Fragment #4
Out on the street was the cool clean air of spring and everyone with that Saturday night bounce to their step. Another few hours and that slick edge of promise would be smudged and run. But for now there was still that impending sense that this could be it. This could be the night that changes everything. She could see it written on the faces around her. The eager way lips met cigarettes and hands reached for hands on the street.
Ahead of them a girl in a blue prom dress broke away from the group she walked with and stumbled out into the middle of the street. The back of her dress was torn where she or someone else had stepped on the cheap taffeta. She may have begun to rethink the decision to wear the dress for a night of bar hopping. She may have simply been hoping someone would come along with a tiara. Or a chariot. Or another beer. She stretched out her arms and spun there, centered on a manhole cover, spinning and spinning, one small breast breaking free from the taffeta and following her in joyful bouncing arcs. The traffic light bathed her skin in green and she was almost beautiful. When a friend grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back to the safety of the sidewalk, everyone had to blink once or twice to regain their bearings.
Backing up, to toileting. Despite what you fear, the topic is endlessly fascinating. There are so many variations regarding timing. It’s amazing that everyone, pretty much, learns eventually to control those functions. (Until one becomes very, very old – have I mentioned that my mother lives with us?)
Posted by: Mary K. in Rockport
Another interesting scene. I’d love to know more about the girl in the prom dress and why she chose that for bar hopping. You create very interesting characters.
Posted by: Anna
Backing up, to toileting. Despite what you fear, the topic is endlessly fascinating. There are so many variations regarding timing. It’s amazing that everyone, pretty much, learns eventually to control those functions. (Until one becomes very, very old – have I mentioned that my mother lives with us?)
Posted by: Mary K. in Rockport
Another interesting scene. I’d love to know more about the girl in the prom dress and why she chose that for bar hopping. You create very interesting characters.
Posted by: Anna
“never so much joy to be found in the tavern as on the road thereto.” – Blood Meridian. (I probably don’t have it quite right.)
Posted by: sutton
I love your fragments! They make me think about what the rest of story might be. You are so lucky with the pottying. I wish my kids would have asked to go like that! Maybe it is more of a boy thing. I had to do away with diapers to get my oldest to potty train and I may have to do the same to get the younger one to do it.
Posted by: Kathy
The line about eager lips meeting cigarettes is absolute poetry…. it’s a wonderful image.
Thank you for sharing your work with us.
Posted by: camille
Thank you once again for sharing. I can clearly picture the scene and for me it was an amusing one, a little gritty too, but amusing.
Posted by: Knittripps
Thank you for the fragments! I’ve really been enjoying them. This one resounds for me. It’s a bit of the magical in what appears to be the mundane. Love it!
Posted by: adiel
“never so much joy to be found in the tavern as on the road thereto.” – Blood Meridian. (I probably don’t have it quite right.)
Posted by: sutton
I love your fragments! They make me think about what the rest of story might be. You are so lucky with the pottying. I wish my kids would have asked to go like that! Maybe it is more of a boy thing. I had to do away with diapers to get my oldest to potty train and I may have to do the same to get the younger one to do it.
Posted by: Kathy
The line about eager lips meeting cigarettes is absolute poetry…. it’s a wonderful image.
Thank you for sharing your work with us.
Posted by: camille
Thank you once again for sharing. I can clearly picture the scene and for me it was an amusing one, a little gritty too, but amusing.
Posted by: Knittripps
Thank you for the fragments! I’ve really been enjoying them. This one resounds for me. It’s a bit of the magical in what appears to be the mundane. Love it!
Posted by: adiel
The words “the eager way lips met cigarettes and hands reached for hands” have a sensuality about them, and convey the feeling of something physical about to happen….
Posted by: Carmen
Wishing for a modern Prince Charming?
Posted by: Riin
The words “the eager way lips met cigarettes and hands reached for hands” have a sensuality about them, and convey the feeling of something physical about to happen….
Posted by: Carmen
Wishing for a modern Prince Charming?
Posted by: Riin