The Debbie Bliss Universe of Monster Babies
Knitting for myself has been postponed once again. Theres been another birth, calling for another baby sweater. Once again, Ive turned to Debbie Bliss, because her baby designs are so damn cute. Once again, Im surprised to find that the knitted garment, when knit to gauge, is freakin enormous. Okay…now, I dont have any babies of my own. I only have tiny dogs. So perhaps my sense of baby scale is skewed. But is 23 1/2 inches really an appropriate measurement for the back of a cardigan intended for 3- to 6-month olds? Eight rows into the back, I looked at the width of the fabric on my needles and was sure thered been a typo. Thought it must be for 3-year-olds. But no, flipping through the rest of the book I see that measurement is consistent throughout for baby sizes. Moms out there, help me out. Can this possibly be right? Or am I making yet another baby sweater that the kid will wear when she leaves for college?
The baby in question is the new daughter of my moms boyfriends daughter. Got that? Lets try it another way. My mothers boyfriends daughter has had a daughter. Her first. Shes adorable. She looks like a tiny bald monkey, but I havent said that to anyone in the family. (Though I think monkeys are adorable.) You know how all newborns look like monkeys? I think its cool, because in newborns we see so clearly how closely related we are to primateswere just hairless monkeys who learned how to use tools more complicated than a twig for ant-fishing. Other people dont seem to like to admit this though. Apparently its rude to say a baby looks like a little monkey. New mothers dont like it. So I hold my tongue. I think its tied in to this strange desire most humans have to ignore our connection to the rest of the animal world. Were animals, people. We arent more or less special than any monkey, dog, housefly. We arent superior. Were just on top for this short period of time. Get over yourselves. There, I feel better. Yes, thats me winking at you.
Now, back to the sweater big enough for the Infant Who Ate New York. Its got bobbles and cables. Fun for my fingers!
You could always sneak it in as a nickname: “Oooh, you’re adorable! Yes you are, you little monkey, you!”
Posted by: Em
The size of that sweater sounds insane to me, too. It’s 23.5 inches ACROSS? Aren’t infant sweaters supposed to be about 24 inches AROUND? I’ve never used a DB pattern, but I agree that it just sounds wrong. Unless the baby has a 46-inch bust measurement, of course.
I like monkeys too!
Posted by: alison
there are several people who call ME monkey. one who used to call me monkeyface — took me a while to warm up to that one! but eventually i did, and monkey became so irreplacable that it’s even one of my tattoos!
Posted by: carolyn
DB patterns are notoriously large! My 1 yo grand daughter has a chest mesurement of 20 1/2 inches which, I gather, is about average – I’m currently knitting her a DB design in the 6-12 months size in the hope that it won’t be toooo big. The actual chest measurement on the pattern for 6-12 months is given as 22 inches and for the 1-2 year size as 26.5 inches!! That’s one biiiiig kid.
Posted by: lesley
You could always sneak it in as a nickname: “Oooh, you’re adorable! Yes you are, you little monkey, you!”
Posted by: Em
The size of that sweater sounds insane to me, too. It’s 23.5 inches ACROSS? Aren’t infant sweaters supposed to be about 24 inches AROUND? I’ve never used a DB pattern, but I agree that it just sounds wrong. Unless the baby has a 46-inch bust measurement, of course.
I like monkeys too!
Posted by: alison
there are several people who call ME monkey. one who used to call me monkeyface — took me a while to warm up to that one! but eventually i did, and monkey became so irreplacable that it’s even one of my tattoos!
Posted by: carolyn
DB patterns are notoriously large! My 1 yo grand daughter has a chest mesurement of 20 1/2 inches which, I gather, is about average – I’m currently knitting her a DB design in the 6-12 months size in the hope that it won’t be toooo big. The actual chest measurement on the pattern for 6-12 months is given as 22 inches and for the 1-2 year size as 26.5 inches!! That’s one biiiiig kid.
Posted by: lesley