yarzheit
My father died fourteen years ago today. He was only fifty years old. Last night I held my nearly one-year-old son as I lit a yarzheit candle. I couldn’t help but think that this isn’t how things were supposed to be. I know…there is no supposed to. But still. He should be here. He isn’t. I miss him so so very much.
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I’m so sorry. Grandchildren should know their grandparents and vice versa. But I have no doubt that your father is watching over you and your family. I hope you can feel his presence, and know that he still loves you, and your son.
Posted by: Suzanne V. (Yarnhog)
I’m so sorry. Grandchildren should know their grandparents and vice versa. But I have no doubt that your father is watching over you and your family. I hope you can feel his presence, and know that he still loves you, and your son.
Posted by: Suzanne V. (Yarnhog)
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that, Cari. It does seem wrong.
Posted by: Lizbon
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sometimes, things just don’t make any sense.
Posted by: Collette
There really is nothing that I can say ….
Posted by: Cassie
Big hugs to you, chica.
Posted by: Sharon
What an incredible photo. It really captures the absence.
Take care.
Posted by: claudia
Even if there’s no ‘supposed to be’, it’s still wrong. It’s only been six years since my dad died. I considered not having children when he died, since now there was not point. He’d have been the best babysitter. But now my mother is.
Big hug to you all.
Posted by: valentina
I can’t even begin to imagine how sad it is to lose your father when he is so young. My father died almost two years ago at 93 and sometimes late at night the sadness still overcomes me.
A big big hug to you.
Posted by: Judith in NYC
I’m very sorry.
My dad died 13 years ago and I know that missing him never goes away. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Jaime
I’m so so sorry. And I am right there with you. It’s been 6 years since I lost my parents. I look at my kids and sometimes cry thinking they’ll never know the wonderful people my parents were. 2 of them were born after my parents died.
Huge hugs to you!
Posted by: Michele
Even with the passing of time, the loss of a parent continues to change one’s life. There is always a “He would have loved to see this” moment around every corner. My deepest condolences on your loss and my thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Sheepish Annie
i lost my dad 3 years ago and i feel the same way when i look at my daughter who is turning one tomorrow…
Posted by: cori w
I’m so sorry – it’s such a big loss. My brother died a few weeks ago, and I still can’t think this is how it’s supposed to be. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Kate
Oh I’m so sorry to hear that, Cari. It does seem wrong.
Posted by: Lizbon
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sometimes, things just don’t make any sense.
Posted by: Collette
There really is nothing that I can say ….
Posted by: Cassie
Big hugs to you, chica.
Posted by: Sharon
What an incredible photo. It really captures the absence.
Take care.
Posted by: claudia
Even if there’s no ‘supposed to be’, it’s still wrong. It’s only been six years since my dad died. I considered not having children when he died, since now there was not point. He’d have been the best babysitter. But now my mother is.
Big hug to you all.
Posted by: valentina
I can’t even begin to imagine how sad it is to lose your father when he is so young. My father died almost two years ago at 93 and sometimes late at night the sadness still overcomes me.
A big big hug to you.
Posted by: Judith in NYC
I’m very sorry.
My dad died 13 years ago and I know that missing him never goes away. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Jaime
I’m so so sorry. And I am right there with you. It’s been 6 years since I lost my parents. I look at my kids and sometimes cry thinking they’ll never know the wonderful people my parents were. 2 of them were born after my parents died.
Huge hugs to you!
Posted by: Michele
Even with the passing of time, the loss of a parent continues to change one’s life. There is always a “He would have loved to see this” moment around every corner. My deepest condolences on your loss and my thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Sheepish Annie
i lost my dad 3 years ago and i feel the same way when i look at my daughter who is turning one tomorrow…
Posted by: cori w
I’m so sorry – it’s such a big loss. My brother died a few weeks ago, and I still can’t think this is how it’s supposed to be. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Kate
No it isn’t supposed to be this way. But I’m glad the missing never quite stops. How terrible not to remember, even when it hurts.
XO
Posted by: juno
*hugs*
Posted by: Kai
I’m so, so sorry.
Posted by: Kim
*hug*
Love you, lady
Posted by: melanie
My thoughts are with you.
xoxo
Posted by: irene
That is very very young. I’m so sorry.
Posted by: Romi
I completely relate, and I’m sorry you are missing him.
Posted by: carole
Hugs to you. When I spend time with my nephew I sometimes have this incredibly intense send of injustice, that Adam never really got to know his sister’s son, and we’ll never have a kid as cool as Ben, who is SO like his uncle.
I will say, my grandparents died before I was born, and the way my mom talked about them (she’s known my dad since they were 4), I FEEL like I really do know them- who they were, their strengths and weaknesses and quirks that made them who they were. It’s such a blessing. One I’m determined to give my nephew so he knows my late husband, and one you can certainly give your son.
Big hug.
Posted by: Annie
I’m so sorry.
Posted by: knittripps
There’s a lot of “not supposed to happen” here too with my husband’s father, who is 55, and the illness that is going to take him away from us far earlier than any of us were prepared to say goodbye. It is never fair to lose a parent.
That photo says it all…”wish you were here.”
A huge snuggle to you all. And thank you for being the person you are, with the courage to acknowledge the hurt.
Posted by: Lee Ann
I’m sorry for your loss, and I know how you feel. I lost my father 4 years ago last January. He missed my wedding and my second baby. I dream about talking to him about what’s going on with my life all the time.
Posted by: Cambria
By keeping the stories of him alive, Thumper will know his Grandfather. By keeping the stories of him alive, he will always be with you.
I know you would rather he be with you on this earth, but look back to the things he taught you and pass them along to your little one.
Hugs to you.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
My mother died in December, 2000 at the young age of 58 and I think of her every single day. I used to not be able to get through the kaddish without crying. I’m sending hugs your way.
Posted by: Cynthia
No it isn’t supposed to be this way. But I’m glad the missing never quite stops. How terrible not to remember, even when it hurts.
XO
Posted by: juno
*hugs*
Posted by: Kai
I’m so, so sorry.
Posted by: Kim
*hug*
Love you, lady
Posted by: melanie
My thoughts are with you.
xoxo
Posted by: irene
That is very very young. I’m so sorry.
Posted by: Romi
I completely relate, and I’m sorry you are missing him.
Posted by: carole
Hugs to you. When I spend time with my nephew I sometimes have this incredibly intense send of injustice, that Adam never really got to know his sister’s son, and we’ll never have a kid as cool as Ben, who is SO like his uncle.
I will say, my grandparents died before I was born, and the way my mom talked about them (she’s known my dad since they were 4), I FEEL like I really do know them- who they were, their strengths and weaknesses and quirks that made them who they were. It’s such a blessing. One I’m determined to give my nephew so he knows my late husband, and one you can certainly give your son.
Big hug.
Posted by: Annie
I’m so sorry.
Posted by: knittripps
There’s a lot of “not supposed to happen” here too with my husband’s father, who is 55, and the illness that is going to take him away from us far earlier than any of us were prepared to say goodbye. It is never fair to lose a parent.
That photo says it all…”wish you were here.”
A huge snuggle to you all. And thank you for being the person you are, with the courage to acknowledge the hurt.
Posted by: Lee Ann
I’m sorry for your loss, and I know how you feel. I lost my father 4 years ago last January. He missed my wedding and my second baby. I dream about talking to him about what’s going on with my life all the time.
Posted by: Cambria
By keeping the stories of him alive, Thumper will know his Grandfather. By keeping the stories of him alive, he will always be with you.
I know you would rather he be with you on this earth, but look back to the things he taught you and pass them along to your little one.
Hugs to you.
Posted by: shannon in oregon
My mother died in December, 2000 at the young age of 58 and I think of her every single day. I used to not be able to get through the kaddish without crying. I’m sending hugs your way.
Posted by: Cynthia
I’m very sorry. No, it isn’t how it should be.
My father died 20 years ago this July, about 3 years before his first grandchild was born. It was/is very hard to think about them not knowing each other. Every time our family (my sisters and brother and I) had another grandchild, we all were so sorry that he didn’t get the chance to be a grandpa, and that our kids didn’t get to meet him.
Much love to you.
Posted by: Bethany
I’m so sorry. My father died when I was just about 21, so he never met my husband, never walked me down the aisle, and has never met my son. My mother died when I was 29, so at least she got to meet him. I honestly think she was just hanging around long enough to know that I would be taken care of, because once we were officially engaged, she passed away peacefully. (For which I was grateful–she had cancer that had spread to her brain, and she just wasn’t herself.) I still miss both of them. Dad would have love to take the short person fishing. Mom would have made him a quilt. He still got the quilt–my best friend in high-shool’s mom (who was a good friend of my mom) recently sent a puppy quilt for him. So I think they arrange a few things from the other side, and keep watch, and still know what a wonderful grandson they have. And I think your father does, too.
Posted by: Cathy
Losing a parent is awful, pure and simple. I’m sorry.
Posted by: regina
*hugs you*
Posted by: pippy
As someone who lost their Dad too young and too soon I know the emptiness you are feeling. There isn’t a day that goes by where my son doesn’t do SOMETHING that I wish I could tell my Dad about. . . .
hugs to you. take care of yourself.
Posted by: knittingnurse
That’s a gorgeous picture. It completely captures the feeling you describe. I’m so sorry he wasn’t around to get to play with Thumper. I bet he would have been crazy about your child.
Posted by: Susan
Your lighting the Yahrzeit candle is a lovely way to actively remember your father, who certainly died too young. Many of my non-Jewish friends have taken up this custom — they so want to do *something* to mark a loss. I light a candle for my husband as well. I know it’s “supposed” to be only for parents, but… The important thing is to remember and help the next generation keep the memory alive. Bless you.
Posted by: Luise
My dad died 17 years ago last month – I was pregnant with my daughter at the time – my son was only 4 1/2 but as the years went on he took up the task of making sure my daughter knew all about the grandfather she never met. My daughter now has “memories” of her grandfather through all the stories my son told her.
Posted by: t
I’m sorry.
I lost my father 12 years ago, 30 days after his 51st birthday.
It’s horrible but it’s life.
Posted by: Jessica
It’s just not fair. I’m so sorry.
Posted by: Sil
🙁
Posted by: carolyn
I’m so sorry. I understand how you feel. My dad passed away 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. What hurt the most was that he kept telling me long before I met my husband to hurry up and have kids because he wasn’t getting any younger. All he talked about was becoming a granddad…and then, well you know the rest. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Anna
I’m very sorry. No, it isn’t how it should be.
My father died 20 years ago this July, about 3 years before his first grandchild was born. It was/is very hard to think about them not knowing each other. Every time our family (my sisters and brother and I) had another grandchild, we all were so sorry that he didn’t get the chance to be a grandpa, and that our kids didn’t get to meet him.
Much love to you.
Posted by: Bethany
I’m so sorry. My father died when I was just about 21, so he never met my husband, never walked me down the aisle, and has never met my son. My mother died when I was 29, so at least she got to meet him. I honestly think she was just hanging around long enough to know that I would be taken care of, because once we were officially engaged, she passed away peacefully. (For which I was grateful–she had cancer that had spread to her brain, and she just wasn’t herself.) I still miss both of them. Dad would have love to take the short person fishing. Mom would have made him a quilt. He still got the quilt–my best friend in high-shool’s mom (who was a good friend of my mom) recently sent a puppy quilt for him. So I think they arrange a few things from the other side, and keep watch, and still know what a wonderful grandson they have. And I think your father does, too.
Posted by: Cathy
Losing a parent is awful, pure and simple. I’m sorry.
Posted by: regina
*hugs you*
Posted by: pippy
As someone who lost their Dad too young and too soon I know the emptiness you are feeling. There isn’t a day that goes by where my son doesn’t do SOMETHING that I wish I could tell my Dad about. . . .
hugs to you. take care of yourself.
Posted by: knittingnurse
That’s a gorgeous picture. It completely captures the feeling you describe. I’m so sorry he wasn’t around to get to play with Thumper. I bet he would have been crazy about your child.
Posted by: Susan
Your lighting the Yahrzeit candle is a lovely way to actively remember your father, who certainly died too young. Many of my non-Jewish friends have taken up this custom — they so want to do *something* to mark a loss. I light a candle for my husband as well. I know it’s “supposed” to be only for parents, but… The important thing is to remember and help the next generation keep the memory alive. Bless you.
Posted by: Luise
My dad died 17 years ago last month – I was pregnant with my daughter at the time – my son was only 4 1/2 but as the years went on he took up the task of making sure my daughter knew all about the grandfather she never met. My daughter now has “memories” of her grandfather through all the stories my son told her.
Posted by: t
I’m sorry.
I lost my father 12 years ago, 30 days after his 51st birthday.
It’s horrible but it’s life.
Posted by: Jessica
It’s just not fair. I’m so sorry.
Posted by: Sil
🙁
Posted by: carolyn
I’m so sorry. I understand how you feel. My dad passed away 7 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. What hurt the most was that he kept telling me long before I met my husband to hurry up and have kids because he wasn’t getting any younger. All he talked about was becoming a granddad…and then, well you know the rest. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by: Anna
My husband lost his father at 16 (15 years ago) and one of the first things he said after she was born was “I wish dad was here to see this.” He still wishes constantly that he was alive and that our 2 year old daughter had the chance to know him.
Posted by: Kara
I am so sorry. It doesn’t seem right. Sending hugs your way.
Posted by: Kim
That’s a very special picture of your dad. I’ve found photographs to be one of my most special treasures since my mom died. She wasn’t Jewish, so I’ve never done a yarzheit candle for her, but I think I may start. It sounds soothing and healing.
Posted by: Amy
And of *course*, of course, I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Amy
Cari – I lost my Mom 10 years ago and even though I don’t have children yet, I wonder/worry about how I’m going to make her story and her life real for them.
I’m sorry about your father. I hope you can see a bit of him in your wee boy.
Posted by: Steph VW
My Mum’s been gone almost 20 years now, and was 46 when she died. I learned to knit after my son was born out of a very strong need to be able to make things for him as she and her mother had for my brother and I. So, so many ‘I wish’ moments.
The poet Christy Brown wrote about the death of a friend, “I do not feel your absence as loss, for the memory of love once given and returned is never lost or betrayed into unknowing, and there are always rainbows”. I’m not entirely sure I agree with him on the absence part, but the rest of it helps me.
Posted by: Rachel H
Yup. My mother died 12 years ago, at 53. Every time something wonderful and life-changing happens (like my wedding or my baby’s birth) I feel that pang one more time. There’s also the resolve to take better care of myself than she did, with the hope that The Bug will avoid those feelings of loss for as long as possible.
Posted by: Carrie
My husband lost his father at 16 (15 years ago) and one of the first things he said after she was born was “I wish dad was here to see this.” He still wishes constantly that he was alive and that our 2 year old daughter had the chance to know him.
Posted by: Kara
I am so sorry. It doesn’t seem right. Sending hugs your way.
Posted by: Kim
That’s a very special picture of your dad. I’ve found photographs to be one of my most special treasures since my mom died. She wasn’t Jewish, so I’ve never done a yarzheit candle for her, but I think I may start. It sounds soothing and healing.
Posted by: Amy
And of *course*, of course, I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Amy
Cari – I lost my Mom 10 years ago and even though I don’t have children yet, I wonder/worry about how I’m going to make her story and her life real for them.
I’m sorry about your father. I hope you can see a bit of him in your wee boy.
Posted by: Steph VW
My Mum’s been gone almost 20 years now, and was 46 when she died. I learned to knit after my son was born out of a very strong need to be able to make things for him as she and her mother had for my brother and I. So, so many ‘I wish’ moments.
The poet Christy Brown wrote about the death of a friend, “I do not feel your absence as loss, for the memory of love once given and returned is never lost or betrayed into unknowing, and there are always rainbows”. I’m not entirely sure I agree with him on the absence part, but the rest of it helps me.
Posted by: Rachel H
Yup. My mother died 12 years ago, at 53. Every time something wonderful and life-changing happens (like my wedding or my baby’s birth) I feel that pang one more time. There’s also the resolve to take better care of myself than she did, with the hope that The Bug will avoid those feelings of loss for as long as possible.
Posted by: Carrie