon

  48. Great voice. My anticipation was tentative until near the end because I didn’t trust that she could keep track of a subject. Well done. More, more.
    Posted by: Angie

  50. “…because that’s as old as she got.” Oooof.
    Posted by: Lizbon

  53. How sad. Makes me want to hold onto my babies and never let them go.
    Posted by: Michele

  54. Wow…I gasped out loud. I want to read what comes next.
    Posted by: Minneapolismama

  55. How sad. Makes me want to hold onto my babies and never let them go.
    Posted by: Michele

  56. Wow…I gasped out loud. I want to read what comes next.
    Posted by: Minneapolismama