4 a.m. The Girlie woke up at three and I’ve been lying awake since getting her back to sleep, my body all jangly and nervous. I’ve been riding a wave of anxiety for a couple days now. I think it’s mostly excitement and my brain is reading it as anxiety out of habit.
What happens when you’ve been wanting something and working toward it for years and not getting it and not getting it and not getting it, and then you get it? It’s really happening. How do you trust it? I keep waiting for Tin House to change their minds. I keep waiting for it to all go away.
It’s not going away. I hope I can relax into it soon. I hope this nervousness eases. I want to trust. I want to sleep.
But you! You are all wonderful! Thank you for the words of support and encouragement. Thank you for your happiness for me!
I need to start meditating again. Or something. Mostly I need to sleep.
Better to start working on a new book, that focuses the mind wonderfully.
I am so happy for you and I can’t wait to buy your published book and eat it up! Rest up. I have periods of anxiety where I can’t relax or sleep. Sometimes hot baths help me. To quiet my mind I color mandalas as a form of meditation.
Just remember you are a star š
I can’t wait to buy your book when it comes out! This is worth a little nervousness, I think. It’ll even out over time. Just keep breathing.
Soon it will be real enough, in the way that a baby, when you’re pregnant, one day becomes real, and when it is I’ll bet you discover that both nothing and everything has changed. Enjoy this butterfly-filled honeymoon while you can, nerves and all!
You know that scene at the end of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, where Wonka says to Charlie, “Just remember what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he ever wanted.” Charlie looks worried, and asks what happened.
“He lived happily ever after,” says Wonka.
That may be true, but you can’t tell me it didn’t take a little (or a lot) of getting used to. Or at least that’s the reaction I’ve always had when I watch that scene. Too sudden. How do you know it’s real?
It’s real. Trust it.
Indeed. Trust. And Chamomile tea, or Rescue Remedy (or various other Bach remedies).