Frankly, Mom, I’m shocked by the appalling lack of blogging
Sigh. It’s hard to remember to blog when the days run together, isn’t it? Let’s see…what’s been going on…
Thumper is now two months old. I swear he grows a little bit every time I nurse him (and we nurse A LOT). He now bats at the toys overhead when hanging out on his play mat and amuses himself by chattering to the ceiling fan over our bed. The ceiling fan races are quite exciting, apparently. We like to nurse in bed and then watch the fan for a while. Great fun.
This past weekend I finally got my hair done, so I look like myself again. Cherry red with mulberry low lights. I’ll maybe take a picture of it this weekend, when Billy can hold the baby while I actually take the time to wash my hair. (My birthday is this Sunday. Surely even moms are entitled to clean hair on their birthdays.) The hair salon visit on Saturday was my first separation from Thumper. He and Billy dropped me off at the salon and then walked two big blocks away from me to the Hudson River. They hung out there until I was done. (I didn’t want the baby around the hair dye fumes at the shop.) It was all of two hours apart, but I was nervous the whole time even though he was in excellent daddy hands.
Other than that big excitement, it’s just been a blur of diapers and spit-up and kisses and giggles and a rather crusty case of cradle cap. I did two freelance jobs in the past three weeks and so now the next two weeks will be all about novel revisions when the baby naps.
The novel…oy vey. When my agent took me on last year, she and I disagreed about two MAJOR aspects of the book. I stood my ground and she agreed to send it out as it was, because she believed in the strength of my writing. (I love this woman.) Well…it went out to editors and it didn’t sell. And now, with that awful clarity that time and distance give you, I can see that she was right all along. The revisions are going to bring the book in line with the direction she wanted for it nearly a year ago. I could kick myself and say that if only I’d listened better and trusted this very experienced professional, the book would have sold the first time round and I wouldn’t have to take freelance right now. I’d just be raising Thumper and working on the next book–the book I abandoned in order to do these revisions. I mean, I landed a serious first-class agent (she represents Michael Cunningham, Julia Glass, Ursula Hegi, Scott Turow… and…uh… me. Yes, I do pinch myself every once in a while and it seems I am mostly awake.) and yet I couldn’t take her feedback?
I wasn’t ready to hear that two aspects of the book that I dearly loved weren’t working. I can’t beat myself up for that. It was necessary for me to go through the experience of collecting those rejections before I could come to terms with the work I now have ahead of me. Not only CAN I do it, I’m actually excited to do it. It will be a stronger book when I’m done. The collateral damage? Well, remember this tattoo of the first line of the novel?
That line has been cut.
Whoops. Next time I won’t tattoo anything until the book has shipped to the printer. I still love that line, and it’s a damn good reminder of the lessons learned (and yet to be learned) with this first novel.
And now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to it.
Sigh. I do relate. I am revising now too. It is hard to give up (read: cut)such intimate parts of ourselves…but usually we have to prune in order to preserve the strenght. Try not to beat yourself up, it is one of those lessons all of us writers gotta learn.
Thumper’s looking particularly handsome.
Posted by: Juliette
Sigh. I do relate. I am revising now too. It is hard to give up (read: cut)such intimate parts of ourselves…but usually we have to prune in order to preserve the strenght. Try not to beat yourself up, it is one of those lessons all of us writers gotta learn.
Thumper’s looking particularly handsome.
Posted by: Juliette
Oh, the irony of it all. Hope the revisions do the trick. I’m still waiting to read this novel!
Posted by: Carole
I have to admit, that line bothered me. Although I love the fact that you tattooed it on your leg.
Posted by: Martha
But I’ve still seen way, way worse tattoos than that. Tiny cartoon dolphin jumping over three wavy lines representing the ocean, anyone? At least your penmanship is flawless.
Posted by: sarah
Oof, *I* feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. You know I loved that line. And despite it all, I am proud that you stuck to your guns the first time around and defended the choices you had made, even though Dream Agent was right in the end.
Posted by: Michelle
I love that line too! Furthermore, I think it’s completely appropriate that it’s tattooed on your leg. Now it’s not lost forever, but memorialized.
Posted by: melanie
Well, maybe its placement is awfully public, but…lessons, transience of meaning & language, etc.
Posted by: spaazlicious
Everything I want to say sounds trite. I’m glad you’re doing the revisions you want to do and that you’re excited by writing, Thumper and life (still sorta trite, but heartfelt!)
Posted by: Steph
Oh, the irony of it all. Hope the revisions do the trick. I’m still waiting to read this novel!
Posted by: Carole
I have to admit, that line bothered me. Although I love the fact that you tattooed it on your leg.
Posted by: Martha
But I’ve still seen way, way worse tattoos than that. Tiny cartoon dolphin jumping over three wavy lines representing the ocean, anyone? At least your penmanship is flawless.
Posted by: sarah
Oof, *I* feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. You know I loved that line. And despite it all, I am proud that you stuck to your guns the first time around and defended the choices you had made, even though Dream Agent was right in the end.
Posted by: Michelle
I love that line too! Furthermore, I think it’s completely appropriate that it’s tattooed on your leg. Now it’s not lost forever, but memorialized.
Posted by: melanie
Well, maybe its placement is awfully public, but…lessons, transience of meaning & language, etc.
Posted by: spaazlicious
Everything I want to say sounds trite. I’m glad you’re doing the revisions you want to do and that you’re excited by writing, Thumper and life (still sorta trite, but heartfelt!)
Posted by: Steph
Had you simply made the revisions the first time around, you may well have driven yourself crazy with the “what if…” questions. You tried it one way, now you’ll go back and revise and try it another way. Though it may be taking longer than you had originally planned, at least things are still on track with your agent.
I can’t believe Thumper is only two months old! He’s such a beauty, and i’m still looking quite forward to squeezing him. Not too hard, i promise.
Posted by: regina
But I LOVE that line…
when you are famous, you can use it again.
maxly
Posted by: maxly
On a lighter note, we called the ceiling fan the baby t.v. I could leave them in the middle of the bed in the carseat while I took a shower and they never stopped staring. We first learned of the magnetic pull of the fan at a restaurant.
Posted by: alison
two months? (I am tempted to write “really?” but I did that when he was a month old, so I’ll resist.)
That first line met all of my not-professional-at-all criteria for a great opener: didn’t start with an “I” or a name, wasn’t a question and pushed (or dared?) me to read on. Honestly? I had hoped that the last line of your book would make for a wonderful complete thought when I read the first line and last line in succession.
good luck with the revisions (revision = vision/visualize again?) and freelance work.
Posted by: Kristen
Gah, I *love* the baby! And I’m sorry about the rewrite. Never be sorry about the tattoo.
Posted by: Ande
I love that tattoo. It is nice that the line will still be somewhere, even if not in the novel.
Thumper = perfectly adorable.
Good luck with revisions!
Posted by: Carrie
I’m having such a moment right now, thinking of how lucky I am to have known you pre-book and during book, pre-baby and during baby, to call you my girl.
Happy birthday, darlin’.
Posted by: Rachael
Thumper looks a lot like you. Have a Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Karen
Had you simply made the revisions the first time around, you may well have driven yourself crazy with the “what if…” questions. You tried it one way, now you’ll go back and revise and try it another way. Though it may be taking longer than you had originally planned, at least things are still on track with your agent.
I can’t believe Thumper is only two months old! He’s such a beauty, and i’m still looking quite forward to squeezing him. Not too hard, i promise.
Posted by: regina
But I LOVE that line…
when you are famous, you can use it again.
maxly
Posted by: maxly
On a lighter note, we called the ceiling fan the baby t.v. I could leave them in the middle of the bed in the carseat while I took a shower and they never stopped staring. We first learned of the magnetic pull of the fan at a restaurant.
Posted by: alison
two months? (I am tempted to write “really?” but I did that when he was a month old, so I’ll resist.)
That first line met all of my not-professional-at-all criteria for a great opener: didn’t start with an “I” or a name, wasn’t a question and pushed (or dared?) me to read on. Honestly? I had hoped that the last line of your book would make for a wonderful complete thought when I read the first line and last line in succession.
good luck with the revisions (revision = vision/visualize again?) and freelance work.
Posted by: Kristen
Gah, I *love* the baby! And I’m sorry about the rewrite. Never be sorry about the tattoo.
Posted by: Ande
I love that tattoo. It is nice that the line will still be somewhere, even if not in the novel.
Thumper = perfectly adorable.
Good luck with revisions!
Posted by: Carrie
I’m having such a moment right now, thinking of how lucky I am to have known you pre-book and during book, pre-baby and during baby, to call you my girl.
Happy birthday, darlin’.
Posted by: Rachael
Thumper looks a lot like you. Have a Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Karen
It can hurt to have to adapt your art to its market, but art’s all about communication and this will allow the work to finally reach its intended readers and make that communication. It would hurt more if the work never reached anyone at all. And the significance of your first line is still as strong even if it’s no longer in the book; the tattoo is a good reminder of a time in your life when you were flush with the joy of successful creation (and the exhaustion of having gone through it). It’d be like having Thumper’s name tattooed now. Except I guess that’s less likely to change later(unless you’re some crazy Faulkner character).
Posted by: jodi
Amazing, isn’t it, how some things can’t be learned until the time is right? You were right in the decision you made last year, and you’re right in the decision you’re making now. Everything in it’s time and place. I’m looking forward to reading your book someday.
Have a happy birthday! And give that darling baby many, many kisses! He looks so loveable!
Posted by: Susan
That line gave me goosebumps. I feel sortof deprived that I can’t read what comes after it.
Posted by: Candice
yay yay yay and yay. we’re thinking of you and wanting to meet you and the little guy soon. Clean hair should be your right every day. A shower is something I need every day to not feel disgusting and foggy. Fortunately for me, Tadpole liked sitting in her bouncer chair while I showered. Then she turned 6 months and since then, she shrieks any time I get into the shower so clean hair is a little harder to come by. kisses you all.
Posted by: kate and tadpole
What I thought about your book has all been said, so simply thanks for writing so frankly about it all. And a Big- Huge Happy Birthday! From a Virgo (oh the horror!), good job on the Leo-thing. You’re just under the radar on that one!
Posted by: Em
Oh wow, you weren’t kidding when you said ‘dream agent’! She sounds wonderful. And way to go on the excellent attitude to the new round of revisions 🙂
Such a handsome young Thumper, too…
Posted by: marrije
Write on.
Posted by: claudia
I can’t make out what it says……….but I am dying to know! Your boy is BEAUTIFUL!
Posted by: angela
It can hurt to have to adapt your art to its market, but art’s all about communication and this will allow the work to finally reach its intended readers and make that communication. It would hurt more if the work never reached anyone at all. And the significance of your first line is still as strong even if it’s no longer in the book; the tattoo is a good reminder of a time in your life when you were flush with the joy of successful creation (and the exhaustion of having gone through it). It’d be like having Thumper’s name tattooed now. Except I guess that’s less likely to change later(unless you’re some crazy Faulkner character).
Posted by: jodi
Amazing, isn’t it, how some things can’t be learned until the time is right? You were right in the decision you made last year, and you’re right in the decision you’re making now. Everything in it’s time and place. I’m looking forward to reading your book someday.
Have a happy birthday! And give that darling baby many, many kisses! He looks so loveable!
Posted by: Susan
That line gave me goosebumps. I feel sortof deprived that I can’t read what comes after it.
Posted by: Candice
yay yay yay and yay. we’re thinking of you and wanting to meet you and the little guy soon. Clean hair should be your right every day. A shower is something I need every day to not feel disgusting and foggy. Fortunately for me, Tadpole liked sitting in her bouncer chair while I showered. Then she turned 6 months and since then, she shrieks any time I get into the shower so clean hair is a little harder to come by. kisses you all.
Posted by: kate and tadpole
What I thought about your book has all been said, so simply thanks for writing so frankly about it all. And a Big- Huge Happy Birthday! From a Virgo (oh the horror!), good job on the Leo-thing. You’re just under the radar on that one!
Posted by: Em
Oh wow, you weren’t kidding when you said ‘dream agent’! She sounds wonderful. And way to go on the excellent attitude to the new round of revisions 🙂
Such a handsome young Thumper, too…
Posted by: marrije
Write on.
Posted by: claudia
I can’t make out what it says……….but I am dying to know! Your boy is BEAUTIFUL!
Posted by: angela
Just please don’t cut your leg off, dear.
Posted by: john
Hey Cari,
Wow, you are doing so well in your new mom career! He is just adorable. I am a huge proponent of nursing and isn’t it great to see how he just thrives on it. The novel…well, I haven’t had time for mine either. Physical therapy takes up much of my week and my PT is just awesome. He challenges me and is waking up all kinds of muscles that haven’t been worked for five months. Take it easy and have a great weekend.
Posted by: LeAnne
wow. she knows what she’s doing that she lets you learn the lesson yourself. and she obviously believes in you, or she wouldn’t have let you.
as far as blogging … thumper is shocked that you *are* blogging. so stop it. you’re making me look bad.
Posted by: valentina
hey Cari, happy birthday !
Posted by: Polly
Good luck this time around, Cari! You have such a great attitude about this.
I love how tattoos continue to develop meaning the longer we have them.
Happy Birthday!!!
Posted by: Mandy
I really really really want to read this book. A lot. I hope the revisions go well, and I hope I remember what you just learned when I finish a book and find an agent.
Posted by: lanea
What is it they say? Find the part/sentence you like the most, then cut it right away, since you won’t be able to think clearly about it anyway.
Much easier said than done, of course.
Happy birthday.
Posted by: sutton
Just please don’t cut your leg off, dear.
Posted by: john
Hey Cari,
Wow, you are doing so well in your new mom career! He is just adorable. I am a huge proponent of nursing and isn’t it great to see how he just thrives on it. The novel…well, I haven’t had time for mine either. Physical therapy takes up much of my week and my PT is just awesome. He challenges me and is waking up all kinds of muscles that haven’t been worked for five months. Take it easy and have a great weekend.
Posted by: LeAnne
wow. she knows what she’s doing that she lets you learn the lesson yourself. and she obviously believes in you, or she wouldn’t have let you.
as far as blogging … thumper is shocked that you *are* blogging. so stop it. you’re making me look bad.
Posted by: valentina
hey Cari, happy birthday !
Posted by: Polly
Good luck this time around, Cari! You have such a great attitude about this.
I love how tattoos continue to develop meaning the longer we have them.
Happy Birthday!!!
Posted by: Mandy
I really really really want to read this book. A lot. I hope the revisions go well, and I hope I remember what you just learned when I finish a book and find an agent.
Posted by: lanea
What is it they say? Find the part/sentence you like the most, then cut it right away, since you won’t be able to think clearly about it anyway.
Much easier said than done, of course.
Happy birthday.
Posted by: sutton
What is it they say? Find the part/sentence you like the most, then cut it right away, since you won’t be able to think clearly about it anyway.
Much easier said than done, of course.
Happy birthday.
Posted by: sutton
I think they also say, “don’t press the ‘post’ button more than once, even if the page seems to be taking a long time to load.”
Posted by: sutton
Frankly, I thought that line was so intriguing, almost breathtaking really, that it has stayed with me as a classic opening since I first read it on your blog more than a year ago. I’m very sorry it has to be cut. Are you quite sure it does?
Posted by: Sharon
What is it they say? Find the part/sentence you like the most, then cut it right away, since you won’t be able to think clearly about it anyway.
Much easier said than done, of course.
Happy birthday.
Posted by: sutton
I think they also say, “don’t press the ‘post’ button more than once, even if the page seems to be taking a long time to load.”
Posted by: sutton
Frankly, I thought that line was so intriguing, almost breathtaking really, that it has stayed with me as a classic opening since I first read it on your blog more than a year ago. I’m very sorry it has to be cut. Are you quite sure it does?
Posted by: Sharon