If you’ve been around here for a while, you know that before Thumper was born, I worked in book publishing, in several major trade houses. (Okay. I never said anything bad about them, so I’ll just tell you. I worked at Penguin, Macmillan, and HarperCollins.) No one’s going to get rich working in publishing, but there’s one huge perq–at least it’s a huge perq for those who are drawn to work in publishing: Free books. Everywhere you look, free books. Which is to say that over the years I accumulated a lot of books. Books I’d heard good things about, or books with appealing covers, books with good first lines. They piled up, but didn’t always get read. Often they were passed over for the books I’d specifically sought out and bought. I thinned out the book stash a good deal before we moved, since we were paying the movers by the pound. I sold six boxes of books to a used bookstore in Brooklyn, emptying two and a half out of six big book cases. Mostly those boxes that were sold were filled with the free books from work that had never been read, never tempted me enough to pick up. I’m sure I missed some good ones, and avoided some awful ones…as things tend to go.
Today I picked up one of those free books, one that had survived the culling of the stash because I thought it might prove interesting. It’s a book of essays by writers: The Eleventh Draft. It’s not my usual thing and I’m not sure now why I decided to keep it. Probably I kept it because of the title. Drowning Practice was in its tenth draft as I was sorting through all the books. I had a few minutes to read something quick this morning (one thing these essay collections are good for) and turned to an appealing title from the Table of Contents: “The Difference Between Being Good and Being a Good Writer,” by Scott Spencer. In it, I found a passage that spoke directly to something I’ve been wrestling with in this new book:
“Vigilance about wounding or angering people who might recognize themselves in our work can also be a cold dead hand on our work. The way I see it, when we ask the society at large to take us seriously as writers, we are also in effect promising that we will take our job as society’s wide-awake dreamers and recording secretaries seriously. We are being paid (or, more often, we are asking to be paid) for saying things, not for not saying things. A writer who will not risk hurting someone’s feelings is finally no more effective than a firefighter who will not smash in windows.”
A character in my current novel-in-progress shares certain physical traits and life experiences with someone I once knew. The character is not based on him, but I am using pieces of his life that he shared with me because they tie in with some of the themes I’m exploring in the book. It’s my intention to borrow these facts of his life in a respectful way, and it’s my intention to only use them because the book needs them. That is…aspects of one person’s specific, individual life used as a means to communicate a universal truth (damn…doesn’t that sound grandiose? but that’s what I’m working toward, so there you have it. That’s what novels do, after all. Get to the universal by way of the specific)… I’d like to think I’m not using these things in a sensational way, not just taking these things I know and using them in the book because they’re flashy, dramatic details. One of my goals for revising to second draft is to take a good, hard look at this character and be sure that what I’ve taken from this real life person needs to be in the book, and that if it does need to be in there (as I believe now it does), that I’ve handled the material responsibly and respectfully.
That said, this character is not this real-life person. If I have done all I can to be sure I’m using what he shared of his life with me honestly and toward the greater purpose of what I’m trying to communicate with this book, then that has to be enough for me. Chances are, even if I’m careful and respectful, and even though this character is not him, if he reads this book he will be offended. Chances are, he will be angry. So that’s something I’m struggling with. My responsibility to my writing in conflict with what feels like my responsibility as someone who was once a friend. Hard to say…
So let’s say someone you once knew, not all that well, wrote a novel. And let’s say you recognized certain challenges from your past in one of the characters–things this person was privy to when you knew them. How would you feel about that?
If no one knew I knew the author, I don’t think it would be as bad as if everyone knew we were good buddies. I guess it depends on how many other people have access to whatever it is you know about him, and would they recognize that as HIM, or just as interesting bits about a character? I have a male friend who is an aspiring author, who asked if he could use parts of me in a novel, and then talked about adultery. I’ve never seen the work (to my knowledge it hasn’t been completed–he moved away since we talked) but I can’t help wondering if I’m the adulteror, he is, or my husband is! Would anyone recognize “me” in there? I doubt it.
If no one knew I knew the author, I don’t think it would be as bad as if everyone knew we were good buddies. I guess it depends on how many other people have access to whatever it is you know about him, and would they recognize that as HIM, or just as interesting bits about a character? I have a male friend who is an aspiring author, who asked if he could use parts of me in a novel, and then talked about adultery. I’ve never seen the work (to my knowledge it hasn’t been completed–he moved away since we talked) but I can’t help wondering if I’m the adulteror, he is, or my husband is! Would anyone recognize “me” in there? I doubt it.
If I were in that situation having NOT read your post today, I would probably be pissed off. But having read why you are concerned and what you were trying to get across, I think I would be ok with it. Considering that I struggle with feeling significant all the time, knowing that some part of my life made an impression on you would be good. I would suggest that you write it as you plan to, but then if/when it gets published, send him a note with your thoughts about it included.
I think the thing about seeing yourself in someone else’s novel is that it can feel like they are stealing your experiences. Like they are trivializing them for people’s entertainment and their own monetary gain. But if you clarify to him that you felt that his experiences could give people a broader view into existence, I bet he would be ok with it.
If I were in that situation having NOT read your post today, I would probably be pissed off. But having read why you are concerned and what you were trying to get across, I think I would be ok with it. Considering that I struggle with feeling significant all the time, knowing that some part of my life made an impression on you would be good. I would suggest that you write it as you plan to, but then if/when it gets published, send him a note with your thoughts about it included.
I think the thing about seeing yourself in someone else’s novel is that it can feel like they are stealing your experiences. Like they are trivializing them for people’s entertainment and their own monetary gain. But if you clarify to him that you felt that his experiences could give people a broader view into existence, I bet he would be ok with it.
I’m going to think some more about this, but my first official this-is-what-I-should-be-doing-myself reaction would be to always mentally sing “you’re so vain / you pro’bly think this song is about you”.
And on the other hand it is one of my biggest, biggest problems with moving towards being a writer. My guy J.D. Salinger’s character Buddy already said this in (I think) Franny & Zooey: “A writer, and, consequently, not a nice person”. And being a nice person is paramount, isn’t it? Except when it’s *not*.
As I said, thinking some more on this. Late here 🙂
I’m going to think some more about this, but my first official this-is-what-I-should-be-doing-myself reaction would be to always mentally sing “you’re so vain / you pro’bly think this song is about you”.
And on the other hand it is one of my biggest, biggest problems with moving towards being a writer. My guy J.D. Salinger’s character Buddy already said this in (I think) Franny & Zooey: “A writer, and, consequently, not a nice person”. And being a nice person is paramount, isn’t it? Except when it’s *not*.
As I said, thinking some more on this. Late here 🙂
I agree with Ellen – how recognizable is he to others? And will the parts that aren’t him cause people to think poorly of him if they do recognize him? On the other hand, isn’t that why books have the disclaimer in the front?
I agree with Ellen – how recognizable is he to others? And will the parts that aren’t him cause people to think poorly of him if they do recognize him? On the other hand, isn’t that why books have the disclaimer in the front?
i knew a girl, ok, a really, really cherished friend who i hurt once by writing about something close to her. it killed me that i hurt her like this. i swear, i didn’t write a new thing for THREE YEARS. and now i feel forgiven. thank you.
i knew a girl, ok, a really, really cherished friend who i hurt once by writing about something close to her. it killed me that i hurt her like this. i swear, i didn’t write a new thing for THREE YEARS. and now i feel forgiven. thank you.
I would be somewhat jealous that they had used “my” story, but I think that’s mostly about my bitterness about my inability to write.
I would be somewhat jealous that they had used “my” story, but I think that’s mostly about my bitterness about my inability to write.
I probably feel differently than most about this subject — but then you know I think differently than most on just about any subject, right? I’ve seen movies made about this sort of thing where the person who is recognizable as a character in fiction feels terribly exploited and invaded and whatever. But I just think it’s the beauty of writing and the beauty of art to imitate life. We see characters all around us, and I feel like it’s our privilege to write them. That being said, I haven’t ever done it (yet). I have thought about it a million times, and if I felt competent to do it (create a fictional character based on a real-life character) I think I would in a heartbeat. If someone used me as a character, I would not be at all upset (in fact, I’d be probably flattered, even if the character was not all that sympathetic a person or likable a character)…but back to what I said in the beginning: I think differently about this than probably most. I have thick skin.
I probably feel differently than most about this subject — but then you know I think differently than most on just about any subject, right? I’ve seen movies made about this sort of thing where the person who is recognizable as a character in fiction feels terribly exploited and invaded and whatever. But I just think it’s the beauty of writing and the beauty of art to imitate life. We see characters all around us, and I feel like it’s our privilege to write them. That being said, I haven’t ever done it (yet). I have thought about it a million times, and if I felt competent to do it (create a fictional character based on a real-life character) I think I would in a heartbeat. If someone used me as a character, I would not be at all upset (in fact, I’d be probably flattered, even if the character was not all that sympathetic a person or likable a character)…but back to what I said in the beginning: I think differently about this than probably most. I have thick skin.
It almost sounds to me like you’re trying to convince yourself that your character isn’t based on this person you once knew. If the experience is imperative to the story, are you character’s physical traits imperative? Do you feel guilty because these facts were told you in confidence?
There have been things in my life that I would be extremely uncomfortable if I came across in a book and the character’s dilemma was obviously based on something that happened to me. I don’t know how I would react, but I probably would be embarrassed that someone I knew would recognize me in the book. I would probably get in touch with the author and ask them what they were thinking when they wrote that character and sort my feelings out from there. I might care, I might not. It would depend on how recognizably ME the character or situation was.
It almost sounds to me like you’re trying to convince yourself that your character isn’t based on this person you once knew. If the experience is imperative to the story, are you character’s physical traits imperative? Do you feel guilty because these facts were told you in confidence?
There have been things in my life that I would be extremely uncomfortable if I came across in a book and the character’s dilemma was obviously based on something that happened to me. I don’t know how I would react, but I probably would be embarrassed that someone I knew would recognize me in the book. I would probably get in touch with the author and ask them what they were thinking when they wrote that character and sort my feelings out from there. I might care, I might not. It would depend on how recognizably ME the character or situation was.
I think as long as others wouldn’t be able to recognize this character as me then it wouldn’t be a huge deal. I would probably be honored that my situation inspired them enough to include those details in their work. It’s hard as a writer not to observe others and then not to include those tidbits, observations and views in your work. When people inspire a writer for good or for bad, my hope is that the writer can take that inspiration and make something beautiful out of it.
I think as long as others wouldn’t be able to recognize this character as me then it wouldn’t be a huge deal. I would probably be honored that my situation inspired them enough to include those details in their work. It’s hard as a writer not to observe others and then not to include those tidbits, observations and views in your work. When people inspire a writer for good or for bad, my hope is that the writer can take that inspiration and make something beautiful out of it.
I like to think that I’ve left a footprint on this world in a way that will help others. If a piece of my life was put out there in a respectful manner and as part of a greater work, I guess I’d feel sort of honored. But I am also someone who has a pretty hefty dose of respect for the writing process…I may be more likely to understand that no novel would exist without real life inspiration.
I like to think that I’ve left a footprint on this world in a way that will help others. If a piece of my life was put out there in a respectful manner and as part of a greater work, I guess I’d feel sort of honored. But I am also someone who has a pretty hefty dose of respect for the writing process…I may be more likely to understand that no novel would exist without real life inspiration.
I’m not sure how I would react, but I *think* I’d feel a series of mixed emotions: pleased that some aspect of my life was being permanently recorded, worried about how I’m perceived, and finally, honored to be a part of a work of art. As a writer, though, I think it’s all fair game, as long as it’s done with respect, which is clearly your approach.
I’m not sure how I would react, but I *think* I’d feel a series of mixed emotions: pleased that some aspect of my life was being permanently recorded, worried about how I’m perceived, and finally, honored to be a part of a work of art. As a writer, though, I think it’s all fair game, as long as it’s done with respect, which is clearly your approach.
If this was out of revenge then it would be o.k. Ann Lamott encourages that in Bird by Bird. You seem to have had a good rapport with this person, so why jeopardize that.
If this was out of revenge then it would be o.k. Ann Lamott encourages that in Bird by Bird. You seem to have had a good rapport with this person, so why jeopardize that.
That’s such a hard call to make. My first inclination is that I’d be mad and maybe hurt. But, it would really also depend on that person’s integrity when I was friends with them. You know, if they were mean spirited towards others I would definitely react differently than if they always had honest intentions – which you seem like on your blog.
I liked the passage that you included about writing. Very true.
That’s such a hard call to make. My first inclination is that I’d be mad and maybe hurt. But, it would really also depend on that person’s integrity when I was friends with them. You know, if they were mean spirited towards others I would definitely react differently than if they always had honest intentions – which you seem like on your blog.
I liked the passage that you included about writing. Very true.
What a very interesting question! Well, if I were in that situation I would wonder if the character was influenced by me. If I could not deny that fact because it was so obvious I would still probably allow myself to wonder if it was really me. And yes, I might be a little peeved, but then I would probably either stop reading or continue to allow myself to be open to the possibility that it was not me/like me. But I am someone who avoids confrontation. If I was really mad I would probably just put the book down and walk away. Very interesting question…
What a very interesting question! Well, if I were in that situation I would wonder if the character was influenced by me. If I could not deny that fact because it was so obvious I would still probably allow myself to wonder if it was really me. And yes, I might be a little peeved, but then I would probably either stop reading or continue to allow myself to be open to the possibility that it was not me/like me. But I am someone who avoids confrontation. If I was really mad I would probably just put the book down and walk away. Very interesting question…
Your book sounds so interesting. Wouldn’t it be cool if when this one gets published, people will be begging for you to publish Drowning Practice? I know I sound like I’m kissing your a**, but I like the way you write!
Your book sounds so interesting. Wouldn’t it be cool if when this one gets published, people will be begging for you to publish Drowning Practice? I know I sound like I’m kissing your a**, but I like the way you write!
I think, were I in the position of your old friend, that I would feel both unsettled and touched. But in no way would I feel that it was a violation. As an artist, I’m probably not the best person to answer such a question though, as there’s much grappling with the ethics of appropriating in my field as well.
There’s a great quote from an Alice Munro story about this, that I love enough I’m going to go dig it out for you. Hang on.
——————————
Okay. It’s from “Material”.
“What matters is that this story of Hugo’s is a very good story, as far as I can tell, and I think I can tell. How honest this is and how lovely, I had to say as I read. I had to admit. I was moved by Hugo’s story; I was, I am, glad of it, and I am not moved by tricks. Or if I am, they have to be good tricks. Lovely tricks, honest tricks. There is Dotty lifted out of life and held in light, suspended in the marvelous clear jelly that Hugo has spent all his life learning how to make. It is an act of magic, there is no getting around it; it is an act, you might say, of a special, unsparing, unsentimental love. A fine and lucky benevolence. Dotty was a lucky person, people who understood and value this act might say (not everybody, of course, does understand and value this act); she was lucky to live in that basement for a few months and eventually to have this done to her, though she doesn’t know what has been done and wouldn’t care for it, probably, if she did know. She has passed into Art. It doesn’t happen to everybody.”
Isn’t that just gorgeous?
I think, were I in the position of your old friend, that I would feel both unsettled and touched. But in no way would I feel that it was a violation. As an artist, I’m probably not the best person to answer such a question though, as there’s much grappling with the ethics of appropriating in my field as well.
There’s a great quote from an Alice Munro story about this, that I love enough I’m going to go dig it out for you. Hang on.
——————————
Okay. It’s from “Material”.
“What matters is that this story of Hugo’s is a very good story, as far as I can tell, and I think I can tell. How honest this is and how lovely, I had to say as I read. I had to admit. I was moved by Hugo’s story; I was, I am, glad of it, and I am not moved by tricks. Or if I am, they have to be good tricks. Lovely tricks, honest tricks. There is Dotty lifted out of life and held in light, suspended in the marvelous clear jelly that Hugo has spent all his life learning how to make. It is an act of magic, there is no getting around it; it is an act, you might say, of a special, unsparing, unsentimental love. A fine and lucky benevolence. Dotty was a lucky person, people who understood and value this act might say (not everybody, of course, does understand and value this act); she was lucky to live in that basement for a few months and eventually to have this done to her, though she doesn’t know what has been done and wouldn’t care for it, probably, if she did know. She has passed into Art. It doesn’t happen to everybody.”
Isn’t that just gorgeous?
As someone whose ex husband wrote a book that included her REAL name and picture, without permission, I’m a bit sensitive about this kind of thing – probably hyper-sensitive. Ok, and bitter at times, but I’m trying to move on. That said, if what you’re writing is fiction, and you’re using character traits, or partial experiences, I don’t have a problem with that. You have to draw from somewhere; I know a very well-known author whose characters were often made of up combinations of the various locals where I grew up. As long as there’s no naming, and the real person isn’t depicted (and thereby identifiable) as a whole in the story, I think it’s ok. Does that make any sense at all?
As someone whose ex husband wrote a book that included her REAL name and picture, without permission, I’m a bit sensitive about this kind of thing – probably hyper-sensitive. Ok, and bitter at times, but I’m trying to move on. That said, if what you’re writing is fiction, and you’re using character traits, or partial experiences, I don’t have a problem with that. You have to draw from somewhere; I know a very well-known author whose characters were often made of up combinations of the various locals where I grew up. As long as there’s no naming, and the real person isn’t depicted (and thereby identifiable) as a whole in the story, I think it’s ok. Does that make any sense at all?
That IS gorgeous, jodi.
Very good question, Cari, and I’m intrigued by other people’s perspectives. I had a lateral dilemma about my blog a couple of years ago. A former professor, a friend two decades ago and a correspondent with occasional meetings after that, died unexpectedly. I wrote a couple of blog posts about him — first a kind of tribute, then a reflection on loss, him my dad etc. after his funeral. I thought I was just speaking from my point of view… but his daughter found my blog about a month later and sent me a stern letter (in the *mail*, and calling me Ms ____) where she framed what I’d written as a “review” of his funeral, and interpreted my sadness at not having recognized depression/his knowledge about his death in various actions over the previous couple of years as “violations of his privacy.” Her reaction was so far from the way I make meaning of my experiences — I truly had thought I was *honouring* him by trying to capture the bitterness of not having “read” his actions — that while I can understand it kind of rationally, I still can’t get it from the inside.
So… I don’t have an answer to your question. If I felt you’d made new meaning of my stories and spun them into something vibrant, I like to think I’d recognize my full spectrum in your words — but I also think many people are taken aback when someone refracts them back more sharply than they like to think of themselves.
I have to admit that I’d probably always err on the side of possibly hurting the person rather than not letting the story I was telling emerge…. but I’d probably try to mitigate it if I had a continuing relationship with whoever mused me.
That IS gorgeous, jodi.
Very good question, Cari, and I’m intrigued by other people’s perspectives. I had a lateral dilemma about my blog a couple of years ago. A former professor, a friend two decades ago and a correspondent with occasional meetings after that, died unexpectedly. I wrote a couple of blog posts about him — first a kind of tribute, then a reflection on loss, him my dad etc. after his funeral. I thought I was just speaking from my point of view… but his daughter found my blog about a month later and sent me a stern letter (in the *mail*, and calling me Ms ____) where she framed what I’d written as a “review” of his funeral, and interpreted my sadness at not having recognized depression/his knowledge about his death in various actions over the previous couple of years as “violations of his privacy.” Her reaction was so far from the way I make meaning of my experiences — I truly had thought I was *honouring* him by trying to capture the bitterness of not having “read” his actions — that while I can understand it kind of rationally, I still can’t get it from the inside.
So… I don’t have an answer to your question. If I felt you’d made new meaning of my stories and spun them into something vibrant, I like to think I’d recognize my full spectrum in your words — but I also think many people are taken aback when someone refracts them back more sharply than they like to think of themselves.
I have to admit that I’d probably always err on the side of possibly hurting the person rather than not letting the story I was telling emerge…. but I’d probably try to mitigate it if I had a continuing relationship with whoever mused me.
truly, i would feel a little bit honored. that something that i shared would have an effect on another, enough to know they thought on it and processed it and then felt compelled to use it. now, if it were terribly unflattering, well, that might be a bit hard, but i would hope there would not be too many terribly unflattering things in my life.
truly, i would feel a little bit honored. that something that i shared would have an effect on another, enough to know they thought on it and processed it and then felt compelled to use it. now, if it were terribly unflattering, well, that might be a bit hard, but i would hope there would not be too many terribly unflattering things in my life.
I guess it depends on what was written about me and if anyone reading it would be able to figure out that it was about me. As long as no one would ever figure out it was me, I’d probably be ok with it. If someone could figure out it was me and it was something really private, I’d be mortified.
I guess it depends on what was written about me and if anyone reading it would be able to figure out that it was about me. As long as no one would ever figure out it was me, I’d probably be ok with it. If someone could figure out it was me and it was something really private, I’d be mortified.
Given that noone knew it came from me (if it is the kind of info you don’t want to be identified with) I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
Some challenges deserve to be written about, so I guess I would hope that someone else would find recognition in that as well and maybe learn a thing or two.
Given that noone knew it came from me (if it is the kind of info you don’t want to be identified with) I wouldn’t have a problem with it.
Some challenges deserve to be written about, so I guess I would hope that someone else would find recognition in that as well and maybe learn a thing or two.
Even though the chances of anyone knowing it was me are slim, I would still feel embarrassed. I think it’s one of those things that each of us would respond to in our own way. If you are as worried as you seem, consider letting this individual read a short passage to get his reaction. Unless you have no intention of removing or modifying the character – in which case, it is a bit of a moot point.
Even though the chances of anyone knowing it was me are slim, I would still feel embarrassed. I think it’s one of those things that each of us would respond to in our own way. If you are as worried as you seem, consider letting this individual read a short passage to get his reaction. Unless you have no intention of removing or modifying the character – in which case, it is a bit of a moot point.
I think it depends on the story. If it was quite obvious that someone was trying to take the piss, I would be furious. But if I had to think whether or not it was me because I was caught up in the story, then I don’t think it would sting as much. I think we all like to pretend we’re completely unique. I wonder if that’s what offends us most: not being the only person in the world with that exact experience as seen by others. For ourselves it is unique. But how you see it may not be.
I think it depends on the story. If it was quite obvious that someone was trying to take the piss, I would be furious. But if I had to think whether or not it was me because I was caught up in the story, then I don’t think it would sting as much. I think we all like to pretend we’re completely unique. I wonder if that’s what offends us most: not being the only person in the world with that exact experience as seen by others. For ourselves it is unique. But how you see it may not be.
I guess it would have to depend a little on the intent behind it. If, as one commenter seemed to imply of an ex-, the intent was to discredit or embarass, I would be a little peeved, yes.
But in the end, writers draw on what and who they know, and ultimately can’t help but include snatches of people they know and situations they’ve been privy to in whatever they write.
Reminds me that in a recent column Garrison Keillor told of telling a man he met at a ballpark that he was unemployed because, “when you tell people you’re a writer, they tend to clam up.”
I guess it would have to depend a little on the intent behind it. If, as one commenter seemed to imply of an ex-, the intent was to discredit or embarass, I would be a little peeved, yes.
But in the end, writers draw on what and who they know, and ultimately can’t help but include snatches of people they know and situations they’ve been privy to in whatever they write.
Reminds me that in a recent column Garrison Keillor told of telling a man he met at a ballpark that he was unemployed because, “when you tell people you’re a writer, they tend to clam up.”
If the parts of my story interpreted in your novel did not reflect well on me (i.e., they were aspects of my character or things I had done in my life that I do not feel good about) then my level of offense would directly correlate to how many people who read your novel would recognize me in it.
With that said, I must admit that my immediate reaction to your question was: “Will I get paid?” Clearly, I am either the only completely materialistic greedy consumer who reads your blog or it’s that I’m a lawyer (insert anti-lawyer joke here). But, seriously, my first thought was, “If someone is making money off a book that is based on me, shouldn’t I get paid?”
Please notice my confidence that you will successfully publish this book! Even from the miniamal descriptions you have shared, it sounds exciting and I can’t wait to read it.
If the parts of my story interpreted in your novel did not reflect well on me (i.e., they were aspects of my character or things I had done in my life that I do not feel good about) then my level of offense would directly correlate to how many people who read your novel would recognize me in it.
With that said, I must admit that my immediate reaction to your question was: “Will I get paid?” Clearly, I am either the only completely materialistic greedy consumer who reads your blog or it’s that I’m a lawyer (insert anti-lawyer joke here). But, seriously, my first thought was, “If someone is making money off a book that is based on me, shouldn’t I get paid?”
Please notice my confidence that you will successfully publish this book! Even from the miniamal descriptions you have shared, it sounds exciting and I can’t wait to read it.
Great question. I don’t know if I have an answer to it as much as some rambling thoughts. My sense is that most people would be offended, hurt, and betrayed to see themselves, however small, reflected as a character that may be less than flattering. Recognizing yourself in the written word can be shocking, especially if it reflects true to life struggles that have been shared in confidence. Current or past friendship aside.
My personal feeling? If I recognized situations or conversations of myself in a book, I might be uncomfortable, but in the end I wouldn’t be offended if parts of me, even the unpleasant parts of me, were the inspiration of a well-rounded character of that book. I’ve not always been the best that I could be. My hope would be that someone reading the book would take away something from that character that inspired growth forward.
However, if the person you’ve based the character on is not at a place in their life that they can see this; they’ll most likely not be flattered but feel betrayed. If you, as the writer, are at peace with this and truly fee you have created a character that really is not the whole of that person, then you’ve written a potentially wonderful book with a well-rounded character.
Great question. I don’t know if I have an answer to it as much as some rambling thoughts. My sense is that most people would be offended, hurt, and betrayed to see themselves, however small, reflected as a character that may be less than flattering. Recognizing yourself in the written word can be shocking, especially if it reflects true to life struggles that have been shared in confidence. Current or past friendship aside.
My personal feeling? If I recognized situations or conversations of myself in a book, I might be uncomfortable, but in the end I wouldn’t be offended if parts of me, even the unpleasant parts of me, were the inspiration of a well-rounded character of that book. I’ve not always been the best that I could be. My hope would be that someone reading the book would take away something from that character that inspired growth forward.
However, if the person you’ve based the character on is not at a place in their life that they can see this; they’ll most likely not be flattered but feel betrayed. If you, as the writer, are at peace with this and truly fee you have created a character that really is not the whole of that person, then you’ve written a potentially wonderful book with a well-rounded character.
You know that famous picture from Vietnam, the one of the naked little girl who had just gotten Naplamed? I heard her read a little piece on the radio the other day. Of course, she’d never given permission to be photographed, and she described how the state tried to use her as a propaganda tool once she’d healed. It made her very angry, but she was finally able to grant forgiveness (it was after she found Jesus, but still, her story was interesting).
I say this because people don’t usually fault photojournalists for capturing images that can have a strong ability to evoke an emotional reaction, make people feel something. It sounds like your ends will be similar and you’re not trying to be exploitative. You can’t write about humans without having human experience, and I’m sure many other experiences and people you’ve had and known will find their way into your work. Isn’t that what makes fiction resonant, when you can recognize bits of yourself in it?
I personally think it’s fair. However, you’re the writer and the one who may have to deal with the consequences. Your guts may need to guide you more than our comments.
You know that famous picture from Vietnam, the one of the naked little girl who had just gotten Naplamed? I heard her read a little piece on the radio the other day. Of course, she’d never given permission to be photographed, and she described how the state tried to use her as a propaganda tool once she’d healed. It made her very angry, but she was finally able to grant forgiveness (it was after she found Jesus, but still, her story was interesting).
I say this because people don’t usually fault photojournalists for capturing images that can have a strong ability to evoke an emotional reaction, make people feel something. It sounds like your ends will be similar and you’re not trying to be exploitative. You can’t write about humans without having human experience, and I’m sure many other experiences and people you’ve had and known will find their way into your work. Isn’t that what makes fiction resonant, when you can recognize bits of yourself in it?
I personally think it’s fair. However, you’re the writer and the one who may have to deal with the consequences. Your guts may need to guide you more than our comments.
I think it would be really interesting to read it. I wouldn’t be offended one bit.
I think it would be really interesting to read it. I wouldn’t be offended one bit.
I have to wonder if I would even recognize myself. I guess if a very specific incident were related, I might think, “hey — she borrowed that from me!” But if it were more general characteristics, I think I would just feel connected to the character, not that she was me. And frankly, I ALWAYS have to connect with a character to enjoy a story!
I have to wonder if I would even recognize myself. I guess if a very specific incident were related, I might think, “hey — she borrowed that from me!” But if it were more general characteristics, I think I would just feel connected to the character, not that she was me. And frankly, I ALWAYS have to connect with a character to enjoy a story!
You’re writing fiction, so unless you are modeling the entire character after this one person you knew, I don’t see it as a problem. I think it is natural to draw on specific characteristics of a specific person you knew and incorporate them into a character who is more complex than just those characteristics. Besides, I believe it is Anne Lamott who said that people rarely recognize themselves in fiction…her example was a character she created who was very negative about everything and she’d based it off of a friend of hers…the friend read the book and told Anne she knew someone just like that negative character, LOL…never saw herself in it.
You’re writing fiction, so unless you are modeling the entire character after this one person you knew, I don’t see it as a problem. I think it is natural to draw on specific characteristics of a specific person you knew and incorporate them into a character who is more complex than just those characteristics. Besides, I believe it is Anne Lamott who said that people rarely recognize themselves in fiction…her example was a character she created who was very negative about everything and she’d based it off of a friend of hers…the friend read the book and told Anne she knew someone just like that negative character, LOL…never saw herself in it.
I’m sure this isn’t totally original, but a few points. First, since you’re aiming for the universal in the end, isn’t it entirely possible the many others have had similar experiences? I have trouble imagining a situation so unique that no other person has been in it. Doesn’t seem like stealing to me. And, for what it’s worth, I can’t think of anything more gratifying than inspiring an artist; I would be honored.
I’m sure this isn’t totally original, but a few points. First, since you’re aiming for the universal in the end, isn’t it entirely possible the many others have had similar experiences? I have trouble imagining a situation so unique that no other person has been in it. Doesn’t seem like stealing to me. And, for what it’s worth, I can’t think of anything more gratifying than inspiring an artist; I would be honored.
I’ve been thinking about this for a few days and wonder if this character is “done”. Of course he/she isn’t because this is your first draft but if, after all the work you are going to do on your work, the character is still recognizably your friend, then I would wonder why that were necessary? Certainly, others may have had similar experiences but you, at this point in the writing process, have chosen to use “physical traits and life experiences” identifiable with a person you once knew. I like Lamott’s “throw in the teenie little penis…” as a way of reminding me that my characters need their own personae so I can legitimately write the “any relationship to a person living or dead…” disclaimer. I am really looking forward to reading how this goes. You are a brave person.
I’ve been thinking about this for a few days and wonder if this character is “done”. Of course he/she isn’t because this is your first draft but if, after all the work you are going to do on your work, the character is still recognizably your friend, then I would wonder why that were necessary? Certainly, others may have had similar experiences but you, at this point in the writing process, have chosen to use “physical traits and life experiences” identifiable with a person you once knew. I like Lamott’s “throw in the teenie little penis…” as a way of reminding me that my characters need their own personae so I can legitimately write the “any relationship to a person living or dead…” disclaimer. I am really looking forward to reading how this goes. You are a brave person.
Also, Keith Gessen(editor of n + 1) who wrote All the Sad Young Literary Men used his friends as characters in that novel, and when they read the novel and saw themselves depicted there, they were pissed. He talks about it on the 2nd episode of Titlepage.tv
Also, Keith Gessen(editor of n + 1) who wrote All the Sad Young Literary Men used his friends as characters in that novel, and when they read the novel and saw themselves depicted there, they were pissed. He talks about it on the 2nd episode of Titlepage.tv
Joan Didion, who knows a thing or two about writing, said, “Writers are always selling somebody out.” (White Album, I think.)
When does sensitivity become counterproductive? Right here.
You’re a writer. So write.
Joan Didion, who knows a thing or two about writing, said, “Writers are always selling somebody out.” (White Album, I think.)
When does sensitivity become counterproductive? Right here.
You’re a writer. So write.
It’s interesting to me how concerned you are with what people think of you, and also how angry that makes you. It comes up periodically in your blogging. I am of two minds about it: I think you can’t do that if you want to write what you want to write – that is, if you want to be genuine. The other mind is, in these days of the Internet, I see people who are real people, with real feelings, get trampled all over the place in the name of “truth”. So, it would depend on the harm caused to this person. As I get older, I tend to maybe err on the side of being gentle with people, as I see how much damage life can cause.
It’s interesting to me how concerned you are with what people think of you, and also how angry that makes you. It comes up periodically in your blogging. I am of two minds about it: I think you can’t do that if you want to write what you want to write – that is, if you want to be genuine. The other mind is, in these days of the Internet, I see people who are real people, with real feelings, get trampled all over the place in the name of “truth”. So, it would depend on the harm caused to this person. As I get older, I tend to maybe err on the side of being gentle with people, as I see how much damage life can cause.
I just did this. I removed an essay from the latest book because I felt that even though I was not writing about someone I know, that there was too much that might lead them to believe it was them.
I didn’t remove it in the end because I feared their anger (though it would have been swift and mighty) but because I worried that other people would take the parts that resembled her, and assumed the parts that weren’t about her were… and that in some way, that would be me misrepresenting her, or offering up false information.
I felt like it might violate her privacy somehow, and I can’t quite explain how. I think it’s one thing to not fear angering the reader… I think it’s another to anger or even violate the character.
It gave me the creeping heebies, and I always listen to those.
(I have a feeling this comment made no sense.)
I just did this. I removed an essay from the latest book because I felt that even though I was not writing about someone I know, that there was too much that might lead them to believe it was them.
I didn’t remove it in the end because I feared their anger (though it would have been swift and mighty) but because I worried that other people would take the parts that resembled her, and assumed the parts that weren’t about her were… and that in some way, that would be me misrepresenting her, or offering up false information.
I felt like it might violate her privacy somehow, and I can’t quite explain how. I think it’s one thing to not fear angering the reader… I think it’s another to anger or even violate the character.
It gave me the creeping heebies, and I always listen to those.
(I have a feeling this comment made no sense.)
(came to see the garden, stayed for the question)
I guess I’m a snob, since it would depend on the quality of the novel! But even if it was shamelessly commercialised pap, I’d only be miffed in direct proportion to how much respect I once had for that person, their taste or sensibilities.
However I’d be very, very, very irritated if any work–good, bad or inbetween–was later ‘shilled’, sorry marketed, by alluding to the origin (thus authenticity) of the character, even if in vague terms.
N.B.: this is the perspective of someone who hasn’t suffered ‘challenges’ that can still bring forth feelings of deep, profound shame or regret…
(…now, if it were my best friend and she satirised me on the order of ‘The Loved One’, or confessionally aired every last bit of my dirty laundry….I’d buy 10 copies on Amazon, write a gushing review, and be heart-burstingly proud of her…)
(came to see the garden, stayed for the question)
I guess I’m a snob, since it would depend on the quality of the novel! But even if it was shamelessly commercialised pap, I’d only be miffed in direct proportion to how much respect I once had for that person, their taste or sensibilities.
However I’d be very, very, very irritated if any work–good, bad or inbetween–was later ‘shilled’, sorry marketed, by alluding to the origin (thus authenticity) of the character, even if in vague terms.
N.B.: this is the perspective of someone who hasn’t suffered ‘challenges’ that can still bring forth feelings of deep, profound shame or regret…
(…now, if it were my best friend and she satirised me on the order of ‘The Loved One’, or confessionally aired every last bit of my dirty laundry….I’d buy 10 copies on Amazon, write a gushing review, and be heart-burstingly proud of her…)
It’s a classic question, isn’t it? I don’t really think you (or anyone) can write fiction at all without drawing from people you have known, for good or ill. Where else can you find your inspirations? Your natural dialog? How can you make situations or characters believeable without drawing on what you know? Writers are cannibals. They have to be, and you will have to get yourself comfortable with that if you want to make your way in the world as a writer. Even blogging brings up that sort of issue. I don’t think I would enjoy seeing myself in a book. That said, if it was true to life I probably would not recognize myself unless someone else pointed it out. I’m not that introspective!
It’s a classic question, isn’t it? I don’t really think you (or anyone) can write fiction at all without drawing from people you have known, for good or ill. Where else can you find your inspirations? Your natural dialog? How can you make situations or characters believeable without drawing on what you know? Writers are cannibals. They have to be, and you will have to get yourself comfortable with that if you want to make your way in the world as a writer. Even blogging brings up that sort of issue. I don’t think I would enjoy seeing myself in a book. That said, if it was true to life I probably would not recognize myself unless someone else pointed it out. I’m not that introspective!
Good question! I’d say if it was a tenuous connection at best, why worry? I’d really only get concerned if it was, say, your best friend’s deepest secret that you just sort of threw out there for the whole world. Self editing can kill during the generation process; that’s why we edit later, right? 🙂
Good question! I’d say if it was a tenuous connection at best, why worry? I’d really only get concerned if it was, say, your best friend’s deepest secret that you just sort of threw out there for the whole world. Self editing can kill during the generation process; that’s why we edit later, right? 🙂