I spotted something today as I left the grocery store, something I’d love to include in a novel or a story. If I was bolder (less considerate of others’ privacy?) than I am, I might have taken out my camera. A single snapshot would have told the entire story. And that’s what I’m chewing over right now. This single image, what I saw in one quick glance over my shoulder, carried immensely more weight than it could if I tried to translate it into words. But words are what I’ve got, what I work with…
As I left the store I saw a man who works in the produce department. He was sitting on a rail outside the automatic doors. His feet were flat on the ground, his back curved, head and shoulders dropped. He was frowning, looking at his hands as he talked quietly to a blond woman who stood over him. She wore a blue apron, so also works in the store, though she wasn’t immediately familiar to me. She was standing close to him, one arm crossed over her chest, that hand grabbing on to the meat of the opposite arm. Something about his posture–the curve of his back, the way he spoke looking down–and her proximity told me that they’re a couple, or moving toward being a couple. And she was displeased, and he was defensive.
It was this tense, intimate moment, all of it coming across in the half-second I allowed myself to look. And words don’t begin to touch it. That curve of his back, the way her fingers dug into the flesh of her arm… It’s so frustrating, the limits of these tools I have.
Keep at it, you’ve got the beginning. Flesh it out fully, since you’ve already seen it embodied.
Keep at it, you’ve got the beginning. Flesh it out fully, since you’ve already seen it embodied.
I “see” it. Your words paint. And because you “know” him, I want her to stop……
I “see” it. Your words paint. And because you “know” him, I want her to stop……
I don’t know….I think you did it pretty damn well.
I don’t know….I think you did it pretty damn well.
I think what makes the imagination so wonderful is being able to fill in those blanks. And how the mind wanders. You are very perceptive for recognizing that moment when so many people would walk right past without even seeing them.
I think what makes the imagination so wonderful is being able to fill in those blanks. And how the mind wanders. You are very perceptive for recognizing that moment when so many people would walk right past without even seeing them.
That’s a pretty powerful description. I can see it in my minds eye and I want to see more.
That’s a pretty powerful description. I can see it in my minds eye and I want to see more.
There are advantages and disadvantages to every tool of expression.
For example, I bet you’ve never had a cop or security guard try to yank away your notebook and tell you that you’re not allowed to take notes while on the property.
There are advantages and disadvantages to every tool of expression.
For example, I bet you’ve never had a cop or security guard try to yank away your notebook and tell you that you’re not allowed to take notes while on the property.
Love your blog! Your descriptive writing is gently engrossing. Will definitely be back for updates 🙂
Love your blog! Your descriptive writing is gently engrossing. Will definitely be back for updates 🙂
You’ve done a wonderful job. Fully descriptive without being too wordy.
You’ve done a wonderful job. Fully descriptive without being too wordy.
I see it too. Now for some dialog….
I see it too. Now for some dialog….