I, CyberStalker
I donÂ’t often think about the nature of blogs. Odd, maybe, since IÂ’ve kept this blog for quite a while now. I donÂ’t think too much about why I keep it, or why you read it. (Okay, I do sometimes wonder why you read it.) This past week, though, I have been giving it some thought. Blogs are open to the public. Anyone can stumble across it and thereÂ’s your crap, right out there for all kinds of strangers to see. Your angst, your not-so-great photos you posted anyway, your badly knit sock. Pictures of your partner, of your babyÂ… Particularly in a community like ours, this friendly knitblog world, itÂ’s easy to forget that people other than knitters might be reading what youÂ’re up to, that itÂ’s all very public. I try to keep this in mind, using ThumperÂ’s fake name, blogging our road trip a few days behind our actual progress so no one would know exactly where we were who shouldnÂ’t have known. (Did you know that? YeahÂ…when you thought we were in Yellowstone we were already here in Portland, etc.)
I think that people who set up blogs for a very small audience—say a baby blog intended only for family and friends—may also forget how public an act it is. Because they only share the url with people they know, they may forget that a Google search can lead others to the site. And so you may find yourself looking at photos of someone’s baby, seeing what they keep in their refrigerator, reading about their visit to the in-laws…and getting the sense that they have no idea anyone other than family is reading it.
Which is to say—I was Googling names of men from my distant distant past the other night and came across someone I’d been Googling off and on for a long time with no luck. Someone I was nearly certain was dead, I should add. Someone I’d last seen in Amsterdam, and who I never would have expected to find in the States. How did I find him? His baby’s blog. He’s alive, apparently well, married, and has a beautiful son. And he’s here in the States, not in Europe. In fact, he’s only about a four-hour drive from here. I read back through the archives, watched the YouTube baby videos, read the birth story. Saw photos of his wife. Saw photos of him. The baby. Etc.
And then I started to get the feeling that I was trespassing somehow. When does lurking cross the line into some kind of cyber stalking? I was so happy to find that this man is still alive, so happy to finally have news of him, and to see him doing so well. I was hungry for information about this lovely life of his that I never expected he would have…and I gathered up as much information as I could from the blog. But that information? The photos and stories? They weren’t posted for old girlfriends from 1994 and a different life in Amsterdam. (Girlfriend—such a sweet term and so not the right one to describe what we were up to back then. Old lover, I guess, would fit better. Or dalliance, even. It was a short-lived thing, and I don’t mean to give the impression that we were terribly close.) They were posted for friends, and for family far away. They use the baby’s real name, first AND last. And there I was, pawing through it all.
I decided to leave a comment, just to let them know that I was there and I had read the blog. That I was pleased to see him doing so well, and remember him very fondly, and that I wished them the best. Because to stumble across these private acts made public and to not say anything… It’s a public blog, but it still felt/feels like a kind of transgression to be there without them “knowing” it. And I find myself going back to the blog and looking at the pictures again, checking often to see if they’ve posted or commented back or deleted my comment. (And I guess that’s where I start to feel like I’m doing more than lurking. Where I feel like I’m crossing some kind of boundary.) I haven’t had a response to my comment, nor have they posted since I left it. They don’t post often, though, so maybe it’s coincidence. Or maybe they’re freaked out to find a comment on their baby’s blog from an old flame and now they’ve been reminded of the public nature of the internet and so are feeling exposed. Or maybe I overthink everything (from things like this to the way a neighbor receives a loaf of bread) to a ridiculous degree. (They aren’t posting, so it MUST be about me. Because what isn’t about me? Oy vey.)
SoÂ…yeah. Old lover not dead. Looks happier and way healthier than when I knew him. Lovely wife. Gorgeous son. Fantastic. Would I love to hear from him? Just an acknowledgment of some kind? Of course I wouldÂ…but now perhaps I should just lose the link and be about my own life again, the one he hasnÂ’t been a part of for well over thirteen years, and leave them to theirs, and stop looking in through their window, even though theyÂ’ve forgotten to draw the curtains.
I recently found the same thing…the blog of an old boyfriend, announcing his son’s birth. First, middle, and last names with a photo. I left an anonymous comment because I couldn’t help myself, but I felt weird, like you did. It does feel like I’m peeping through the curtains at something I’m probably not meant to see.
Posted by: Kate
It is a funny thing the blog thing, you do forget that ANYONE can be reading about your life. And you probably don’t know about it….. I too have been careful about giving details such as the name of our daughter, and where we live etc, I think you do have to be a little careful.
Posted by: Sharon
I recently found the same thing…the blog of an old boyfriend, announcing his son’s birth. First, middle, and last names with a photo. I left an anonymous comment because I couldn’t help myself, but I felt weird, like you did. It does feel like I’m peeping through the curtains at something I’m probably not meant to see.
Posted by: Kate
It is a funny thing the blog thing, you do forget that ANYONE can be reading about your life. And you probably don’t know about it….. I too have been careful about giving details such as the name of our daughter, and where we live etc, I think you do have to be a little careful.
Posted by: Sharon
Oy vey indeed. I used to google my sons’names and would find totally harmless information or exchanges they had had with other techies. It felt like such an intrusion on their privacy that I stopped doing it. It felt too much like eavesdropping.
Posted by: Judith in NYC
i do the same thing, googling old flames to see where they’re at. i just have to remind myself if i ever run into them…. ACT SURPRISED!
Posted by: jen c
In the last 6 months I’ve had two men from my past email me after finding my blog. Kind of weird, but these were both people I was pleased to hear from and catch up with, so it was a good thing. However, my ex-husband (who I parted with on less than good terms) also found my blog and has been pestering me via email since. Knowing that he’s always reading creeps me out and definitely makes me think about what I’m writing.
Posted by: Wendy
I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now and I enjoy it very much. I’m a total stranger to you, not even from the States, but from The Netherlands. I just want to say to you that, yes, your life is on display to the entire world and yes, there will be freaks looking at your blog, so of course it’s wise to be careful. Still, I really believe that the majority of your readers are sane, friendly people. Does looking up someone you’ve lost contact with on the internet make you suspicious and freaky? I don’t think so. Everybody whose online has probably done something like that at some time. I know I have. I have a dozen knitting blogs I’m reading on a regular basis and besides learning about knitting, they are also a great way to find out about the way people live in other parts of the world. They give a very different perspective from reading newspapers or hearing the news on tv. So thanks for keeping a blog!
Chris
Posted by: Chris
I think about this stuff every time I write a blog post. Especially since my Mom reads my blog and I’ve recently been getting new readers from all over the world. I don’t use my husbands first name and I never put our last name. I even have a second email address now just for blog stuff. You did give me a nudge to look up an old fiancee! I know what’s going on with him already, but thought I see if there were any life updates. 🙂
Posted by: Michelle
I’ve had the odd person from my past contact me through my blog – and it hasn’t always been someone I wanted to be in contact with again. That led me to de-personalize my blog a bit. On the flip side, there is someone in my past I regularly google to find again – but so far with no luck.
Posted by: Jo
Oy vey indeed. I used to google my sons’names and would find totally harmless information or exchanges they had had with other techies. It felt like such an intrusion on their privacy that I stopped doing it. It felt too much like eavesdropping.
Posted by: Judith in NYC
i do the same thing, googling old flames to see where they’re at. i just have to remind myself if i ever run into them…. ACT SURPRISED!
Posted by: jen c
In the last 6 months I’ve had two men from my past email me after finding my blog. Kind of weird, but these were both people I was pleased to hear from and catch up with, so it was a good thing. However, my ex-husband (who I parted with on less than good terms) also found my blog and has been pestering me via email since. Knowing that he’s always reading creeps me out and definitely makes me think about what I’m writing.
Posted by: Wendy
I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while now and I enjoy it very much. I’m a total stranger to you, not even from the States, but from The Netherlands. I just want to say to you that, yes, your life is on display to the entire world and yes, there will be freaks looking at your blog, so of course it’s wise to be careful. Still, I really believe that the majority of your readers are sane, friendly people. Does looking up someone you’ve lost contact with on the internet make you suspicious and freaky? I don’t think so. Everybody whose online has probably done something like that at some time. I know I have. I have a dozen knitting blogs I’m reading on a regular basis and besides learning about knitting, they are also a great way to find out about the way people live in other parts of the world. They give a very different perspective from reading newspapers or hearing the news on tv. So thanks for keeping a blog!
Chris
Posted by: Chris
I think about this stuff every time I write a blog post. Especially since my Mom reads my blog and I’ve recently been getting new readers from all over the world. I don’t use my husbands first name and I never put our last name. I even have a second email address now just for blog stuff. You did give me a nudge to look up an old fiancee! I know what’s going on with him already, but thought I see if there were any life updates. 🙂
Posted by: Michelle
I’ve had the odd person from my past contact me through my blog – and it hasn’t always been someone I wanted to be in contact with again. That led me to de-personalize my blog a bit. On the flip side, there is someone in my past I regularly google to find again – but so far with no luck.
Posted by: Jo
A few months ago I found someone from my past through their online presence and emailed them. And then stalked their blog like nobody’s business to see if he’d replied. What followed ended in a bad way and although I was happy to find him well and I learned a lesson from it, it was painful.
I sometimes fear the vast public reading my blog but honestly, it’s about knitting. Even my family aren’t interested enough in knitting to read it. 🙂
Posted by: Phoe
A few months ago I found someone from my past through their online presence and emailed them. And then stalked their blog like nobody’s business to see if he’d replied. What followed ended in a bad way and although I was happy to find him well and I learned a lesson from it, it was painful.
I sometimes fear the vast public reading my blog but honestly, it’s about knitting. Even my family aren’t interested enough in knitting to read it. 🙂
Posted by: Phoe
At least with a blog you can always delete the blog or add a password lock.
I found a long-sought friend by Googling her husband’s name and his Amazon.com wish list came up! They were happy to hear from me, but I caution people that personal information does pop up in odd places. If a person wants privacy- use nicknames or a Net alias.
Posted by: Dorie
Its a strange world, this cyber one.
Posted by: claudia
In this day and age, who’s to say he hasn’t been keeping track of you occasionally via Google as well? I think almost everyone with a computer these days knows what their ex-flames are up to.
You’ve touched on one reason I blog anonymously. (Apart from the small fact that my employer used to prohibit blogging.)
Posted by: YTT
I think that it is easy for anything you write on the computer to feel private. Just you and the machine and your intended recipient(s). I have to remind my 13 year old that whatever is written on-line will not necessarily stay where you sent it and is open to the world. Weird but true. So your precautions seem very sane to me!
Posted by: Lee
At least with a blog you can always delete the blog or add a password lock.
I found a long-sought friend by Googling her husband’s name and his Amazon.com wish list came up! They were happy to hear from me, but I caution people that personal information does pop up in odd places. If a person wants privacy- use nicknames or a Net alias.
Posted by: Dorie
Its a strange world, this cyber one.
Posted by: claudia
In this day and age, who’s to say he hasn’t been keeping track of you occasionally via Google as well? I think almost everyone with a computer these days knows what their ex-flames are up to.
You’ve touched on one reason I blog anonymously. (Apart from the small fact that my employer used to prohibit blogging.)
Posted by: YTT
I think that it is easy for anything you write on the computer to feel private. Just you and the machine and your intended recipient(s). I have to remind my 13 year old that whatever is written on-line will not necessarily stay where you sent it and is open to the world. Weird but true. So your precautions seem very sane to me!
Posted by: Lee
I Google myself occasionally and a few things stick out:
Almost all the hits are on my maiden name (so old flames would have a hard time finding where I am now without the new name).
Almost all the hits are work related, so I can’t do a danged thing about it.
I wasn’t consulted, it was in precis of conferences, publications, etc.
None link to my blog and my blog isn’t EASY to locate without knowing this username. POssible, but not easy.
This username though has way more web presence than I expected.
And the worst culprit for creepy misuse has been Flickr, by far. Like some others, I’ve managed to find my images linked from confounding sites, the most recent a polish site with no apparent use other then to recycle images not their own.
And the only people to sort through all this and find me were two dear old friends who I was overjoyed to have drop me a line. So far, so good.
Posted by: sophiagrrl
It’s a those who know/don’t realize thing with blogs and blog presence. Many people just can’t fathom some of the things you can do with a name and a google window.
I really liked your play of “Amsterdam” flame with the image of “leaving the curtains open.” I mean, well, isn’t that a very Dutch cultural norm?
Posted by: Mary
I found my very first boyfriend with our dear friend the internets. It was right after Katrina and I knew he and the majority of his family lived in that area. I HAD to find him because I was concerned. Then, of course, I wanted to hear how his life had turned out.
We now speak off and on. He’s going through some tough times right now and thanks me for making him laugh. My husband knows about it and thankfully is okay with it all.
But yes, it’s an odd feeling, knowing eyes you don’t know can read your words.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
I blogged an old boyfriend and immediately regretted it. I thought that maybe this person would have changed, viewed women better, yadda, yadda, yadda. Unfortunately he didn’t end up happily ever after. The pictures of his car were fine, it was the women and what they were doing in the car that were appalling. It looks like he followed the fathers footsteps into porn.
I realized not only how lucky I am with my hubby, but how well my life turned out. I truly am happy and no longer wonder “what if.”
Posted by: patty
I keep my knitting blog (such as it is) completely separate from my real life blog. Real life things may sneak in, and I don’t mind people knowing what city I live in because it’s a big one. But my personal life, what goes on day to day – that goes on a blog that I keep in a journalling service, locked down only to those I choose. Not everyone needs to know everything about me.
If I google my real name, I get page after page about a fourteen-year-old soccer player and a chef. Neither of them are me. 😀
Posted by: ames
If you were cyberstalking, then I guess I’ve been cyberstalking you! I stumbled on your blog somewhere along the way and read it regularly. I think cyberspace lends a certain intimacy to the printed word, as if it were intended for just you or perhaps a very small audience you’re in. Such as knitting. But I think the term “stalking” implies dark intentions; absent that, it’s harmless human-gazing in cyberspace. Enjoy seeing them happy and healthy and move on.
Posted by: Muriel
I don’t have a blog, but because of knitting, I’ve found all of these great sites, like yours. I enjoy reading them even though, really, a lot of the private lives of knitters are there. It’s one of the great things about the internet, the sharing. But, I recently found myself looking through wedding pictures of a friend of a friend of a friend’s blog, none of them “my” friends and I found myself trying to justify my looking. “I love weddings and I just want to see the dress.” or “I wish I could see the layout of that invitation better because it is really unique.” I felt really voyeuristic and not in a good way. Certainly, there are people who have built their lives around the internet and are part of the success of the internet, techie types or people who have made their blog their business, who probably want to use it to its fullest far-reaching capacity. Because how weird/cool is it to know what someone’s doing right now through Twitter or see the concert they were at on Flickr. I know I’m not responsible for all the personal information out there, but, I don’t really enjoy browsing through flickr accounts anymore since I found myself at the wedding I wasn’t invited to.
Posted by: Amy Jo
I Google myself occasionally and a few things stick out:
Almost all the hits are on my maiden name (so old flames would have a hard time finding where I am now without the new name).
Almost all the hits are work related, so I can’t do a danged thing about it.
I wasn’t consulted, it was in precis of conferences, publications, etc.
None link to my blog and my blog isn’t EASY to locate without knowing this username. POssible, but not easy.
This username though has way more web presence than I expected.
And the worst culprit for creepy misuse has been Flickr, by far. Like some others, I’ve managed to find my images linked from confounding sites, the most recent a polish site with no apparent use other then to recycle images not their own.
And the only people to sort through all this and find me were two dear old friends who I was overjoyed to have drop me a line. So far, so good.
Posted by: sophiagrrl
It’s a those who know/don’t realize thing with blogs and blog presence. Many people just can’t fathom some of the things you can do with a name and a google window.
I really liked your play of “Amsterdam” flame with the image of “leaving the curtains open.” I mean, well, isn’t that a very Dutch cultural norm?
Posted by: Mary
I found my very first boyfriend with our dear friend the internets. It was right after Katrina and I knew he and the majority of his family lived in that area. I HAD to find him because I was concerned. Then, of course, I wanted to hear how his life had turned out.
We now speak off and on. He’s going through some tough times right now and thanks me for making him laugh. My husband knows about it and thankfully is okay with it all.
But yes, it’s an odd feeling, knowing eyes you don’t know can read your words.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
I blogged an old boyfriend and immediately regretted it. I thought that maybe this person would have changed, viewed women better, yadda, yadda, yadda. Unfortunately he didn’t end up happily ever after. The pictures of his car were fine, it was the women and what they were doing in the car that were appalling. It looks like he followed the fathers footsteps into porn.
I realized not only how lucky I am with my hubby, but how well my life turned out. I truly am happy and no longer wonder “what if.”
Posted by: patty
I keep my knitting blog (such as it is) completely separate from my real life blog. Real life things may sneak in, and I don’t mind people knowing what city I live in because it’s a big one. But my personal life, what goes on day to day – that goes on a blog that I keep in a journalling service, locked down only to those I choose. Not everyone needs to know everything about me.
If I google my real name, I get page after page about a fourteen-year-old soccer player and a chef. Neither of them are me. 😀
Posted by: ames
If you were cyberstalking, then I guess I’ve been cyberstalking you! I stumbled on your blog somewhere along the way and read it regularly. I think cyberspace lends a certain intimacy to the printed word, as if it were intended for just you or perhaps a very small audience you’re in. Such as knitting. But I think the term “stalking” implies dark intentions; absent that, it’s harmless human-gazing in cyberspace. Enjoy seeing them happy and healthy and move on.
Posted by: Muriel
I don’t have a blog, but because of knitting, I’ve found all of these great sites, like yours. I enjoy reading them even though, really, a lot of the private lives of knitters are there. It’s one of the great things about the internet, the sharing. But, I recently found myself looking through wedding pictures of a friend of a friend of a friend’s blog, none of them “my” friends and I found myself trying to justify my looking. “I love weddings and I just want to see the dress.” or “I wish I could see the layout of that invitation better because it is really unique.” I felt really voyeuristic and not in a good way. Certainly, there are people who have built their lives around the internet and are part of the success of the internet, techie types or people who have made their blog their business, who probably want to use it to its fullest far-reaching capacity. Because how weird/cool is it to know what someone’s doing right now through Twitter or see the concert they were at on Flickr. I know I’m not responsible for all the personal information out there, but, I don’t really enjoy browsing through flickr accounts anymore since I found myself at the wedding I wasn’t invited to.
Posted by: Amy Jo
Interesting question, I think about it, too. I disagree that they haven’t forgotten to draw the curtains – when you blog, you are actively opening the curtains. I don’t think anyone can think only their friends and family look at their blogs, not anymore. We have access to statistics about our blogs, and can see what search terms brought someone here. The blogger can look out the window, too.
That said, this was part of why I quit blogging – realizing my ex-husband could read it, and not wanting him to have any information about my life. And when I started getting comments from people I didn’t know, it made me uncomfortable with that level of anonymous exposure.
Posted by: Patti
Thanks for this post. I’ve found myself thinking the same things because there are certain people from years back that I wonder about (and have found online). It’s such a curious thing to try and figure out the right etiquette for this internet world. On my side, I think I’m usually aware that anyone can be looking, especially in regard to the actual blog.
Posted by: Jaime
I was so happy to read this post, because it describes what I find myself doing from time to time… Googling old boyfriends “off and on.” I think everyone admits to occasionally Googling someone, but I’ve never read anyone else who admits to doing it from time to time, hoping something will turn up this time.
Posted by: Marlena
So stop blogging their names. All of y’all. Just cause we can do it, should we?
Posted by: Elizabeth S.
I actually meant “googling their names” not “blogging their names”, sorry. I don’t mean to be harsh but it’s a weird-o world out there. It’s why I quit blogging.
Posted by: Elizabeth S.
Yeah, I do know what you mean. I’ve found a few old friends that I was delighted to find and tried to comment and chat on their blogs and really, their cool response reminded me that just because I CAN contact them, doesn’t mean they want me to.
A new kind of rejection.
I have always been really careful about my own identity on my blog but you know, someone can even search by my email and find other blogs I’ve commented on and find the bread crumbs back to me. It is a little creepy.
Posted by: Laurie
Interesting question, I think about it, too. I disagree that they haven’t forgotten to draw the curtains – when you blog, you are actively opening the curtains. I don’t think anyone can think only their friends and family look at their blogs, not anymore. We have access to statistics about our blogs, and can see what search terms brought someone here. The blogger can look out the window, too.
That said, this was part of why I quit blogging – realizing my ex-husband could read it, and not wanting him to have any information about my life. And when I started getting comments from people I didn’t know, it made me uncomfortable with that level of anonymous exposure.
Posted by: Patti
Thanks for this post. I’ve found myself thinking the same things because there are certain people from years back that I wonder about (and have found online). It’s such a curious thing to try and figure out the right etiquette for this internet world. On my side, I think I’m usually aware that anyone can be looking, especially in regard to the actual blog.
Posted by: Jaime
I was so happy to read this post, because it describes what I find myself doing from time to time… Googling old boyfriends “off and on.” I think everyone admits to occasionally Googling someone, but I’ve never read anyone else who admits to doing it from time to time, hoping something will turn up this time.
Posted by: Marlena
So stop blogging their names. All of y’all. Just cause we can do it, should we?
Posted by: Elizabeth S.
I actually meant “googling their names” not “blogging their names”, sorry. I don’t mean to be harsh but it’s a weird-o world out there. It’s why I quit blogging.
Posted by: Elizabeth S.
Yeah, I do know what you mean. I’ve found a few old friends that I was delighted to find and tried to comment and chat on their blogs and really, their cool response reminded me that just because I CAN contact them, doesn’t mean they want me to.
A new kind of rejection.
I have always been really careful about my own identity on my blog but you know, someone can even search by my email and find other blogs I’ve commented on and find the bread crumbs back to me. It is a little creepy.
Posted by: Laurie
you know, if i were to start a baby blog, which i would very much consider at the appropriate time, i would make it known name/username and password entrance only. the world is getting smaller and smaller, and there are many good things because of this (many, maybe many more than if it were bigger), yet privacy becomes more precious…even just the privacy of being away from e-mail/facebook/etc. for a few days. It disturbs me how we feel obligated to be available to the world always.
i remember when i read many more blogs in the past couple years as diversion from intense studying, and i was keeping it up a bit when i first moved, and my bro-in-law said to me, “why are you looking at photos of someone’s dog?” and i thought, “why the eff am i truly??”it’s one thing to get knit inspiration and learn new things, but it’s another to end up on some random person’s blog to view.
your words resonate with me, which is why i read yours. 🙂 and of course for the knitting, which got me here! 🙂
i have googled past “lovers” and found myself feeling very gross by doing so.
Posted by: k
I’ve tried Googling and old flame who moved back to Germany ages ago but his name is so common I didn’t have much luck. Not that I want to see him, I’m quite content in my marriage but mostly because I was curious how his life turned out. I give my real first name but not my surname, it’s a big city. I’m also an adult and I know how to deal with stalkers. What offended me recently was the woman in the U.S. that caused a young girl to commit suicide through the web, facebook I think it was, by pretending to be someone else. I guess we all need to be careful out there. I look at baby pictures because their just so darn cute…ciao
Posted by: rositta
I find F@ceb00k a bit voyeuristic in a similar way. Its only human nature to wonder how people from our past are doing. With the internet it seems that we can much more easily find those people and reconnect; for better or for worse.
I commend you for leaving a comment on the baby blog, as many would not.
Posted by: loriz
I find your comments very valid and similiar thoughts have crossed my mind when I ‘check in’ with blogs I enjoy reading. Have I crossed a line…I hope not I have no intention of looking for any of the individuals that I have come to ‘know’ (used loosely) and ‘love’. In a way it’s like a good fiction novel because maybe the blog authors are making it all up. I do think using first and last names are questionable unless you are ‘famous’ like a rock star or some great knitting designer.
Anyways there is so much to say on this issue and it’s one that could be discussed for a very long time. Hmmmm I must ponder some more.
Ciao ciao
Posted by: Ilona
Wow, thanks for your post. I didn’t used to think about blogs that way, but lately I have been…a lot. I wonder how much to share, etc. And once I did google an ex-boyfriend. I felt a little guilty after doing so. What makes me feel even stranger though is seeing a different ex serve me coffee when I go through the drive thru window at the local Starbucks. Boy was I taken off guard.
Posted by: Knittripps
CURIOSITY is the word! I happen to get to your blog from another knitter’s blog. I must say I truly enjoy all the blogs I encounter. Just like the word ‘FREE’, off we go clicking away to our heart’s content, because it’s free and no one is stopping us. I too had done similar deeds in the past clicking away out of curiosity. However, there was one incident recently, whereby I got myself a TROJAN virus. Now, I hesitate to click away. Alot of people, in general, are harmless and just wanting to look/see what other people’s lives are as similar to theirs or not. Or, if other people’s thoughts are similar or not. I, for one, compare myself to see if I’m just as normal as others, or totally way off the normal radar. Yes, we still have to be careful how much private stuffs we dole out on our blogs, website, FLIKR, or whatnot; as there are people who are NUTS and have nothing to do, with only the full intention of dispensing pain, headaches and heartaches and distrust. SO, EVERYONE BE CAREFUL OUT THERE IN THE BLOGGING WORLD.
Posted by: oyama
you know, if i were to start a baby blog, which i would very much consider at the appropriate time, i would make it known name/username and password entrance only. the world is getting smaller and smaller, and there are many good things because of this (many, maybe many more than if it were bigger), yet privacy becomes more precious…even just the privacy of being away from e-mail/facebook/etc. for a few days. It disturbs me how we feel obligated to be available to the world always.
i remember when i read many more blogs in the past couple years as diversion from intense studying, and i was keeping it up a bit when i first moved, and my bro-in-law said to me, “why are you looking at photos of someone’s dog?” and i thought, “why the eff am i truly??”it’s one thing to get knit inspiration and learn new things, but it’s another to end up on some random person’s blog to view.
your words resonate with me, which is why i read yours. 🙂 and of course for the knitting, which got me here! 🙂
i have googled past “lovers” and found myself feeling very gross by doing so.
Posted by: k
I’ve tried Googling and old flame who moved back to Germany ages ago but his name is so common I didn’t have much luck. Not that I want to see him, I’m quite content in my marriage but mostly because I was curious how his life turned out. I give my real first name but not my surname, it’s a big city. I’m also an adult and I know how to deal with stalkers. What offended me recently was the woman in the U.S. that caused a young girl to commit suicide through the web, facebook I think it was, by pretending to be someone else. I guess we all need to be careful out there. I look at baby pictures because their just so darn cute…ciao
Posted by: rositta
I find F@ceb00k a bit voyeuristic in a similar way. Its only human nature to wonder how people from our past are doing. With the internet it seems that we can much more easily find those people and reconnect; for better or for worse.
I commend you for leaving a comment on the baby blog, as many would not.
Posted by: loriz
I find your comments very valid and similiar thoughts have crossed my mind when I ‘check in’ with blogs I enjoy reading. Have I crossed a line…I hope not I have no intention of looking for any of the individuals that I have come to ‘know’ (used loosely) and ‘love’. In a way it’s like a good fiction novel because maybe the blog authors are making it all up. I do think using first and last names are questionable unless you are ‘famous’ like a rock star or some great knitting designer.
Anyways there is so much to say on this issue and it’s one that could be discussed for a very long time. Hmmmm I must ponder some more.
Ciao ciao
Posted by: Ilona
Wow, thanks for your post. I didn’t used to think about blogs that way, but lately I have been…a lot. I wonder how much to share, etc. And once I did google an ex-boyfriend. I felt a little guilty after doing so. What makes me feel even stranger though is seeing a different ex serve me coffee when I go through the drive thru window at the local Starbucks. Boy was I taken off guard.
Posted by: Knittripps
CURIOSITY is the word! I happen to get to your blog from another knitter’s blog. I must say I truly enjoy all the blogs I encounter. Just like the word ‘FREE’, off we go clicking away to our heart’s content, because it’s free and no one is stopping us. I too had done similar deeds in the past clicking away out of curiosity. However, there was one incident recently, whereby I got myself a TROJAN virus. Now, I hesitate to click away. Alot of people, in general, are harmless and just wanting to look/see what other people’s lives are as similar to theirs or not. Or, if other people’s thoughts are similar or not. I, for one, compare myself to see if I’m just as normal as others, or totally way off the normal radar. Yes, we still have to be careful how much private stuffs we dole out on our blogs, website, FLIKR, or whatnot; as there are people who are NUTS and have nothing to do, with only the full intention of dispensing pain, headaches and heartaches and distrust. SO, EVERYONE BE CAREFUL OUT THERE IN THE BLOGGING WORLD.
Posted by: oyama
I have no illusions about the internet–it opens up one’s life to everyone out there. Or at least, as much of the life one wants to expose. It’s all to their discretion. Look at someone like Heather Armstrong (Dooce; her battle with depression and posts about constipation) or Jason Kottke (who knew his wife Meg was even pregnant).
I wish there were some type of control in Movable Type that enables only certain subscribers to view certain posts. Vox does that, and I’d pay if Six Apart created the module for MT.
Posted by: MJ
I don’t have a blog, I’d like one but I’m too lazy to learn to set one up. But I find it interesting that I think of the writers of blogs that I check daily as friends. My meatspace friends think I’m weird because I’ll relay stories I’ve read on blogs. But I think it’s a nice break in a world where I’m in a grey cube all day to read about someone’s baby seeing their first snow or refusing to wear a hat. Or even mundane stuff like what they had for lunch. Maybe I need to get out of my cube more….
Posted by: Amy in StL
I know how you’re feeling!
I’ve resisted Facebook for so long, but had to sign up to keep up with my family. SO I spend time searching for old friends, lovers, etc. But only a few have seeked me out. SO am I the odd one, or am I the forgotten one?
Posted by: TracyKM
What a weird, weird place we live. So very different from 10 years ago.
Posted by: Amy
🙂 i’m always googling old friends or putting their names into facebook and hoping that this time they’ll show up. i love the internet.
Posted by: gleek
That’s not stalking or a transgression. If they left that crap out there on the internet, you’re allowed to view it. If you hacked his computer, that would be another story! If they wanted it to be a private website, they would’ve password protected it for family and friends. They probably don’t check it very often and that’s probably why he didn’t respond to your comment. On the other hand, if it was only a fling, that happened 13 years ago in Amsterdam, he might not remember you or his wife might not want him to respond to a woman that he had fling with 13 years ago. The people who weren’t responsive to the Challah. You live in a gentile area now – maybe they’re fundamentalist Christians or something. Maybe they’re anti semetic. You never know. Did you check out their bookshelves?? Billy Graham books? The Anarchist’s Cookbook?!? If I were you, I would keep the second Challah or make half the recipe.
Posted by: Lisa
I have no illusions about the internet–it opens up one’s life to everyone out there. Or at least, as much of the life one wants to expose. It’s all to their discretion. Look at someone like Heather Armstrong (Dooce; her battle with depression and posts about constipation) or Jason Kottke (who knew his wife Meg was even pregnant).
I wish there were some type of control in Movable Type that enables only certain subscribers to view certain posts. Vox does that, and I’d pay if Six Apart created the module for MT.
Posted by: MJ
I don’t have a blog, I’d like one but I’m too lazy to learn to set one up. But I find it interesting that I think of the writers of blogs that I check daily as friends. My meatspace friends think I’m weird because I’ll relay stories I’ve read on blogs. But I think it’s a nice break in a world where I’m in a grey cube all day to read about someone’s baby seeing their first snow or refusing to wear a hat. Or even mundane stuff like what they had for lunch. Maybe I need to get out of my cube more….
Posted by: Amy in StL
I know how you’re feeling!
I’ve resisted Facebook for so long, but had to sign up to keep up with my family. SO I spend time searching for old friends, lovers, etc. But only a few have seeked me out. SO am I the odd one, or am I the forgotten one?
Posted by: TracyKM
What a weird, weird place we live. So very different from 10 years ago.
Posted by: Amy
🙂 i’m always googling old friends or putting their names into facebook and hoping that this time they’ll show up. i love the internet.
Posted by: gleek
That’s not stalking or a transgression. If they left that crap out there on the internet, you’re allowed to view it. If you hacked his computer, that would be another story! If they wanted it to be a private website, they would’ve password protected it for family and friends. They probably don’t check it very often and that’s probably why he didn’t respond to your comment. On the other hand, if it was only a fling, that happened 13 years ago in Amsterdam, he might not remember you or his wife might not want him to respond to a woman that he had fling with 13 years ago. The people who weren’t responsive to the Challah. You live in a gentile area now – maybe they’re fundamentalist Christians or something. Maybe they’re anti semetic. You never know. Did you check out their bookshelves?? Billy Graham books? The Anarchist’s Cookbook?!? If I were you, I would keep the second Challah or make half the recipe.
Posted by: Lisa